30 Glendale, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a Ben Wyatt but I wish I was a Chris Traeger.

I give way too much serious thought to quitting my job and joining the circus.

Spotify's Discover Weekly playlist is the highlight of my week.

I love Stand-Up Comedy. Lemme list some favorites: Kyle Kinane, Patton Oswalt, Maria Bamford, Chris Hardwick, Greg Behrendt, Dave Anthony, Daniel Tosh, Eugene Mirman, Zach Galifianakis, Brian Posehn, David Cross, Louis CK, Doug Benson, Steve Martin, Paul F Tompkins, Henry Rollins (While technically not a Stand-up Comedian, I'm convinced Henry Rollins is the coolest person alive today).

I have the WORST facial recognition ever. I will not recognize my own mother if I see her somewhere out of context. It's awful.

If I had the ability, I would go the rest of my life without talking about politics. I live in anarchy.

Skipping seems to be my most natural mode of transportation.

I just want happiness.
What I’m doing with my life
Well, I used to be a Special Events and Promotions Coordinator at Harrah's Rincon. It was my job to give away ridiculous amounts of cash to people on a weekly basis. It would have been a good job if it wasn't so goddamn stressful. But I quit that shitty, unfulfilling job to pursue Stand-Up Comedy. Not he best idea, but hey, that got me to Los Angeles.

Now I have another grown-up job as a product manager for an educational website. Work stuff is boring to talk about.

Other things I'm doing with my life: boardgames, bottomless mimosas, beginner yoga, thinking about having abs.
I’m really good at
dancing awkwardly when there's no music.

Cooking and baking.

Building Forts

Accidentally stalking people on OKC.
The first things people usually notice about me
My gigantic breasts.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
BOOKS: Animal Farm, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Reefer Madness, Born Standing Up by Steve Martin, Economics in One Easy Lesson, World War Z, Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, I Drink for a Reason, Factotum, I am America (and so can you!), America: The book. Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

MOVIES: Anything by David Fincher, Christopher Nolan, and David Wain, Fight Club, The Room, UHF, Road House, Visioneers, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Wrestler, A Clockwork Orange, I Want Somebody to Eat Cheese With, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, BASEketball, Star Wars Episodes 4-6, Muppet Treasure Island, Serenity, Labyrinth, The Hammer, Lars and the Real Girl, Cloverfield, Pixar Movies, Defending Your Life, Star Trek, The Splendiferous Zeppelin Escapades of Filliam H. Muffman, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra anything with RIFFTRAX commentary.

MUSIC: Far too much music:

- Top 10 favorites at the moment: An Autumn for Crippled Children, Alcest, Childish Gambino, Coheed & Cambria, Daft Punk, David Bowie, Ghost, Queen, The Reigning Monarchs, Rush

- Honorable Mentions: 3, Andrew Bird, Animal Collective, As Tall As Lions, Bad Religion, Bear vs. Shark, The Beatles, Ben Folds, Bloc Party, The Blood Brothers, Cannibal Corpse, Chiodos, Circa Survive, Copeland, Cursive, Dashboard Confessional, Death, Death Cab For Cutie, Death From Above 1979, Denali, Dethklok, DeVotchKa, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Dredg, Dum Dum Girls, Eisley, Eminem, Glassjaw, Gogol Bordello, Hall and Oates, I Set My Friends On Fire, Incubus, Jaguar Love, Justice, Kid Cudi, Killswitch Engage, Lady Gaga, Led Zeppelin, The Mars Volta, Mastodon, mewithoutYou, MGMT, The Monolith Deathcult, MSTRKRFT, Pink Floyd, The Postal Service, The Prize Fighter Inferno, Radiohead, Reel Big Fish, Rilo Kiley, Röyksopp, RX Bandits, The Shins, Silversun Pickups, Slayer, The Sound of Animals Fighting, The Strokes, Suicide Silence, System of a Down, Ted Leo And The Pharmacists, Thursday, Weerd Science

FOOD: I used to be a crazy adventurous eater... Then I used to be a vegan... Now? I mainly eat chicken and broccoli all the time. We'll definitely be able to find common ground, tho.

TV: South Park, Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, Arrested Development, The Daily Show, Colbert Report, Lost, House, Whitest Kids U'Know, Dexter, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, Top Chef, Attack of the Show, Futurama, Firefly ATHF, Mr. Show, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Metalocalypse, The Office, The Mighty Boosh, The Venture Bros, Superjail!, Any show involving Anthony Bourdain
The six things I could never do without
Pajama Pants
Jack in the Box tacos
Jeff Goldblum
Wine/Beer/Scotch (these are interchangeable)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Magic tricks.

What I would do with a near infinite amount of money at my disposal (hookers and blow, mainly).

How to make the language in my head funny to other people.
On a typical Friday night I am
Flexing in front of my bathroom mirror.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I became legitimately angry when I was playing Apples to Apples and my card, Helen Keller, was not chosen for the category of "Senseless."

Fucking Bullshit.

My first crush was Gadget from Rescue Rangers.

OH! How about some irrational fears? I got 2 for you.
1. I'm convinced that my laptop's webcam is constantly broadcasting images of me to remote locations without my consent.
2. I have a fear that random people on the street can hear my thoughts and they know all the horrible judgmental thoughts about them that are going through my head.
You should message me if
If you're awesome too.

or just bored.

or you are Anthony Bourdain and you want to invite me to join you on the next season of No Reservations.

or you are Jon Hamm, because I have a huge, gay crush on you.

You want to collaborate on something amazing.

perhaps I should list my ideal woman here? (don't take this laundry list seriously)

A girl i can get into yelling arguments about star wars with.
A girl that can kick my ass in mario kart, has saved princess zelda multiple times, is a Pokémon Master, has bred a gold chocobo and has killed countless colossi.
A girl that enjoys rifftrax/mystery science theater 3000.
A girl that knows the importance of preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.
A girl that understands that we live in a godless universe full of pain, yet still manages to find the beauty in everything.
A girl that knows that nearly every human action has a selfish motivation behind it, but doesn't see that as an excuse to be self-absorbed.
A girl that doesn't care about kissing before she brushes her teeth in the morning.
A girl that can find humor in every situation.
A girl that would be ready for a cross country road trip at the drop of a hat.
A girl that prefers red to white, but knows how amazing a New Zealand Sav Blanc is
A girl that doesn't take offense in me saying "girl" instead of "woman"
A girl that can hold her own when debating me on how an anarchistic society could actually function.
A girl that knows the correct response to "You fight like a dairy farmer."
A girl that is willing to say "cunt" in mixed company.
A girl that loves good beer.
A girl that looks great in boy shorts.
A girl that can shake her ass to a dirty house beat and head bang to death metal.
A girl that would humor me and and express interest in attempting to play Dungeons & Dragons.
A girl that wants to make love and listen to Death From Above.
A girl that values logical arguments.
A girl that loves to go camping and stare at the stars.
A girl that has a burning desire to see the world.