37Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
I take jokes too far. I'm easily entertained. I only keep a small group of close friends. I rarely enjoy being the center of attention, but I have some great pictures from the times I do. I can be ridiculously stubborn, but I'm pretty reasonable most of the time.

When I'm in a shitty mood I usually make some kind of dessert and pass it out to friends and coworkers, just to snap out of it. Fudge, cookies, brownies, etc. I made something the other day similar to a peanut butter Twix. They were awesome.

I am horrible at selling myself. Also at dancing. In my defense, I _am_ a white guy, and there's a reason that stereotype exists. I'm also awful at telling if a woman is flirting or just being friendly - it's why I like one who's direct. Seriously. Don't make me guess.

I'm a better listener than talker, and I have to fight the urge to try and fix the problems people are just looking to vent about. I've also been referred to as a vault, because I don't repeat the things I've been told. I'm like a therapist, but with less training, and lower hourly rates.

More often than I care to admit I try to say two similar words at the same time, creating something that is not, technically speaking, English.

I'm as comfortable holding a 6-week old baby as I am running around with my 3-4 year olds at work. Kids are a huge part of my life, but I'm not looking to have them this instant.

I can bullseye the snooze button without turning my head, or opening my eyes. I am often 5 minutes late to work. There may be a connection between these two facts. I'm not convinced yet.

I don't wear skinny jeans. Let's face it, they look ridiculous.

Also, I'm probably going to pet your dog.
What I’m doing with my life
I teach preschool, so I spend a lot of time trying to keep a straight face while telling someone not to put that fork up their nose. Usually more than once.
I’m really good at
Baking. Sarcastic responses. Talking my friend into getting a tramp stamp (yes, he and I are still friends). Frying eggs. Coming up with ridiculous answers to things I should probably take seriously. Calming children. Deliberately taking things out of context for my own amusement.
The first things people usually notice about me
Generally that I'm fairly quiet. Reading this profile that might surprise you, but the first time we might I'm probably sizing you up, not trying to be entertaining. Plus, you've got to earn that shit. Once I warm up anything goes, but until then I tend to stay a little guarded. Needless to say it makes dating a little tricky. That whole first impression thing is kind of a bitch.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Oh, just a sample:

Books: I read a lot of history. Don't worry, I don't expect anyone else to be interested in it, so I don't share. Also, I'm not the least bit pretentious about it. I don't care what, or even if you read.

Movies: The Princess Bride. Man on Fire. Defiance. Anchorman. Really anything but horror.

Shows: Justified. Psych. Archer. Big Bang Theory. The League.

Music: I tend to like a song or two here and there, ranging from classic rock to hip hop. I can never answer the favorite musician question.

Food: Biscuits and gravy. Breakfast in general. Seafood. Meat. Desserts (Which is the real reason I've learned to make them). Peanut sauce.
Six things I could never do without
My Funderwear collection
My ZX-6R
My safeword (FYI- it's "jazzercise". But you have to do jazz hands while saying it, or it doesn't count.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Ancient Mediterranean and 16-19th century European history. Which no one else cares about. Seriously, no one. So if asked I usually just say I'm thinking about animals wearing clothes. Formal attire, of course. These are classy animals, not riff raff. People still stare at me like I'm insane, but at least I'm entertained by it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Relaxing from a long, yet rewarding week of shaping the minds of today's youth. Or drinking because I'm worn out from keeping my little crayon-eaters alive every day. While doing the Burt Reynolds centerfold pose, of course.

Things I'm NOT doing one a typical Friday night:
-Joining a cult
-Redecorating my bathroom
-Painting my nails
-Going on a jihad
-Listening to Wham (Let's face it, they're no Flock of Seagulls)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Despite my rugged good looks and imposing height (calm down ladies, I know, I know: 5'8". Try not to swoon), I am in fact neither an international spy nor supermodel. Trust me, I'm just as shocked as you are.

Also, I like looking at the really low match% and high enemy% profiles, just out of curiosity.
You should message me if
If you were entertained, and feel a burning desire to let me know.*

Or if you're attracted, and can say yes to at least several of the following:
-like sarcasm
-can handle being teased
-don't have issues with fidelity**
-can be goofy
-you're okay with lists. I seem to make a lot of lists***
-don't expect people to be perfect, because I definitely am not

Also, I have a space between my front teeth, courtesy of my dad's side of the family. If you're not okay with that, that's fine, but I'm not going to surprise you with it when we meet.

*This is not the same as a burning sensation when you pee. You should really see a doctor about that.

**Not optional. If it's a struggle for you, have a nice day.

***And use asterisks
The two of us