27 Tallahassee, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
everything on my profile is probably absolutely 100% categorically sincere

my name is definitely a fifty shades of grey reference

shut-in chic post-fore-postplaying myoptimum ironoclast

i'm a very outgoing girl. shy at first.

i am a simple, laid-back, down-to-earth, easy-going platitude who works hard and plays hard

reckless libertine. silver-blooded slytherin

embrace the absurd, laugh instead of crying

i am perverse and often baffling
What I’m doing with my life
terrorizing my housepets

moonlighting as veronica mars

between making an ass of myself and inadequately conveying irony over the internet, i fence in my spare time (with swords, not pickets) and pretend to be a functional person
I’m really good at
not believing a word you say, seeing fnords, sleeping through alarm clocks, sexting, devil's advocacy, driving manual, making people laugh/uncomfortable
The first things people usually notice about me
that i look like somebody they know

my unfaltering ability to make hilarious blunders while trying to do simple things

how much more like brian i look than dexter
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
i promise i have superb taste
The six things I could never do without
in no particular order: glasses, blackout curtains, manual transmission, connectivity, eyebrows, and the unrelenting/hilarious stupidity/ingenuity of humankind
I spend a lot of time thinking about
where to eat for lunch and what i want on my sandwich
On a typical Friday night I am
face-down in a puddle of my own vomit and turning down sex

deciphering moon runes

playing children's card games

wearing the skin of my anime princesses
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
i frequently laugh at your expense, but i just as frequently cry at mine

i laugh harder at my own jokes than i ever will at yours

i don't read your favorite anythings

i frequently always never sometimes occasionally periodically at intervals in moderation and by degrees change my profile in trivial ways just to show up in your activity feed

i wish i could put "activity partners" in scare quotes
You should message me if

•you are my 100% enemy

•you want to be my blowjob queen

•you're an obnoxious knee-jerk reactionary social justice slacktivist

•all you have to say is "hi" or "what's up" (i appreciate simplicity)

•you lack perspective

•you are a creep, douchebag, psycho, axe murderer or any combination thereof

•you want to be my sugar mama

•you are my doppelgänger; be prepared to have sex

you should not message me if

•you are a self-described intellectual, artist, dreamer or free spirit

•you drink your orange juice without pulp

•you comment on youtube videos

•you own a small dog

•you work hard and play hard

•you hunt any kind of animal for sport

•you think you are a sapiosexual

•you are living your life

•you are a hufflepuff. loser.

•you like the big bang theory

•you have kids. no offense, moms, i still think you're sexy (as
long as you're sexy)