Interviewer: What would you say your biggest weakness is?
Interviewer: Really? I don't think that honesty is a weakness.
Applicant: I don't give a fuck what you think.
It's hard to take this place seriously.
One time I came home and found a Hispanic man locked inside of my garage. I let him out, and I think he started trying to explain how he had come to end up in my garage; he must have been speaking in Portugese because it sounded like Spanish but I couldn't understand what he was saying, even though I speak enough Spanish to grasp a pretty basic explanation of how a man gets locked inside a garage. I think he might have been saying that he was being chased by some ruffians and instinctively ducked inside my garage to hide, or he might have been talking about how he'd been on a meth bender and mistaken my garage for a portable toilet. Anyway, after a couple of minutes it became clear that we weren't going to understand each other, so we just sort of nodded and went our separate ways. I don't know, I feel like I learned something.
I'm wary of people who find it easy to identify themselves.
This new font blows.
On the other hand, if I had to say what it is that makes me better than other people, it's my hair.
True Romance, American Psycho, Snake and Crane Arts of Shaolin, Aliens, The Prestige, Fresh, In the Mood for Love, Akira, Upstream Color. John Carpenter and Kurt Russell, Sidney Lumet, Coens, Joss Whedon, Tom McCarthy, David Fincher, Roman Polanski (as a director, not a person), Akira Kurosawa, Stanley Kubrick, Sam Peckinpah. Gary Oldman. Julianne Moore. Last movie I saw was The Gift. It was dark, but good. Movies I don't like that other people like: The Departed (the Chinese version is just way, way better), Annie Hall.
Home Movies or anything else with Jon Benjamin, anything that Bob Odenkirk has had anything to do with, Arrested Development, Cowboy Bebop, The Wire, Justified, Workaholics, Kroll Show, Peep Show, Luther, The Colbert Report, Blind Date, college basketball. Breaking Bad, RIP. Shows I hate that a lot of you suckers fucking love for no discernible reason: Family Guy, anything Seth McFarlane has anything to do with, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, The Newsroom, most sports, except as something to nap in front of, I could go on for a while on this one.
C-Rayz Walz, Rob Sonic, Doom, Kool G Rap, De La Soul, Diggin' in the Crates crew, Ghostface, old Ninja Tune stuff, Ghostly Intl., Four Tet, Grizzly Bear, Black Moth Super Rainbow, Gayngs, Danny Brown, King Khan and The Shrines, Gardens and Villa, Frank Zappa, Jefferson Airplane, Bonnie Prince Billy, Kurt Vile, Seldom Scene, Doc Watson, Tame Impala, True Achiever, The Kinks, Dead Milkmen, Black Tambourine, Nina Simone, a lot of Ty Segall and Thee Oh Sees lately. More, probably. Stuff I don't like that other people do: Odd Future and other shitty rappers.
I'm not much of a food person. I think I used to be, but the thing where everyone wants to compete with each other as foodies and amateur chefs, that's exhausting. I like good food. And bad food, probably.
I got kicked off of BlackPeopleMeet.com and FarmersOnly.com. Turns out they're very stringent.
-you don't use the phrase "craft beer" anywhere in your fucking profile. Actually, you don't say that shit ever.
-you're not one of those Ayn Randian/bootstrap psychos who believe that struggles in life are the results of character deficits.