I am best described as an even mixture of Larry David from Curb your Enthusiasm and Samantha Jones from Sex and the City. Additionally, I would just like to put it out there that I was socially awkward before Michael Cera made it the cool thing to do.
Allow me to give you a brief accurate outline of myself:
All around every animal enthusiast
John Cooper Works Enthusiast.
Semi-amateur all the time comedian.
LA Street Race Car Driver.
Always down for free diving with sharks or scuba diving.
I don't really have this much energy in real life... I'm kind of like a koala without the gonorrhea..
Shark diving in and out of cages.
Chasing the Scream; the first and last days of the war on drugs
1. Låt den rätte komma in
2. The One I Love
3. Love & Sex
4. The Lobster
Rick and Morty
I'm a sushi snob.
*If you don't flake every time we make plans.
*If you are independent but not so independent that you never want to hang out.
*If you hate talking on the phone as much as I do and will text me as a form of communication. (No, I'm not giving you my phone number yet.)
*If you do what you say you're going to do.
*If you are honest, kind, sensitive... but not so sensitive you need a tampon to hold in your emotional bukkake.
*If you are nothing like Mark Wahlberg's character in "Fear."
*If you are everything like Tom Hardy's character in the movie "Warrior." (physically speaking. I've had about enough of emotional unavailability.)
*Fuck it.. If you are Tom Hardy...I don't care that you've had a dick in your butt. Just come over and play OBGYN with me.
*If you are not "put the lotion in the basket" kind of nuts.
*If you have nothing in common with Patrick Bateman.
*If you look like/are Eric Northman from True Blood. (Alexander Skarsgard is that you? Come to Butthead.)
*If you don't look like you have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
*If you are an attractive man who doesn't have Asperger's Syndrome. (If you don't know what that is, you probably have it. )
*If you have "Sex" listed as one of the 6 things you could not do without, you probably never get laid... Which tells me you would be horrible in bed or have a small ween. Do not message me if any of those statements apply to you.
*If you at some point slept with a girl and later said, "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now. I need more time for me. I guess it's selfish." --- You need to not talk to me and move your ass to adult friend finder.
*If you are just looking for a booty call you should not message me. I do not need the internet to help me get laid. (See pictures above to back up said statement.)
*If you have at any time been stabbed by your ex, or she has stalked you or you think that you always seem to pick crazy girls... chances are you are probably crazy, too.