39Allston, United States
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My self-summary
Nomad, mutt. Prodigal son of the South. Black sheep. Left hand path. Moral skeptic. Smart-ass. Bent but clever, too clever for my own good. Brother. Aggregate of useless knowledge, skill and experience. Handy in a crisis. Apparently the only dude on okcupid who doesn't lie about his height.

Interviewer: What would you say your biggest weakness is?

Applicant: Honesty.

Interviewer: Really? I don't think that honesty is a weakness.

Applicant: I don't give a fuck what you think.

It's hard to take this place seriously.

One time I came home and found a Hispanic man locked inside of my garage. I let him out, and I think he started trying to explain how he had come to end up in my garage; he must have been speaking in Portugese because it sounded like Spanish but I couldn't understand what he was saying, even though I speak enough Spanish to grasp a pretty basic explanation of how a man gets locked inside a garage. I think he might have been saying that he was being chased by some ruffians and instinctively ducked inside my garage to hide, or he might have been talking about how he'd been on a meth bender and mistaken my garage for a portable toilet. Anyway, after a couple of minutes it became clear that we weren't going to understand each other, so we just sort of nodded and went our separate ways. I don't know, I feel like I learned something.

I'm wary of people who find it easy to identify themselves.

This new font blows.
What I’m doing with my life
Half trying to be a writer, half trying to acquire skills that will make me useful to the tribe, post-apocalypse. I'm trying to live a balanced life, for fuck's sake. Right now I'm submitting stories for publication and filling out applications for master's programs in writing.
I’m really good at
Reading. Writing. Operating on little sleep. Explaining things. Crossword puzzles. Fixing cars. Dressing well. Driving. Making nice with people I disagree with. Talking. Ordering shit I don't need online. Going through the motions. Making breakfast. Procrastinating.
The first things people usually notice about me
One girl told me that the first thing she noticed when she met me was how pale I am. So that's something.

On the other hand, if I had to say what it is that makes me better than other people, it's my hair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
William Faulkner, Philip K. Dick, Salman Rushdie, Yukio Mishima, Walker Percy, Flannery O'Connor, Ray Bradbury, John O'Hara, Wole Soyinka, Tobias Wolff, Raymond Chandler, Larry McMurtry, Richard Stark, Roberto Bolano, Taiyo Matsumoto, Grant Morrison, David Lapham, Michael DeForge, Brandon Graham. Authors that I do not like that other people seem to: Haruki Murakami, Paul Auster.


True Romance, American Psycho, Snake and Crane Arts of Shaolin, Aliens, The Prestige, Fresh, In the Mood for Love, Akira, Upstream Color. John Carpenter and Kurt Russell, Sidney Lumet, Coens, Joss Whedon, Tom McCarthy, David Fincher, Roman Polanski (as a director, not a person), Akira Kurosawa, Stanley Kubrick, Sam Peckinpah. Gary Oldman. Julianne Moore. Last movie I saw was The Gift. It was dark, but good. Movies I don't like that other people like: The Departed (the Chinese version is just way, way better), Annie Hall.

Home Movies or anything else with Jon Benjamin, anything that Bob Odenkirk has had anything to do with, Arrested Development, Cowboy Bebop, The Wire, Justified, Workaholics, Kroll Show, Peep Show, Luther, The Colbert Report, Blind Date, college basketball. Breaking Bad, RIP. Shows I hate that a lot of you suckers fucking love for no discernible reason: Family Guy, anything Seth McFarlane has anything to do with, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, The Newsroom, most sports, except as something to nap in front of, I could go on for a while on this one.

C-Rayz Walz, Rob Sonic, Doom, Kool G Rap, De La Soul, Diggin' in the Crates crew, Ghostface, old Ninja Tune stuff, Ghostly Intl., Four Tet, Grizzly Bear, Black Moth Super Rainbow, Gayngs, Danny Brown, King Khan and The Shrines, Gardens and Villa, Frank Zappa, Jefferson Airplane, Bonnie Prince Billy, Kurt Vile, Seldom Scene, Doc Watson, Tame Impala, True Achiever, The Kinks, Dead Milkmen, Black Tambourine, Nina Simone, a lot of Ty Segall and Thee Oh Sees lately. More, probably. Stuff I don't like that other people do: Odd Future and other shitty rappers.

I'm not much of a food person. I think I used to be, but the thing where everyone wants to compete with each other as foodies and amateur chefs, that's exhausting. I like good food. And bad food, probably.
Six things I could never do without
Blah, blah, blah. I like having hands. I could probably do without one or the other, but if I were missing one I'd want a bad ass bionic hand that could, like, crush bricks and shit but was also gentle enough to... I don't know, rub one out with. Writing. Psychiatric medication (my brain hates me).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Stupid, stupid things that neither you or I want to see in this box. I have a conspiracy theory about toothbrushes. There aren't any goddamned Bojangle's on this side of the Mason-Dixon. (Apparently there was one in Brooklyn for like half a second in the second half of the oughts. I heard it was disappointing.) Why don't streaming movie sites have a section for kung fu movies? I do not trust The Weather Channel. There is something listed on ebay at this very moment that would complete me. I know you from somewhere. I used to know math. Why are people so fucking bad at life? How well do I know myself?
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm an empty essay... blow me!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Zoos bum me the fuck out.

I got kicked off of BlackPeopleMeet.com and FarmersOnly.com. Turns out they're very stringent.
You should message me if
-there were ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away.
-you don't use the phrase "craft beer" anywhere in your fucking profile. Actually, you don't say that shit ever.
-you're not one of those Ayn Randian/bootstrap psychos who believe that struggles in life are the results of character deficits.
The two of us