dalberta1
33Caledonia, United States
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dalberta1
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My self-summary
My name is David and I am 100% real. I pinched myself and instead of waking up it hurt pretty bad. But besides being the guy in my photos what else is a selling point? Well, I can pat my head and rub my belly at the same time. If that skill is not enough to win you over then your standards are way too high. I can also cook beyond frozen or microwavable food and don't take shirtless selfies in a mirror. I think we can all be grateful for the last one, because it proves I can afford shirts.

I have a Masters in Social Work from GVSU. I'm currently in a bit of a flux working at Steelcase until a new opportunity arises, but I've mainly done mental health and substance abuse therapy thus far in my career and hope to continue that path in some regard. I also volunteer for a charity cosplay group so I get all kinds of excuses to dress up as heroes and villains and make people smile. The experience has added so much happiness to my life. I keep active by walking, swimming and riding my bike. I can't be looking like Chris Farley if I ever consider becoming a Chippendale dancer.

What I am looking for? Oh, just that happily ever after Disney made us believe in. Easy, right? Well if only it took a few hours and befriending talking animals to meet princesses but being on here is hopefully a start. Somebody who has a sense of humor, or at least can appreciate mine, would be swell. If I find such a lady I might have to put a ring on her...a Ring Pop that is. I will even let you pick the flavor.
What I’m doing with my life
Preparing to rule the world. I still need a queen for when this event occurs. I am accepting applications until the position is filled.
I’m really good at
Stopping dragons. Ask yourself when was the last time you saw a dragon in West Michigan? Exactly, you haven't. But since I was so good and there was no sense in letting my skills go to waste I kill wasps...which actually are more dangerous to deal with. Those things are buzzing, stinging assholes!
The first things people usually notice about me
Likely my butt, because people tend to stare. Course it might be because my wallet is there most of the time and not my awesome glutes. I do have a nice wallet that holds all my membership cards that get me discounts so I guess I can't fault anybody. People also comment on how I look younger than my age. But at least they don't say I look like a kid; I would have grandmas pinching my cheeks left and right!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, The Corrections, Shit My Dad Says and The Other Side of the River.

Movies: Jurassic Park (and World), Crash, Pan's Labyrinth, The Shawshank Redemption, Lord of the Rings trilogy, American Beauty, How to Train Your Dragon, The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Princess Bride

TV: Mainly sports like Detroit Red Wings, Michigan football and the Detroit Lions (yes, I apparently like to torture myself like many Michiganders), but I also like Family Guy, American Dad, Archer, Bojack Horseman, Breaking Bad, Rick and Morty and Stranger Things. I'm beyond stoked that Samurai Jack is getting its' final season and a proper ending so if you are also a fan we can nerd in that regard.

Music: Classic rock and alternative. I like Metallica, Boston, Van Halen, Nirvana, Tool and Foo Fighters to name a few.

Food: Anything that tastes good, particularly Italian, seafood and Chinese. But more important anything good for my body. That thing called metabolism is starting to slow down so I can't consume half a pizza anymore without seeing the results in the mirror.
Six things I could never do without
1. The internet. After all how else would you be reading my profile and getting charmed by me?
2. A sense of humor. None of us make it out of life alive so might as well be silly.
3. My friends. As in real ones, not Facebook people who send me a request because they liked one of my comments.
4. Food and water. There is a slight chance I might die if I do not have any sustenance in my body.
5. Hygiene items like soap, shampoo, etc. Guys kind of stink in a hurry when they don't clean up, and last time I checked I was still a guy.
6. Hugs, kisses, mutually agreed upon butt touching...I'm all about the affection and releasing oxytocin.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 but hot dog buns come in packages of 8? If a tree falls down in the forest and hits a mime, does anybody care? What if the hokey pokey is not what it is all about? Does eating too many Twinkies really make you stupid? Is that why most people are idiots these days, because of over-consumption of yellow sponged cream cakes? You might laugh but somebody needs to seriously ponder these world altering thoughts.
On a typical Friday night I am
I am working the poles on weekends...just kidding. If I could contort and had a six pack like Magic Mike I wouldn't be single, and likely not as broke. I usually go out to eat or if the Griffins are playing I head to Van Andel to see grown men hit each other on the ice. Otherwise I cook something on the grill, and if things get far enough I'll cook for you too. Think about how jealous your friends will be...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I shower naked. I'm not fond of having wet clothes while cleaning myself. Legend says when I was a baby I popped a bear's head off...legend also says it was probably a teddy bear. I am an old soul trapped in a young man's body, even though I'd prefer being a person stuck in the body of a T-Rex. Making my bed every morning could be a struggle though with stubby arms.
You should message me if
You have a super model body, make millions, can ride a narwhal...the basic demands people look for in an online match, right? Well maybe I am being a little facetious but I don't do silly deal breakers in search of the perfect person, since none exists. We are all just two flawed individuals who hopefully don't want to chuck one another into the Grand River after an outing. That river is gross, any girl who shoved me in is not getting a hug at the end of the night. And I give really good hugs so I wouldn't recommend blowing the opportunity.

But in all seriousness (okay, some seriousness) hit me up if you appreciate my humor, believe the only games you play with people include words like Scrabble or Battleship, and you actually meet up vs being a Frosted Flake. The cereal is grrrrrrreat, cancelling plans last minute or ghosting just stinks. So if everything looks peachy let's have a grand adventure or two! Or ten. More the merrier!
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