Currently fluctuating. Fluctuating between feeling heavy and light, nice and mean, self-righteous and care-free, introspective and extroverted. Going through a big period of growth and change, and being aware of that is simultaneously unnerving and hilarious.
Fluctuating between feeling polyamorous and monogamish, fluctuating between wanting to settle down and shoot off like a rocket into the academic/travelling life. Will likely never go full monog. Sorry, normies.
Scorpio sun, moon, Mars. Libra Venus. My hair is almost white-blond now, with this annoying streak of green I can't get rid of.
When I'm not being super-serious about school, I'm FINALLY learning how to play bass slowly but surely, working on a little comic book titled Skeletons in Space, or exploring the city.
Listening to people talk about the things that are important to them.
Driving in the exact opposite direction that I'm supposed to go, while the gas tank's on empty. Yell-cursing about how I think there's a parking spot but really it's just ANOTHER GODDAMNED GARAGE GOD DAMN IT! And then feeling really stupid about it.
Going for walks, throwing my clothes all over my room to find a single matching sock.
On a less academic note, I've been reading Sandman by Neil Gaiman, and have been stuck on page 72 of The Windup Bird Chronicles by Murakami for several months now. I'm also rereading the Kyballion because he was preaching "as above, so below" millenia before Crowley. Like, Hermes Trismegistus is the Jay-Z to Aleister Crowley's Kanye West. Skimming through the Ethical Slut for the umpteenth time, and realizing that it's a bit out of date. I'm also reading Catcher in the Rye, because I never did in high school. Highly interested in dystopia, science fiction, mystery, philosophy, esoteric knowledge, and horror.
Movies: youtube videos of cute animals, classic horror movies such as They Live, The Thing, Total Recall, Reanimator, etc. Star Wars, Blazing Saddles, Duel, Network, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Orson Wells movies. I have a soft spot for cinematography, and I really enjoyed Carol and Mad Max. I seriously need to get caught up on the classics. I think I've missed out on a lot of them over the years.
If you love this song, then I love you (hint: It's Chris Cohen). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsZ4KfHZEc4&list=PLmw12W1_zQUAyiezC_6u61jRxdklPvosh&index=5
Classics like Fleetwood Mac, Simon and Garfunkel, Motown (especially Marvin Gaye), Prince, etc. But also Devo, Talking Heads, Violent Femmes, Tortoise, Kate Bush, Lianne La Havas, Feist, Yellow Magic Orchestra, Bowie, Frank Zappa, Höyry-kone, King Crimson, Little Dragon, Siouxsie Sioux, and early 90s intellectual hip hop with a De La Soul vibe. I've also been visiting/revisiting music from the early 2000's like Max Tundra, The Knife, LCD Sound System, etc. The new Hiatus Kaiyote album blew me away, and so did Shamir's and Kendrick Lamar's. I've been listening to Radiohead's OK Computer and Tribe Called Quest's The Low End Theory on repeat lately. A zillion other things.
Food: You're going to get a much shorter list of things out of me of things that I won't eat: MAYONNAISE FUCK THAT. Whole sardines. Sad pickled vegetables that have been sitting in a brine of their own tears under flourescent lights in a generic grocery store. Ketchup and mustard. Internal organs or other nonmuscle tissue. Things with faces still attached. Fast food or junk food, most of the time. Other than that, pretty much anything is up for grabs. I love Thai, Indian, and Japanese food, soup and sandwiches, cheese and fruit plates, and just about everything else under the sun.
2. Empathy for friends and strangers
3. Micron pens
4. My bass or some kind of instrument (even if it's vocals)
5. Fabrics and fibers, they make my heart ache
6. The need to feel sad, angry, and shocked about current events, even when it looks like the same shit on a different day (Supreme Court overturning the climate change rulings agreed upon at the Paris summit, I'm looking at you)
Social cues and how to properly read them. What it means to be sex positive. How I'd like to explore kink under the right conditions. Power structures. Structuralism. Marxism. Materialism. Post-processualism. Isms. Ideologies and how I don't want anything to do with them but also about how I can't help but subscribe to some, and why.
My role as a multiracial biological female in our society, whether or not I owe society anything at all. Third-wave feminism and how I don't feel like I have a place in it as a black/multiracial female, intersectional feminism. What it means to be black in America, and then getting mad that I even have to think about that. Privilege. Why it seems like the oppressed always have to teach their oppressors how to stop oppressing them. Paradoxes. Trying to understand what progress is. Trying to understand. Whether or not acceptance>understanding. Wondering whether any of it matters, or if I'm just in a progressive West Coast bubble that doesn't understand that it's missing the big picture of what's going on in the rest of the world. Wondering if I'm missing the big picture. Wondering what it means to be self-aware. Being sympathetic to the underdog.
How capitalism aids isolationism and why we pride ourselves on building walls against those who are not like us, even if they simply do not have the same recreational habits that we do.
Finding a balance between being funny and obnoxious. How to show my loved ones that I care about them. Whether or not my enthusiasm is annoying or overbearing. Wondering why I ask so many questions and never have any answers. Food. Rock wall climbing. How nice it would be to go for a hike or to a hot spring for a weekend.
Why so many dudes on here own top hats? Seriously, am I missing something? Was there an event that I should have attended? If I wear a top hat, will I just look like a female version of Slash? Can I try on your top hat? Please don't actually have a top hat. Top hat.
I own Basic Instict 2. I watched it and I didn't hate it. I don't hate Sublime as much as I should. I'm a sucker for affection but that doesn't necessarily mean I want you to wife me up. Sometimes I'll put on bright purple, orange, or pink lipstick while I'm in my room studying because I think it's really pretty, but I'm too shy about wearing it in public.
But seriously, right now, I spend so much of my time immersed in topics that are heavy on the mind and heart. That is extremely important to me, but it is incredibly exhausting at times. So, you should message me if you care about and are involved in social justice issues, but you are not always "on."
Message me if: You can handle polyamory or are into it yourself. You want to work on some sexiiii art/music projects. You want to help introduce me to the queer and/or kink community. YOU HAVE A DRUM SET AND WILL LET ME PLAY IT/WILL TEACH ME SOME BEATS. You know of any good dive bars or house shows. You want to spend a sunny day at Dolores Park drinking beers. You want a study buddy. You want to talk about embodied mind theory. You think we'd get along super well, even on a friendship level. You want to teach me about astrology or gardening. You're have dope style and want to go second-hand clothes shopping. You have a motorcycle and want to go on a ride. I've got a helmet.
Probably best not to message me if: you're a burner (no judgement, it's just really not my thing). You live really far away from me, like San Jose or Sacramento-far. Being a giant pothead is your thing. You're just going to say "hi" or something to that effect. You want a one-night-stand, or are a serial ghoster. You're not into women who have a lot of male friends. Tech bros need not apply.