I find it super interesting that so many people know both exactly what they want and just who can give it to them… or at least they believe they do. So, while I agree that most people do know what they like once they see it, the majority of them still have no clue whether it’ll be good for them, nor do they think to even pose the question.
My point is, those that are the least sure about whom it is they should be looking for are the ones most likely to find them.
So I'll start with similar goals: hoping for an intensely meaningful and equal partnership, plus the eventual desire for family. Then, still online, I trust both attraction and some key shared interests. After that, I’m curious about the unexpected, am open to the atypical, and hope explore that which both frightens and excites me. The fact is, I may know what I want and even perhaps what I need, but I have no idea in what shape or form this will materialize.
In actuality, all we really know how to recognize is what we've experienced before... aka baggage. Though it always sounds like a great idea to check your baggage before entering something new, the fact is it's already too late; you needed to open that shit up, ruffle through to remind yourself what actually is in there, then rescue all the positive parts of how that particular relationship changed you. Only then can you leave those bags at the curb.
Over the years, I’ve worked hard to become extremely self-aware. I have put in the time and effort with friends, loves, therapists, books – anything that could help me better relate, communicate, empathize, understand, support, love etc... but still, if I allow myself to pick and choose who I think will be awesome, I'm sunk.
So yeah, if I'm attracted, intrigued, yet slightly unsure of who you are and how we'd fit together? That's all good. That's the stuff butterflies are made of!
(Damn preposition rules)
• making an absolutely orgasmic tiramisu
• recognizing plot lines / character development / structural analysis in film
• making subtle, yet hilarious wisecracks
• giving way more time/attention than was requested
• taste tests
• the little things
• making someone feel special
• creative solutions
• discerning motives
• devising spontaneous road trips
• soundgarden, stp, systemOfADown, killers, strokes, tool, keane, audioslave, beatles, hankSr. & pCline, aliceInChains, nYoung, pearlJam, rage, yes, genesis/gabriel, acdc, cCornell, buffaloSpringfield, CCR, muse, sabbath, kinks, joel, bowie, serjTankian, whiteStripes, pixies, scarsOnBroadway, police, rhcp, nin, zeppelin, cream, willie, beasties, beck/cake, pSimon/S&G, and many, many more
• mariachi (used to be in one a long, long time ago in a barrio far, far away...) definitely a dream to convince one to take on this guero; also love acoustic salsa, mambo a la Tito y Machito, middle eastern oud
• pinko propaganda posters, fillmore concert posters, 007 film posters,
• brown ale, red wine, margaritas, my own Cosmo recipe, my own margarita recipe (and yes, margs are in there twice), cola, iced-cold hard water, my cousin's husband's cappuccinos, chocolate shakes
• homeland, goodWife, louie, newsroom, madMen, hellOnWheels, sherlock, walkingDead, realTime, whiteCollar, gameOfThrones, topChef, dailyShow/colbertReport, houseOfCards, newGirl, mastersOfSex, houseOfLies, californication, rayDonovan, archer, orangeNewBlack
• breakingBad, killing, wire, sixFeetUnder, dexter, bsg / caprica, westWing, deepSpaceNine, fringe, monk, simpsons, getSmart, newsRadio, larrySandersShow, fridayNightLights, rubicon
• anything mamet/nolan/hitchcock; most allen/coens/kubrick/tarantino; shawshank, chinatown, weddingCrashers, 4 yrOldVirgin, unforgiven/highPlainsDrifter, eatDrinkManWoman, roleModels, blackSwan, usualSuspects, casinoRoyale/quantumSolace, laConfidential, dangerousLiaisons, Monsters Inc/Incredibles/Ratatouille, nakedGun, lockStockTwoSmokingBarrels, raidersLostArk, princessBride, westSideStory, darkKnightTrilogy, bladeRunner, sixthSense/unbreakable/village, shutterIsland; dodgeball
• crisp grannysmith apples w/ extra-sharp cheddar and sourdough, blue cheese wedges, black and blue filets, ice cream, blueberry pie, thai
• dune collection, hard scifi a la bear/plarke/pournelle, fleming, carlFuckingSagan, greene/kaku etc..., vonnegut, bradbury, clarke
• space travel (my father worked on the Pioneer program, and later the Hubble, so I developed a fascination early on); physics (for the layperson); all things Sagan (Dragons of Eden and The Demon-Haunted World etc...); Greene, deGrasse Tyson, NPR
• scuba, doubles tennis, golf, fly fishing, camping...
All the worlds I escape to.
theArts & Creativity
I am not a number... I am a free man!
• whether I'd rather be playing guitar, bass or singing along to the song that's playing
• other people's feelings
• how corrupt/morally bankrupt most politicians are and if there's a way to rectify things without resorting to revolution
• how much I'd love to take a trip to Spain and Morocco. I dream of traversing the Sahara, sleeping in the open desert, photographing the nuances of the dunes – and how much more amazing it would be to share the experience.
Listen, the following will – for many of you – surely paint me as condescending, but I'll continue as this makes some sense to me – and maybe to a few of you. At the very least, it will illustrate what I hope to find at some point.
So, we’ve all spent our lives working on our individual puzzle pieces, and in each relationship we’ve attempted to merge them with those of our various partners in the hopes of creating something amazing. I’m sure we’ve all been successful to some degree, but as we’re all here, something amazing didn’t translate into something lasting.
I whole-heartedly believe the only real way to create something both amazing AND lasting is to place on the floor all of the puzzle pieces: those you created together, those you created with other partners, those your parents instilled/drilled into you, and most especially ALL of your own. Then, together you select all the pieces that will aid in constructing the life you want to create, construct the life you both want to share, then set about planning just how to go about it.
(Maybe it sounds as if I'm taking all the fun out of it, but by the time two people are ready – and want – to commit, this won't serve to stunt anything.)
