48Brooklyn, United States
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My self-summary
Personality type: FUTWBCHPCBAFL, which is an acronym for "Those Who Believe Complex Human Personalities Can Be Abbreviated by Four Letters". Preceded by FU.

Russian, came to New York a long time ago, in the last millennium. Yet I still sometimes feel like a stranger in a strange land. Many social and inter-personal rituals continue to puzzle and confuse me.
If only there was a kind-hearted angel somewhere out there who would be compassionate, tolerant, and patient enough to teach me all those mysterious American ways. I am especially curious about mouth-to-mouth kissing -- can't wait to try that!
What I’m doing with my life
I'm being very careful and taking all precautions in order not to be abducted by aliens.
I’m really good at
my mom thinks I'm good at everything.
she tells me so all the time.
she thinks I'm very special.
The first things people usually notice about me
Tall, dark, handsome.
Scratching myself incessantly in all the funny places.
Smell of boiled cabbage.
I look a lot younger than my age. A lot younger. It's not always a good thing, because sometimes I can get no respect, damn it!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
"Як я картофельку сажала" - a traditional Russian folk song about planting potatoes. Like all Russians, I have to listen to it 5 times a day, every day. Loud!
I'm an omnivore, and I'm not very picky about food, but since we're on the subject, I have a food-related question: what's up with women putting "taco" in their profile names? Is that a vagina reference??? I've come across 3 or 4 already. I need to know fast, because if this is a new trend that all the cool kids are into, I don't want to miss out. I mean to change my boring name for a while now. Dmitri_happybanana? Dmitri_yammysausage? Dmitri_magicalzucchini?
I like the last one, because it hints both at size and color.
Six things I could never do without
I like taking naps and pistachio ice cream.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
When you visit someone's profile (desktop, not mobile app), there are 8 "Similar Users" in the right bottom corner. They used to have a one-or-two-words annotation, like "more introverted" or "less spiritual", etc. And I found it to be a hilarious reflection on the profile you are visiting. This would often be the first thing I go to. For example, if there were 8 users marked "similar" -- well it sort of implied that the profile you are visiting belongs to a mildly average person. But sometimes these 8 were "less kinky", "less desiring of sex", "more conservative", "more pure", and my personal favorite -- "more moral". ha-ha. Now that actually means that the page you're currently on belongs to someone REALLY FUN!!! I think they killed this feature, it's a shame.
Also, I spend some time wondering why are all these beautiful sexy educated interesting well-read well-traveled driven accomplished faultless and perfect in every way women find themselves without a man, reduced to reading idiotic ramblings of a god forsaken loser like myself.
Why are 45-year old women introducing themselves as "girls"? I know you all "feel" young, but there must be a ceiling, no?
I spend most of the time thinking about what the hell is wrong with me. Suggestions are welcome!
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm beginning to suspect that I am not perfect.
And I'm working on being able to admit that.
Damn, it's hard...
I cannot get sexually excited unless, before intercourse, I smash a couple of dozen small live goldfish on a kitchen countertop with a hammer. You must stand next to me and watch. In silence.
You should message me if
- you are a submissive 20-something year old geisha with daddy issues, and you would like to "short-term date" me several times.
- you are a widow of a recently executed Nigerian dictator, and you are looking for ways to transfer your enormous wealth to America using my bank account.
- not only are you a great cook, homemaker, and an excellent provider, but you honestly feel that you will REALLY ENJOY cooking, cleaning, washing, and providing for me.
transsexuals: please, post-op only!!!
please, no actresses.
too much drama!
please, no more than 3 nose rings, with the largest no more than 2 inches in diameter.
I'm beginning to lose my patience with all these young beautiful insatiable girls who only want to use me for wild and crazy sex. STOP!!! I am more than just a piece of delicious man-meat. At this point in my life, I'm looking for a deep, personal connection on a profound spiritual level. I want something transformative and meaningful. I want a soul-mate. I want to be able to explore art, discuss books, walk along candle-lit beaches, etc. I want to be able to stand on the corner of Grand and Mott, at three in the morning, in silence, holding hands, watching rats doing their thing. Because nature is awesome.

I am sort of a little tired of all those happy shiny people who have all their shit together and smiling all the time...
I want someone miserable and lonely.
And I'm only half-joking here. Actually, I'm serious.
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!!! That thing above about post-op trannies was a joke. I do not wish to be contacted by lonely romantically-minded post-op transsexuals. Actually, the same applies to pre-op trannies as well. Thank you very much!
The two of us