dalberta1
32 Caledonia, United States
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dalberta1
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My self-summary
I'm David and 100% real. No whisker fishing going on here. But besides actually being the guy in my photos what else makes me irresistible? Well, I can pat my head and rub my belly at the same time. If that skill is not enough to win you over then your standards are way too high. I also can cook beyond frozen or microwavable food, remember how to drive in snow every winter, and most importantly don't take shirtless selfies in a mirror. My concern isn't girls thinking I am self-absorbed but believing I don't own shirts. I promise if we get to that meetup point I will be wearing a shirt. Probably a funny graphic t-shirt too. See, told you it's hard to resist me.

I received a Masters in Social Work from GVSU and currently work at a methadone clinic. Being a social worker of course every girl is chasing me for my huge paychecks...yeah right! I attempt keeping active by walking and biking the Kent Trails along with swimming. I've lost over 35 lbs. the past few years but still don't look like Ryan Gosling with my clothes off...maybe if somebody is super drunk I might (but please don't try to prove this hypothesis. Your head and liver will not thank you). I like Artprize, sporting events, trying new breweries and restaurants, and anything outdoorsy like fishing, hunting or the beach. I also like cosplaying and Halloween.

What I am looking for? Oh, just that happily ever after Disney made us believe in. Easy, right? Well if only it took a few hours and befriending talking animals to meet our true love, but being on here is hopefully a start. After all it seems like the best way to meet other singles without booze around...though I'm sure people send drunk messages from their place of residence. Somebody who has a sense of humor, or at least appreciates mine, would be swell. If I find such a lady I might have to put a ring on her. Don't test me, I got rings galore...Ring Pops that is. And it doesn't cost three month's worth of pay to get you another one.
What I’m doing with my life
Preparing to rule the world. I still need a queen for when this event occurs. I am currently accepting applications until the position is filled.
I’m really good at
Stopping dragons. Ask yourself when was the last time you saw a dragon in West Michigan? Exactly. I worked behind the scenes so you never were aware. But since I was so awesome my skills have moved on to spiders. So if you need somebody to protect you from arachnids I'm your man. You just need to provide the Kleenex.
The first things people usually notice about me
My butt apparently, probably because my wallet is there most of the time. I do have quite the sexy piece of leather so I can't blame anybody. After all it holds all my membership cards that can get me deals if we head out.

People also comment on how I look younger than my age. But at least they don't say I look like a kid; I would have grandmas pinching my cheeks left and right!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, The Corrections, Shit My Dad Says and The Other Side of the River.

Movies: Jurassic Park, Crash, Pan's Labyrinth, The Shawshank Redemption, Lord of the Rings trilogy, American Beauty, A History of Violence, How to Train Your Dragon, The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Princess Bride

TV: Mainly sports like Detroit Red Wings, Michigan football and the Detroit Lions (yes, I apparently like to torture myself like many Michiganders), but I also like Family Guy, American Dad, Archer, Bojack Horseman, Breaking Bad, Rick and Morty and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I'm sure you could talk me into watching Nick at Nite re-runs too. I liked Mr. Ed and The Munsters.

Music: Classic rock and alternative. I like Metallica, Boston, Van Halen, Nirvana, Tool and Foo Fighters to name a few. If you ever wish to annoy me play pop music on the radio.

Food: Anything that tastes good, particularly Italian, seafood and Chinese. But more important anything good for my body. That thing called metabolism is starting to slow down.
The six things I could never do without
1. The internet. Sad how dependent on technology life has become. But how else would I have made this profile to meet an awesome girl?
2. A sense of humor
3. My friends
4. Food and water. There is a slight chance I might die if I do not have any sustenance in my body.
5. Hygiene items like soap, shampoo, etc. Guys kind of stink in a hurry when they don't bathe, and last time I checked I was still a guy.
6. A bed, or anything to sleep on. I am getting older, the body doesn't have the internal stamina of a horse anymore.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 but hot dog buns come in packages of 8? If a tree falls down in the forest and hits a mime, does anybody care? What if the hokey pokey is not what it is all about? Does eating too many Twinkies really make you stupid? Is that why most people are idiots these days, because of over-consumption of yellow sponged cream cakes? You might laugh but somebody needs to seriously ponder these world altering thoughts.
On a typical Friday night I am
I am working the poles on weekends...just kidding. Male amateur nights don't happen in Grand Rapids anymore, plus if I could contort and had a six pack like Magic Mike I wouldn't be single. I usually go out to eat or make something myself, or if the Griffins are playing on $2 Beer Night I head to Van Andel to see grown men hit each other on the ice. Or I stay in and grill a steak. And if you're lucky enough I'll make you some meat too. Course some veggie burgers sound good too if you go that route...I'm flexible for whatever keeps you happy. What a guy, huh?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I shower naked. I don't find the experience refreshing or cleansing with clothes on (plus I like being naked, so gives you something to look forward to). Legend says when I was a baby I popped a bear's head off...legend also says it was probably a teddy bear. I am an old soul trapped in a young man's body, even though I'd prefer being a person stuck in the body of a T-Rex. Making my bed every morning could be a struggle though with my stubby arms.
You should message me if
You have a super model body, make millions, can ride a narwhal...the basic demands people look for in an online match, right? Well maybe I am being a little facetious but I don't do silly deal breakers in search of the perfect person, since none exists. We are all just two flawed individuals who hopefully don't want to chuck one another into the Grand River after an outing. That river is gross, any girl who shoved me in is not getting a hug at the end of the night. And I give really good hugs so I wouldn't recommend blowing the opportunity.

But in all seriousness (okay, some seriousness) hit me up if I made you laugh so hard you spat liquid refreshment all over your screen, believe the only games to play in relationships include words like Scrabble or Battleship, treat people like priorities vs options in a grocery store aisle, or anything else made me seem dreamy. After all whatever gets us interacting in the "real world" should be the ultimate goal. If everything looks fantastic lets go out and have grand adventures!
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