I’m a decent guy. I’m pretty well adjusted, courteous, compassionate, and reasonable. I think of my feminist orientation as a part of that: just treating everyone well, including women. If you called me ‘humanist,’ I wouldn’t argue.
I was brought up by a feminist mother, with a feminist sister. I am most comfortable around strong women who expect to be treated with respect. I need to like and admire you to date you or be serious about you. I don’t come across as a ‘bad boy.’ Or any kind of boy, for that matter.
Sexually, I’m an adult. You can say no to me without fear and yes without shame. I’m a regular listener of the Savage Love podcast, with a solid understanding of what GGG means (and doesn’t mean), and what consent means (and doesn’t mean). I use my words. Let’s use our words together.
I don’t have a need to blow your mind with my awesome bedroom skills, or impress you with my income. I have my shit together. That’s all you need to know right now.
I’m basically a grown-ass man. I'm looking for a grown-ass woman.
OK, now that we've established that I am potty trained and ready for online dating, this is more about me:
I weigh about 135 pounds. My favorite color is blue. My turn-ons include skepticism, absurdism and joyous nonsense, chocolate, urbanism, interesting technology and good design--including, of course, bikes. My turn-offs include drama, intellectual and political purism, my own laziness, excessive exclamation points, and bad breath.
I love Chicago. Maybe not the greatest city in the world, but certainly the best.
Mastery of things is a core aspect of my personality. I can demonstrate some mastery in writing, cooking, programming, and probably other things. I like to be good at things I do, and I set high standards for myself.
I can do the chivalry thing if you need me to, but for me being a ‘gentleman’ is more about respect for women than opening doors and paying for dinner. (Again, feminism.)
I don't give a hell of a lot of credibility to Myers-Briggs, but ENTP describes me really, really well. I have a lot of social circles, and every circle knows a side of me, but no one knows everything about me. I'm a long conversation. I like to make things with my friends.
My techie friends might know I'm Buddhist, but won't know much about it unless they ask. My Buddhist friends know I'm a techie, but won't know much about it unless they ask. Most folks know I'm car-free, but won't know much about it unless they ask. My bikey friends know I go to Burning Man, but... you get the idea. It's not like I have a bunch of secret lives, I'm just not that interested in talking about myself. Tell me about you.
I am geeky, but 'hacker' is probably a better description for me than 'geek'--hacker in the original sense of the word, bending technology to my will in fun ways. Science fiction is like porn to me: diverting, but I'd rather do the real thing.
Making people say things like, 'I never thought of it that way.'
Bringing clarity: 'So what you're trying to say is [x].' 'Yes, that's it!' Asking the right question.
Making connections: 'I know someone you really should meet.' All my social circles come in handy sometimes.
Ordering at restaurants. You will want what I'm having.
Admitting I'm wrong.
I have a very, very good brownie recipe: dark chocolate, mixed with marmalade--ideally bitter orange marmalade... mmm...
If they're trying to engage my ego with this question, well, people are immediately struck by my penetrating brilliance and subtle wit. But first they notice I'm a total spaz. A sexy, sexy spaz.
You might also notice I respond to bullshit questions with bullshit answers. It's definitely more fun than saying 'I dunno, ask them.'
Movies: I Heart Huckabees, Waking Life, Memento, Young Frankenstein, Lost in Translation, Pi, The Fountain (Requiem for a Dream doesn't belong on this list, but Aronovsky is a genius), Brazil, Happiness, Henry Fool, Something About Mary, Pan's Labyrinth, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Spinal Tap, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich (again, Charlie Kaufmann, genius), Idiocracy (Brawndo--it's got what plants crave!)
TV: I try to curate my media diet somewhat carefully (with marginal success). I don't have a TV in my house. The channel abstraction is an awful way to organize media. Correction: it's great if you want to sell eyeballs to advertisers, not so great for watching. So I say yes to Netflix/Amazon, no to the pipe of media sewage. I have a sewage pipe in the bathroom, but that sewage flows out.
So I binge watch selectively. Archer, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and House of Cards rekindled my interest in TV. The Man in the High Castle added some Philip K Dick to my reading list. And I want to be Anthony Bourdain when I grow up, without a career slaving in restaurants or the coke fiend period... how do I do that?
Music: Lyle Lovett, Bach, John Coltrane, They Might be Giants, The Breeders, The Pixies, Mozart, Beck, Bjork, Johnathan Richman, Stuart Davis, TV On The Radio, Lcd Soundsystem, Radiohead... did I mention I'm eclectic? Oh--Jackson 5-era Michael Jackson! 'Stop: the love you save may be your own' is one of my favorite songs. Maybe through 'Off the Wall'... the rest doesn't do much for me. De La Soul's 'Three Feet High and Rising'--best album of the eighties, hands down. More Jim DeRogatis than Greg Kot.
Books: I've been reading lots of anarchists lately. Loving Rebecca Solnit, David Graeber. Love most of Johnathan Lethem, but favorites include Motherless Brooklyn, The Fortress of Solitude, and The Wall of the Sky, the Wall of the Eye--yes, I was reading him in the nineties, Susanna Clarke's Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Christopher Alexander's The Timeless Way of Building, Taleb's The Black Swan, most of Tufte--I took his one day class recently. So good. Hofstader's Godel, Escher, Bach--math is the best drug. Paul Tough's Whatever It Takes. Ken Wilber's The Eye of Spirit. Greg Bear's Blood Music.
I spend more time in my feed reader than reading books these days, so here are my favorite sources: NPR's Planet Money, Core77 design blog, Make Magazine's awesome blog, Bruce Schneier will beat your plaintext out of your cyphertext with his awesome fists of P=NP, Ars Technica has the best damn science and technology coverage on the web, xkcd, Savage Love podcast--Dan Savage is the bomb. I usually listen to This American Life as a podcast. Pacific Standard: research-driven journalism FTW.
a regular meditative practice
a decent bike--fear the Bike of Steel! Would your weak-ass fixie take you through a Chicago winter, or would it cower in a corner of the basement, begging for springtime? Yeah, that's what I thought.
friends & family
interesting problems to solve.
Hard problems, like how money flows in the economy. Technological change and its consequences for people. The coming desktop manufacturing revolution. The way human beings develop over time. The tension between 'human' and 'animal' aspects of our nature. The tension between individual and collective aspects of our nature, and healthy and unhealthy responses to those aspects.
...you are a brownie connoisseur;
...'Her mystery not of high heels and eyeshadow:' Some might say that as you get older, you lower your standards. Others might say you develop as a compassionate person, and learn to appreciate less obvious charms.
I'm not devoid of superficiality, and I don't expect you to be. But you will find kindness, sweetness, and understanding go a very long way with me. If you feel the same way, we will get along well.
...you enjoy intellectual conversation, but you don't get lost in it. I love it too, but emotionally it doesn't lead anywhere. I'm finding I bond best over intimacy, sharing the details of our lives. Maybe that was obvious, but I'm the kind of guy who had to learn it the hard way;
...you are a city-dweller... I don't rule out meeting suburban women, but being car-free, I'm just not sure how that would work. I'm close to Berwyn and that area, so close-in western suburbs can probably work. Outside that, either live in the city or come with some ideas about how we will make it work. That don't involve me buying a car.