34Denver, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a big fan of hard shell tacos and their tireless dedication to my stomach. I like getting out and experiencing new things, especially when it involves seeing new art or musical festivities. I try to take care of my body..... I'm not a gym rat but I do make it a point to stay in shape and workout at least four thousand times a week. I love to travel and plan on taking a trip to hell as soon as Emperor Trump destroys what's left of the planet and sends me to a death camp for mocking his wife. She's ugly, right? Looks like a constipated vampire bat had a baby with a melted barbie doll.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm trying not to die on a daily basis. It's tough and all, but it's high on my list of things to do.

One of these days I want to open a place that's like a live version of mystery science theater 3000, where a bunch of people come together to watch shitty movies and I make my usual witty comments about how bad it is into a microphone.

I do inspections and risk assessment for the EPA and I also play guitar and sing in a band. We do covers of Hanson and we do not take requests.
I’m really good at
A lot of things.....but music would be my favorite hobby. I program and make beats, and I also play acoustic/electric guitar. I do nerd things like building computers and forcing animals into ridiculous costumes for photographs to satiate my own amusement. I also like to cook and can make a pretty mean lasagna (it's seriously mean and will make fun of your mother incessantly).
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm very easy-going and comfortable in my own skin. I enjoy helping people and volunteering with Dumb Friends League (dog rescue) whenever possible. I like to use big words to make myself feel smart though I might use them out of context on occasion. Periodontics, right? I will always try to make people laugh, unless your aunt dies because that is a traumatizing event that should not be sullied by humor.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Henry Miller is a fave, Devil In The White City, Peripheral, The Martian, Elecrified Sheep, anything Chuck Pahlaniuk (Fight Club, Choke, Diary....I'm a dude)

Movies: City of God, Best In Show, Falling Down, The Fifth Element, Ex Machina, Casino, Die Hard, The Shining, Idiocracy (great documentary you should look into), Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski, The Prestige, Being John Malkovich, Sunshine, Anchorman, Apocalypse Now, Army of Darkness, Memento, Network, No Country For Old Men, Ghostbusters

TV shows: Arrested Development, Battlestar Galactica, Breaking Bad, The Wire, Louie, Trailer Park Boys, Venture Brothers, Archer, Mr. Show , Curb Your Enthusiasm, Parks and Recreation, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Bobs Burgers, Rick and Morty, Comedy Bang Bang, Master Of None

Music: John Coltrane, Alcest, Apex Twin, The Internet, Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, Beach House, Swerdriver, Pink Floyd, Animal Collective, Beastie Boys, Grizzly Bear, Curren$y, Miles Davis, Flying Lotus, Sigur Ros, Four Tet, Adrian Younge, Bonobo, Polica, James Blake, Chet Baker, Rage Against The Machine, Wintersleep, Stars of the Lid, Mogwai, Shai Hulud, Glassjaw, Wu-Tang Clan, Massive Attack, Deftones, Mono, Mastodon, Isis, Oceansize, Cave-In, Autolux, Bibio, So Many Dynamos, Title Fight, The Drones, Com Truise, Damien Jurado, Explosions In The Sky, Nosaj Thing, Rival Consoles, BADBADNOTGOOD, Dungen, Sufjan Stevens, Bill Frisell, Candiria, Wye Oak, Schoolboy Q, Opeth, Kaytranada, Danny Brown, King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard, Eluvium, Death Grips, The Powder Room, Every Time I Die, Dungen, Father John Misty, Hiatus Kaiyote, Mutoid Man, A Winged Victory For The Sullen, Black Milk

Food: I try to eat healthy during the week but am prone to go crazy on anything mexican, italian, or sushi related when opportunity knocks. Ice cream is my kryptonite; we fight a never-ending battle which will only end when I'm dead from ice cream poisoning. I hear it's painful.
Six things I could never do without
In very particular order.....

1. pretty horses
2. my guitar
3. french fries
4. chocolate fountains
5. ye olde laptop
6. jumping over ten school busses on a motorcycle (don't knock it till you've tried it)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The universe........the direction and evolution of human consciousness......why can't cats talk to us.....stuff of that nature. How I can be a better person and help other people in the process. Do fish fart?
On a typical Friday night I am
Trying to prove the existence of mermaids, looking for musical entertainment, or jamming with the band/making my own music to enjoy.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
How far down the rabbit's hole should I go with this? I once pulled a chair out from under a girl who was getting ready to sit down in the third grade. She made a big deal out of it and started crying so I didn't get to go outside for recess that day. It made me feel horrible and I'll never do it again.
You should message me if
You are Lord Zebulon from my home planet Goldblum (no relation to Jeff Goldblum).
The two of us