30Lahaina, United States
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My self-summary

Also, this
What I’m doing with my life
I work in retail and try to keep my extracurriculars fun. I currently play flute in a queer concert band, take static trapeze and aerial silks classes, and just started taking pole dancing classes.

Otherwise, belly laughing at most things.
I’m really good at
I'm great at making corny, old man jokes and then laughing directly afterwards because I think I'm hilarious. Seriously, y'all, my best friend told me I'm a dad. A DAD, I MAKE DAD JOKES, IS THIS MY LIFE? I'm okay with it, whatever.

I'm not good at idioms. I once tried to use the idiom "bring home the bacon" but went with "bring home the bread". I couldn't remember where the bread came from, until a friend told me it was "bread winner". I have come to learn that mixing up idioms like this is called a "malaphor". Thanks for creating words for the shit I do, internet!

If there was a medal for oversleeping alarms, I would totally win gold.
The first things people usually notice about me
I tend to be pretty loud. My coworkers used tell me to stop screaming, but I just told them I was projecting.

I also am pretty full of energy and generally lighthearted. I like to make jokes and make people laugh and feel good. So, I'd say those things.

It could also be how fast I talk and move. It doesn't feel like I'm going that fast, but if you compare me to other people, I'm going a mile a minute.

Some people say I look like me dad. ~~~ really nobody commented on this? It's obvi a lyric from the GENIUS song "C'est La Vie" from the short-lived Irish girl group B*Witched. Y'ALL REMEMBER THEM, RIGHT?

Whenever I shave off a hefty beard people tell me I look mad. It's just my resting face.

Old ladies always seem to mention my septum ring if I'm wearing it out.

Here are some tidbits from actual people to help you out:
You are literally a muppet.
Are you that friend that everyone wants around but is also secretly embarrassed about?
No, you've always been literally insane.
You are the entire cast of Cats.
You are a grandma.
I just realized you are the love child of Lumpy Space Princess and Jenna Maroney.
You look like a young Yukon Cornelius.
You're like "grandpa-meets-the-klurb"
You're not even a real human.
You walk with authority, sir!
You are so annoying! Like, other people annoy me, but you are the most annoying!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: Spaceballs, Spice World, Clueless, Mean Girls, Any Pixar/Dreamworks/etc animated movie. Yes, I have mostly terrible taste in movies.

R.I.P.: 30 Rock, Happy Endings, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, Angel (seasons 2 - 4 only, let's get really real), How I Met Your Mother, Witches of East End, America's Next Top Model, Parks and Rec
Currently: Bob's Burgers, New Girl, The Mindy Project, So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, Modern Family, Supernatural, Grimm, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, RuPaul's Drag Race, The 100, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Teen Wolf, Jane the Virgin, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Recently Binged on Netflix: Orphan Black

Laura Veirs, Basia Bulat, Joanna Newsom, Fiona Apple, Caroline Smith & the Good Night Sleeps, The Tallest Man on Earth, Marina and the Diamonds, Sia.

My karaoke do-to list has a lot of country and 90s pop & r&b.

I dig a lot of female vocalists with folk roots. I also love top 40 and country, and I don't understand it. I am always looking for new music to listen to, so give me all of your favorites! Also, my might help you see a bigger picture. Don't be this guy.

Food: Yes, all of it. I'm not very picky and enjoy trying out as many new foods as I can. Though, if someone put a gun to my head and made me pick a favorite, it would definitely be pizza. If you fancy yourself a pizza connoisseur, let's have a chat. Also, I'll eat most things, especially whatever you don't finish. I'm basically a human garbage disposal.
Six things I could never do without
I could absolutely do without some of these, but I wouldn't ever choose that life.

a. a cardigan
b. some cat snugs
c. lots & lots of water
d. making music
e. belly laughs
f. coffee/tea/soda pop
g. google maps
h. family -- immediate, extended, friends
i. my glasses?
j. pineapple & jalapeño pizza (don't knock it until you try it!)
k. naps
l. circus school
m. karaoke
n. non-alcoholic beer (except Busch NA, I could definitely do without that river water in a can)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why I am literally a crazy person?
How do I stop yelling?
What are my cats doing?
Why does everyone label themselves a "young professional"? What is that even?
On a typical Friday night I am
Sometimes this, mostly this, always this
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I mark most questions as "irrelevant"

I find double jointed thumbs to be terrifying. Please keep your thumbs in the upright position.

I'm also terrified of cotton balls. The terrible feeling of it in my fingers is like your nails on a chalkboard or silverware on a plate. Get it away from me. This also sometimes applies to really starchy cotton towels.
You should message me if
you have deep thoughts about pizza and want to discuss them
you give good back rubs
you want to meet my cats
you want me to meet your cats
you have some sweet new tunes for me to listen to
you want to duet Brandy and Monica's "The Boy is Mine" at karaoke
you are okay with me being like this
you want to hang out. no, srsly, message me and ask me to, i will probably say yes
The two of us