Tired, anxious and heartbroken anti-capitalist seeks companions to be sad with, to escape work with, to play video and board games with, organise with, and to watch cartoons with. I'm corrosively awkward and very self-involved, but also earnest and affectionate.
I am non-binary trans and genderqueer. They / them / their. I feel like my identity is not supposed to exist and I feel pretty revolting, confused and scared most of the time. Valuing femininity in a world where it is constantly debased is pretty important to me.
INTP (borderline INFP). Enneagram 5 (borderline 1). Cancer (borderline Leo). Melancholic (borderline phlegmatic). In a Big Five Personality test, I scored high on Neuroticism and Openness, and very low on Agreeableness. Wannabe goth.
I spend most of my time alone, and so my emotional intelligence is middling. I'm very sensitive to the needs of others when I'm paying attention, but I'm not always paying attention. In some contexts, I have total self-knowledge, but in others, I struggle to identify patterns in my own behaviour. I'm responsive and communicative when it suits me, and completely unreachable when it doesn't. I sometimes flippantly say hurtful things for reasons I don't fully understand.
My biggest interests by time spent are probably:
* PSX JRPGs which I missed first time around and which haven't aged well;
* Twine & browser games made by trans women;
* Character-driven webcomics made by trans women;
* Social history (& especially microhistory);
* Cartoons I can convince myself are transgressive;
* Migrants' & detainees' rights in the UK;
* Old English poetry;
* Feeling cute;
* Hiding my face;
* Folk music performed by trans people.
My mental health is not good right now. I am very socially isolated and kind of hope-starved. My deal is kind of: pessimism and communism. I wanna revolt and play Smash Bros. Contact me if that's also your deal
A few years ago, I was not very good at practicing consent, and a few years before that, I sometimes drank a lot and wasn't great to be around. It's a long time ago. I behave and think very differently now, and I'm willing to explain anything you need to hear. But I get it if that's a permanent red flag for you.
I am full of love and interest, but my life isn't very much in order at the moment.
Trying to be compassionate with people. Being scared of my future. Speedrunning Banjo-Kazooie, but not competitively, and never keeping note of my times. Just doing it for the sake of doing it; sucking all the joy out of one of my favourite things, because I don't know how else to deal with my love for it.
Having to sell my labour without regard for my mental health in order to gain permission to be alive
Apparently I am excellent at appearing to be a gay cis man.
I like novels: The Waves, A Confederacy of Dunces, Middlemarch, and The Return of the Native.
Periodicals: notoriously unclubbable types like me must find private ways of belonging. I subscribe to New Left Review, the London Review of Books, and Past & Present. I like the Wire.
In music, I'm into Azealia Banks, FKA Twigs, Girlyman, Kate Bush, Janelle Monáe, Owen Pallett, Joanna Newsom, M.I.A., Momus, and Neko Case.
But I desperately love frequency modulation soundtracks from old dating sims (and the odd revival like Etrian Odyssey).
Radio: I listen to Resonance.FM and NTS Radio a lot, and NPR, BBCs 3, 4 & 6, and the World Service, a little.
At my funeral, probably play I Was a Maoist Intellectual, Running Up that Hill, and then this: http://youtu.be/xgn1eHG_lr8
Favourite and recently enjoyed games include Banjo Kazooie, Dominique Pamplemousse, FF X-2, Hate Plus, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, Shadow of the Colossus, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Rymdkapsel, Star Control II, and With Those We Love Alive.
The TV I most like includes Adventure Time, Borgen, Every Frame a Painting, The Legend of Korra, any Jonathan Meades programme, Mad Men (I don't accept the orthodox interpretation of the ending), Revolutionary Girl Utena, Sailor Moon, Steven Universe, and Watchdog.
Movies I like include The Piano, The World's End, Alien, Brassed Off, Ratatouille, The Thief and the Cobbler, The Land Before Time, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen and Whisper of the Heart.
My favourite webcomics are Unsounded, xkcd, Dresden Codak, Kate Beaton's little holiday diaries, Computer Love, Family Man, Dicebox, and A Lesson is Learned but the Damage is Irreversible. I will not respond to messages about your favourite Marvel or DC characters or runs. Please keep your fascination with these moribund companies or their lurid film productions to yourself.
My absolute favourite speaking voices are those of Holly Hunter, Tariq Ali, Jarvis Cocker, Virginia Woolf, Jim Carter, and J R R Tolkein.
I tend to doodle a lot of animal-human chimerae and genderqueer gourmands.
Local history is a wonderful thing to throw yourself into. Who lived in your house in 1840?
(I'm rendered totally helpless by Japanese-style turn-based RPGs, especially if they're really cute and allow me to dress up my characters)
How mainstream video games valorise normatively male behaviour and values, while devaluing feminised labour.
How the nature of play is socially determined.
That Hannah Black essay in The New Inquiry which placed ASMR in the context of alienation of communities, and the outsourcing of affective labour under capitalism.
How I've fucked up a lot in my personal relationships, and need to learn to be a better partner and friend. Whether I'm going to be able to have warm shelter my whole life. Whether I'll find a community I can feel part of.
The endless, fascinating depths of racism, sexism and bad writing in Game of Thrones. It's just awful, but I can't look away.
I feel like the deficiency of Brief Encounter is that the titular event doesn't actually happen on a train. The film isn't about trains at all. Have you ever had a serendipitous conversation with a stranger in the Reading Costa? Of course not. The space is designed to make you spend money and then leave. All the magic happens on the train. A narked parent once threatened me for talking to his baby on the 0808 to Southampton Central.
How JRPG parties are like the queerfam I've never had
I used to have lots of hobbit fantasies, but now I dream about space insects building cosmic communities
Types of trash I am (i.e., pop culture jokes I will get tend to be based on): DragonBall, Sonic the Hedgehog, Final Fantasy, Lord of the Rings, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
You're a trans woman with radical politics and a lot of patience. (I know this is a big ask. I wouldn't begrudge any trans women who didn't want to talk gender with someone like me.)
No SWP, no GamerGate, no cops, and no fat shamers, slut shamers, or body shamers of any kind. No SWERF 'n' TERF. Definitely no libertarians. Tories will be shot on sight. Zionists, Tankies, Trots, Stalinists, and other apologists for state violence: don't talk to me. 'Sapiosexuals' or anyone who isn't an explicit anti-ableist: no. Absolutely nobody who denies the Shoah, the Armenian Genocide, the continued colonial war against Indigenous Americans, or any other genocide, is welcome. MRAs, PUAs, 'humanists', 'factual feminists' and misogynists in general? There's the door. 'Rationalists', effective altruists, skeptics, movement atheists and logical postivists, stay away. If you think some people are just too negative, fuck off. No men over 40. As a general rule, if there's a subreddit for you, I don't need you in my life.
Anxious unemployed queer vegan anarchists welcome.
Please contact me if you're into minicomix, cats, theory, anarchism, turn-based JRPGs, social history, cartoons, sandwiches, and constitutional design, because we were meant to be.