35Scranton, United States
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My self-summary
I'm pretty cool unless I'm hangry.

I hate people who say they only smoke when they drink. I say "me too, but I drink a lot".

What I lack in good looks and sex appeal I more than make up for in social awkwardness and mumbling. I've also been told that I stare at the ground when talking to people, but that's probably just when I'm drunk and feeling especially charming...and talking to people.
What I’m doing with my life
Right now I'm just trying to do something really cool and interesting that I could talk about during the contestant introductions on Jeopardy. If I went on Jeopardy today I'd have to choose between talking about how I recently binge watched Supernatural or how I wet the bed until I was 19.
I’m really good at
Imagination. And I've been told I have a cute sneeze. Also into cool trades. Fair warning I will probably try to trade with you.
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably that I seem weird and that at first they don't like me, but after they talk to me they realize I'm pretty cool. Or the exact opposite.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Fuck this shit. I will tell you about my favorite beers, types of cats and conspiracy theories.

Beers: I'm all about local beer and drink tons of Porkslap and Ommegang, Peekskill's Eastern Standard and Newburgh Cream Ale. But I'm always willing to try IPAs and porters. Not really into that sour or gose crap but hey if that's your thing.

Types of cats: Balinese, Egyptian Maus, Maine Coons, Himalayans, and Nebelungs.

Favorite conspiracy theories: Currently, I'm totally into the whole Donald Trump is working for the Clinton's thing. For one thing, he's totally BFFs with the Clinton's (not saying that's a bad thing, but its true!) and he is totally systematically alienating every single group that the Republican Party establishment knows they need to win over to stay relevant. Plus, he's not as dumb as he looks, he's knows he can't actually win. Not sure how I feel about 9/11 as an inside job. Still kicking that one around. Same thing with the Robin Williams/Illuminati thing. I'm pretty convinced that Princess Diana's death was not an accident, the moon landing was definitely staged and that the magic bullet theory is totally bullshit. And yes, the Illuminati, CFR, Bilderbergs, Rothschilds, banking cartels and military industrial complex ALL answer to fourth dimensional reptilian overlords.

If you want me to list some cool bands you should check out (because sometimes I just read profiles for the sole purpose of finding new music) try these: Spits, Clarke and the Himselfs, Nobunny, Weird Paul, R. Stevie Moore, Juan Wauters, Milk Dick, Jerry Paper, Ariel Pink, Hunx and his Punx, Jay Reatard, Samuel Locke Ward...older stuff...Sparks, Dead Milkmen, Jawbreaker, Tiny Tim, Dead Milkmen, MDC, Crucifucks, Hasil Adkins, Cramps, Mekons, TV personalities, Gun Club.

Favorite karaoke songs: Private Eyes by Hall & Oates, From a Distance by Bette Midler and Jamaica me Crazy.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I spend ALL of my time thinking about ASOIAF/Game of Thrones theories. But who doesn't?
On a typical Friday night I am

Last Friday I was determined to have a Christian Slater movie marathon and watch them in order from oldest to newest but decided at the last minute to just say screw it and start with 'Pump Up the Volume'.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes I eat Chex party mix even though I'm not at a party.
You should message me if
you are a grammar nazi but not an actual nazi. So you should be doubly offended by the sentence "I think blacks, Mexicans and, Jews are ruining this country" for its overt racism and misuse of the Oxford comma.

and you understand and agree to abide by the correct usage of the word "epic" as in..."Beowulf is an heroic epic poem written in alliterative verse", or "The Iliad is an epic poem written in dactylic hexameter" as opposed to "I went to Burger King today and had five big macs and 12 orders of french fries and it was epic man!"

and you will never treat me like a yellow starburst or a green jolly rancher.
The two of us