29 Buffalo, United States
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My self-summary
I'm, like, undefinable...like...I just don't believe in labels, you know? I'm like an onion buried under 500 feet of concrete. I find few things less attractive than a freshly mowed lawn. I'm pretty mean and self-deprecating, but don't worry, I have a very high opinion of both of us. I take my cereal dry.
I’m really good at
Expressing myself, making analogies, making excuses, making sweeping generalizations, schadenfreude, empathizing (usually in that order), trivia to the point that it reflects poorly on me, scramble with friends, darts, flexibility, keeping a straight face.
The first things people usually notice about me
You'll have to ask them. I'm guessing chrome dome, steely glare, rapier wit, ease with clichés if I'm lucky, and my use of Oxford commas.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

The Royal Tenenbaums

Documentary Now, SciFi from my childhood


The kind that makes me rip out all my smoke detectors
The six things I could never do without
Netflix, Wegman's craft packs, something to be indignant about, a delusional sense of superiority that nobody can take away from me, Q-tips (not that store brand bullshit), and let's keep it real: government subsidized corn.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
whatever happened to spontaneous human combustion? I was sure that would be a bigger concern for me at this point. Cooking (rapidly becoming my only interest). Modern Seinfeld plots, band names, tattoos. I'd like to think that Larry David, Daniel Dumile, and I would be friends if we all knew each other.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If you're reading this you're already in rarified air, so why not a bunch? I hesitate getting on and off escalators, and I'm afraid of whales. I stare at reflections and security cam images of myself in public, hopefully surreptitiously, but probably not (mainly because I'm still not 100% sure of what I look like). I also have a strong aversion to wrapping presents, it really stresses me out. My biggest pet peeve is when people refer to apes as "monkeys." I'm a lot smarter than I look and a lot dumber than I seem.
You should message me if
you're the type