64Reno, United States
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My self-summary
Welcome, thanks for clicking by and I hope you're enjoying our New World Disorder. Where ya been? What took ya so long? You think I enjoy being stashed in here with all these dudes? If it smelled like a locker room in here it'd be a vast improvement. If this isn't the most interesting profile you've seen, I'll buy you a congressman of your choice if it, at least, doesn't make your top 500.

Not that I'm a total techno-feeb, but if you tell me you have a bluetooth, I'll suggest you get to a dentist. I was born in central America-- Indiana-- under the sun sign of Virgo on the crisp of Leo which makes me fussy aggressive with a Hoosier twang. At age 7, I left Indy and moved to Nevada to look for work. Opportunities for a lad of my talent, iconoclastic distinctions and proclivities were severely limited east of anywhere. By age 15, I'd learned to wave bye-bye, begun my thesis on laces vs. velcro and saw my upside potential was only limited by my inability to raise my IQ to a number above my body temp.

If life were easy, everyone would be living. Are you? And just having a pulse doesn't count as living. My hamster used to have a pulse until it annoyed the cat one too many times.

I have other less ambiguous visual images I can send you upon request. I'm just trying to slow down the social shoppers whose primary interest is scrounging for man candy like a diabetic trick-or-treater about to turn into a Peeps pumpkin. Let's just find out who's authentic when they proclaim 'sense of humor is most important.'

I'm also 100% gluten free. Well, let me rephrase that. I'm actually gluten filled, but I'm including it at no charge. Thus, gluten fr..... (Did I mention I'm only using dry humor during the drought?)
What I’m doing with my life
Other than amusing you, I'm trying to stay healthy and relish life's riches before the clock strikes the dirty dozen. I'm fortunate in that I have enough money to last the rest of my life as long as I die before next Tuesday. I'm still recovering from a financially devastating decision to start a restaurant chain to compete with TGIFriday's. I thought "So Happy It's Thursday" would be an instant success. I didn't quite think through how the initials would keep me from getting any outdoor signage approved.
I’m really good at
(and diagonal parking in a parallel universe).
The first things people usually notice about me
is that I look better from a distance, after dark, if ya kinda squint and if you've mixed some medications. I really don't look my age. I'm actually in my early 60's, but most people guess between late 90's and cadaver. Many people have told me I have a self-defecating kind of humor. I say, it's a dirty job, but...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Office, The Postman, The Notebook, The Beatles, The Olive Garden, The Late Show, The Outback Steakhouse, The Bodyguard, most proper names beginning with an article.
Also, Helen Reddy, Janis Joplin, Pink, Katy Perry, Lou Rawls, Debbie Gibson (the singer-- not the apprentice), Olivia Newton-John, Norah Jones, Carly Simon, Chicago, Mel Torme', Red Skelton, Pete Barbutti, Norm MacDonald, Carrie Underwood, Trisha Yearwood, Dolly Parton (would not), Roy's, Landry's, Blue Man Group, Enya, Devo, Gilbert Gottfried, Stevie Nix, George Carlin, Mama's Fish House, Perry Como, The General Store, Miguel's, Char-Pit, Sprouts, Chart House, Walter Matthau, Shirley MacLaine, Albert Brooks, Dick Shawn, Marilyn Chambers, Benihana's, Benny Hill, Napoleon Hill, Napoleon Dynamite
Six things I could never do without
are the 7 Dwarfs minus Grumpy (what an a-hole!) And then Motel 6 (love the 'light on for me' concept... during intimate moments I'm often told to "go to the light"), the 6th Amendment (who doesn't like a speedy trial?), the 6th grade (finally absorbed long division), my 6-pack abs (currently only 5 short... I've rounded up to a keg), the Six Million Dollar Man (good dude... always willing to spot me a $20 'til payday), the 6th Commandment (good policy to not kill stuff), a 6-pack of Cherry Dr Pepper and my 6th sense comes in handy quite a bit.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how Noah handled the termites. And, am I the only one who saw a Bed, Bath and Beyond store and thought it to be an adventure rendezvous for singles? Sounds at least as intriguing as a hot springs. Thought for sure that was a mattress store for singles. Also, why can't I find a swimsuit calendar featuring sapiophiles? And I'm still trying to determine if my stint as head cheerleader at Trump University was a net positive. Btw, does anyone know if a gay guy can use a straight razor? And where are those voices coming from?
On a typical Friday night I am
wondering how people on the east coast are able to live three hours in the future... looking for investors to joint venture a psychic transmission repair shop with me... thinking I should buy Donald Trump a mirror... group texting the number of shopping days 'til my birthday... rejoicing in the outcome of a recent report from my urologist that my bed wetting problem isn't physical-- he says I'm just lazy......
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I just got a tattoo of an invisible unicorn on my forehead. I'm also a closet heterosexual. I'd really like to come out. I just went to try on a few things and now I seem to have inadvertently locked myself in. I'm hoping a soul mate, or a random passerby can GET ME OUTTA HERE !
You should message me if
No ifs! But, if you know what's good for you, go ahead... make my day. If you've got your poop in a group and can think outside the cube-- not the box-- my thoughts are in 3-D. Just wish I had the glasses to see them more clearly and that they were in color instead of b&w. And stop playing hard to get! All of us look better relative to our distance from a mirror and the distance from our relatives. And don't wait for the bleepin' beep!
The two of us