Now that we got that out of the way let's get into how incredibly awesome I am.
Do I have a television? Who cares. TV is overrated anyway. If I do have a television you know I'm watching only the finest programming available. Go outside.
I have a dog. She is the shit. She cooks food for me and also brings me cans of beer. In return she gets tummy rubs for days.
I work. Many people enjoy what I do. Some women cannot stand what I do. Whatever you do, make sure it's worth your life. Pretty sure we only get one.
Karma is a bitch and I make it mine. Don't live your life in fear of pissing people off.
Most people want you to eat a bag of dicks. Only eat a dick if that's what YOU wanna do. If not order some waffle fries.
My favorite flavor milkshake is strawberry and sometimes chocolate. If you like vanilla that's cool and I'm happy for you.
Red pepper on pizza
Gratitude (if a stranger holds the door for you, smile and say thanks.)
And guys, hold the door for people, not just attractive women).
number 6 can eat it because Im only listing 5.