dima42
32 San Francisco, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
dima42
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
Quiet, contemplative, nerdy.

I've spent a lot of time writing software, teaching physics, playing poker, playing piano, and traveling.

I'm largely split between many identities. It's hard for me to identify as queer or straight, as radical or establishment-liberal, as local or global minded. I like this because it means I have to introspect often and can understand many points of view.
What I’m doing with my life
- working on software connecting small businesses and their clients. I feel like I save other people time, so my work is fulfilling.
- playing piano, playing go and hiking.
- having one on one conversations that make me feel connected to a few people I like.
I’m really good at
- getting emotionally rich experiences out of life
- not taking advantage of people
- maintaining long-distance relationships, particularly over writing
- quickly solving high school math problems
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:
- Catch-22
- The Little Prince
- Dispossessed

Movies/Shows:
I watch almost none. Inside Out was pretty good. So was Lord of The Rings.

Music:
- A lot of piano music. Adagio from Mozart's Piano Concerto 23, Chopin's Prelude in D Minor, opening of Rachmaninoff's 2nd piano concerto.
- Things that have meaningful lyrics and are easy to sing to, somewhat biased towards female vocalists: Dar Williams, Vienna Teng, Girlyman

Food:
- Approximately everything, with as much diversity as possible. If I had to pick one food, right now it'd be poached eggs.
The six things I could never do without
Essential: food, antihistamines, clothing, sleeping bag, laptop, and either a backpack to carry these or a room to put them in.

Highly desirable: thermarest/mattress, sheets, towel, piano, smartphone, coffee, leatherman, flashlight, toothbrush+toothpaste+soap+shampoo
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What my ideal living situation might be like, and how I might find/make it. I need to balance my introversion with my desire to live with people that feel like a family.

How to do more for people. This is currently mostly a matter of my job and being a supporting friend. I try to frequently reevaluate whether I'm still working on sensible things and whether my friendship exchange is lacking anything.
On a typical Friday night I am
50%: playing piano/go
30%: writing a letter to a friend
20%: working
20%: getting dinner with a friend
20%: on a plane to go see a friend
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I lie sometimes. A sample of things I've lied about:
- I've mentioned to an interviewer that I went to Alaska for a month while I actually was only there for ten days. I perceived my experience in Alaska as Very Important and I wanted him to perceive it this way, too.
- I've told my mom that I didn't have a job. I was pretty seriously thinking of quitting this job, and I didn't want her to judge me on that
- I've lied multiple times about e.g. what I did on the weekend. I didn't want to be judged for being a hermit.

I don't think I lie maliciously or with particularly negative consequences for anyone. But I'm not entirely sure. I'm working on lying less; my favorite strategy for this is telling many people about my lying. I feel ashamed as a result and thus it works as an incentive to lie less.

I have anxiety. It's not crippling, but it's a notable part of my life. There are some circumstances I really just avoid for health reasons, e.g. loud bars. In general, my socialization tends to be strongly biased towards one on one interactions.

I'm working on anxiety too. The primary ways I've made progress are
- avoiding stressful social situations
- secure job/financial situation
- consistent therapy sessions (in addition to actually working on my problems, it's a great reminder to myself that I always need to be aware of my mental health)
- being close friends with a couple friends with similar issues and being each other's support network
You should message me if
- You want to start a conversation or continue one that I started
- You want to go hiking/backpacking/cycling/hitchhiking/couchsurfing/etc. with me.
- You want to play classical music with me (I play piano)
- You want to teach me something or learn something from me
- You know a place I would enjoy living. I'm in a pretty long-term more-optimal-housing search, my rough preference calculator is at https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1EDqr0RkZF_77yza56s4qjjZZt4EvpRi5HerKu1eF3gc/edit#gid=1959013807
- None of these but you can find your own self-shaped hole :). I suspect I may prefer that, since it means you've diversified my perspective.

My interpersonal interactions are largely characterized by
- Relationship anarchy. I don't draw primary/secondary distinctions. I don't even draw friend/date distinctions. I try to learn how the two of us can most increase each other's happiness and then do that. I'm moderately compatible with some people's polyamory modes. I'm also moderately compatible with some people's "just friends" modes if this includes some emotional intimacy and commitment.
- Relatively large amounts of commitment. It's more fulfilling to me to have repeated interactions with a few people rather than short-lived interactions with many.
More