To continue with the metaphor, we’re always placing our pieces to form our present lives. So, when we meet someone interesting that’d we’d like to spend time with, and later incorporate into our lives, it’s pretty simple to rearrange some of the more superficial pieces to accommodate them.
Each stage of a relationship then requires more and more shifting and integrating. Yet, no matter how devoted we may be to the idea of being together, we’ll always struggle to merge our visions, and that, I believe, is why we ultimately fail to create something lasting. In fact, I kind of believe that it may be impossible to truly move forward from this point unless partners work to essentially create something new – from scratch.
You're not getting rid of any of the puzzle pieces. Rather, both partners consolidate all the pieces that make sense to use. In so doing, they create a shared vision of their future life together... for all intents and purposes, the photo on the box.
Why is this necessary? Well, no matter how good the previous photo looked, that puzzle was created by mixing and matching pieces from their individual puzzles – puzzles they originally created before they even met each other.
But why doesn't this work?
• ... because if you’re looking for your Prince Charming; most likely because you’re still trying to work on the puzzle you began in childhood.
• ... because if, after your last serious relationship, you didn’t completely disassemble that puzzle, then you’re still looking for your last boyfriend
• ... because even if you’ve bettered yourself, built an incredible career for yourself, worked hard in therapy to unshackle yourself from your parents dreams/nightmares, and EVEN if you've found an incredible partner, you still spent all that time and effort in creating the future YOU envisioned!
So yes, I eventually want to meet someone amazing – someone who also believes that should we decide at some point to go the distance, the best way to unite will be to dissemble our individual lives, then together construct the life we want from scratch.
So again, if all you need to engage your perfect future is to find your Man, then move along; I’m not the droid you’re looking for…
It's very zen, apparently. I just zone out.. all the psych gurus say it's supposed to be awesome but it makes me less productive, I believe.
Also, I think a lot about how rapidly the world is changing now and how it would have been more serene not knowing all that we collectively know now and just to be able to kind of exist and wonder about existence without all this information that is crammed down our throats at present. I like to think about how we've created this reality for ourselves but how easily everything could have been totally different. Trying not to be shit-scared about how all our systems seem so fallible and how things seem to be shooting off the rails. I'm an idealist, for sure, and always have been... but I'm also a realist and sometimes I just feel kind of paralyzed with uncertainty about the future and I feel like that uncertainty is worse for my generation than generations past.. I try not to get bummed out about this stuff but it sure does enter my stream of consciousness fairly often.
Here's some quotes from my favorite books. Figure them out and read them.
“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.”
"I want a soul mate who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don’t already know, and make me laugh. I don’t care what you look like, just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow. I will nibble your mukluks with my own teeth. I will do your windows. I will care about your feelings. Just have something in there."
"I no longer deserve to read beautiful poems when nothing inside of me is a mirror of the truth. I speak, and a hundred lies fall through.
I spent eighteen years digging myself holes to fall into, and now I can't lay across my bed without detonating all these fucking land mines that I had spent years putting down.
How often is it three a.m. with you feeling like you're standing beneath a landslide with your mouth wide open?"
"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."
"'I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless, it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you're alive is amazing, so you don't get to say 'I'm bored.'" -Louis C.K
"you were given life. it is your duty, and right as a human being, to find happiness within this life, no matter how slight".
"all the things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace -arise from beyond the mind." ~ eckhart tolle
"If we have a good heart, we experience much happiness and relaxation. We have no reason to feel angry or jealous and we have a very happy mind. When we speak, sweet words come out. Even our face is happy and smiling. At night we go to bed with a happy mind and have a very comfortable sleep, without any worries. Otherwise, if we live our life with a very selfish, ungenerous mind, we think about nothing else except me, me, me: "When will I be happy? When will I be free from these problems?" If our attitude is like this, jealousy and anger arise easily, strongly and repeatedly, so we experience much unhappiness in our life, many ups-and-downs. During the day we have a cold heart and at night we even go to bed with a cold heart and unhappy mind."
About life. About how small/insignificant we are compared to the greatness of the universe. "We are just a moment in time. A blink of an eye...", we are not necessary, we are not special and unique.
I believe we are just dust.
 But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?
 On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains.
“That everything is on fire, slow fire, and we're all less than a million breaths away from an oblivion more total than we can even bring ourselves to even try to imagine...”
― David Foster Wallace
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.”
― Sylvia Plath
"And so being young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde
“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
"The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them from and saves them from death. Some never awaken. They are like the people who go to sleep in the snow and never awaken."
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." ~Margaret Mead
"What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” Jimi Hendrix
“Art is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer
to shape it.” -Bertolt Brecht
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” Marilyn Monroe
"Love and death are the two gifts that we pass on, and usually they are passed on unopened." ~Rainer Maria Rilke
"If the doors of perception were cleansed,
then everything would appear to man as it is,
infinite." ~William Blake
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
"I don't fuck much with the past but I fuck plenty with the future." -Patti Smith
"Love all complex things simply." -Cheryl Turney
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."
"I'm not sentimental, I'm as romantic as you are. The idea, you know, is that the sentimental person thinks things will last. The romantic person has a desperate confidence that they won't"
The meaning of life. How to work to live instead of live to work.
To assume that there is a single meaning to life is to assume that life has no meaning.
Writhe in your calm and provide your release
Weave into your wanting and needing
And reside in the heart of your strongest beliefs
I'm gonna tear all your temples down
I'm on a mission now.
Mental problems rule my mind but I stay strong and battle them each day. Only someone who deals with depression and such can understand the struggle.
Also, if you know who Anthony Bourdain and Guy Fieri are. I'm a total foodie, if you’re interested in finding the best eats and best hang outs, shoot a message my way!