36 Fairfax, United States
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My self-summary
Most human relationships feel incidental to me — guided by limited expectations from past social groups, alongside our current context and needs, and then painted over with romantic narratives. i prefer to seek the more authentic romance of reality in those handful of connections with old souls who approach love, friendship, and human psychology with thoroughness and introspection. Nothing matters to me nearly so much as compassionate but uncompromising internal honesty.

Things you should probly know right away:
- i'm in Peace Corps right now.
- i'm finishing up my PhD and kinda holding out for my next relationship to be the one where i settle down, but i am still in pretty much no way a grown-up.
- i use words like whatnot and groovy in everyday conversation, sing (badly) to myself, make terrible puns, want to add Oxford commas to signage but have neither the gall nor discipline to follow through, and end up trying to over-protect everyone all the time like Charlie from Charlie and Lola.

Most importantly, i have LLI, which is a neurological trait that makes me really sensitive to sensory experiences, emotion, human behavior, and meaning. All those little rewrites people perpetrate on themselves and others out of defense or desire produce a visceral reaction in me sort of like watching a train wreck and being punched in the stomach at the same time. Please don't write to me if you ever resort to cheap-shots, emotional cliches, or easy self-serving narratives. Essentially, i search for those who aspire to Kohlberg's postconventional morality with a strong sense of existential humility and interpersonal compassion.
What I’m doing with my life
Writing a dissertation about the future of truth and meaning from a perspective integrating existential philosophy with evolutionary psychology — thereby sincerely attempting to save the world through epistemology...

Or, put another way: if most of the problems humanity faces are caused by us (they are), perhaps we need to better understand our own psychologies in order to collectively outsmart ourselves.
I’m really good at
...being wildly, impractically intentional. i strive for a life that is thoroughly investigated and chosen — emotionally, intellectually, introspectively, and intersubjectively. i tend to distrust those who would prefer to be swept away or seduced by people and things (less the oceanic) rather than step back and make conscious, definitive, heartfelt leaps.
The first things people usually notice about me
This is pretty much me, but out of personal necessity rather than objective moralizing. Everything meaningful and experiential tends to saturate me, especially people. Please be thoughtful, open, heartfelt, and authentic. If you strive for carefree optimism, thrive on hopeless pessimism, or just try to avoid being bored, we probably won't get along. i adore joy, laughter, existential humility, and unabashed silly, but there is also so very much inspiration for deeper meaning, investment, passion, profundity, and sorrow.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
(books/plays) My inner monologue lies somewhere between Adams, Hornby, and Dostoevsky, and i can be lured out for most anything Shakespeare, Ibsen, or Stoppard.

(movies) Reality Bites, The Muppets Take Manhattan, Kicking and Screaming (1995), The Fifth Element, Animal Crackers, Inherit the Wind, Before Sunset, Moulin Rouge, A Bug's Life, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, The Last Time I Committed Suicide, Everyone Says I Love You, Bicentennial Man, Brazil, Garden State, Waking Life, To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday, Deconstructing Harry, 12 Monkeys, The Wedding Singer, The Feminine Touch, The Pompatus of Love, Return to Neverland, Josie and the Pussycats, The Tigger Movie, Wall-E, Synecdoche, New York, The Brothers Bloom, The Art of Getting By, and so on in that fashion...

(shows) The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, @Midnight, Charlie Rose, Maddow, The Late Late Show, Doctor Who, Elementary (over) Cupid, Get Smart, House, Monk, Mad About You, Big Love, Invader Zim, Red Dwarf, Firefly, any Star Trek, Lie to Me

(music) The early work of... John Mayer, A Fine Frenzy, Counting Crows, Lisa Loeb, Fiona Apple, Eels, Third Eye Blind, David Gray, Sarah McLachlan, Duncan Sheik, Ben Folds Five, Indigo Girls, Regina Spektor

(food) strawberries, hot chocolate, milkshakes

(other things i like) cloudy skies, the smell of autumn, kind gestures, grand gestures, people who wear glasses, a well-used vocabulary, a poorly-used vernacular, great lyrics, children, the implied infinity between stars, working pencil erasers, singing along
The six things I could never do without
authenticity. love. play. exploration. thought. growth. ...Pandora.

The one thing I would rather never do without
That moment when you share something so uncannily good that it both humbles and beatifies the rest of everything with someone who you know will thoroughly comprehend the impossible significance in a milieu so seemingly prosaic, and they look at you as though you have just given them the entirety of existence in a moment, before you both gradually but quickly forget again.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Galileo Galilei had an unparalleled view of the stars from his telescope and tried to share it with anyone he could. His colleagues refused. In a letter to Johannes Kepler he wrote, "Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?" This is, in general, how i feel about human nature.
On a typical Friday night I am
movie-watching, play-watching, people-watching.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
i am demisexual. i'm innately (and inescapably) attracted to passionate constancy, uncommon integrity, shared trust on the basis of empathetic introspection, and impractical adventures exploring the world from that foundation.
You should message me if have a huge heart & an intensely introspective mind alongside a brave/desperate willingness to invest them in deeply meaningful human relationships.

...or if you can buy me a bookstore in Ann Arbor, Annapolis, Pasadena, Providence, or Cambridge.

***i have a love/hate relationship with the internet as communication, so i very rarely send unsolicited messages. And i generally don't do quickmatch. The most likely way to reach me on here is to say hello.***

And on the off-chance she's still out there somewhere:

The partner i'm looking for is really (perhaps neurotically) good (careful, authentic, reliable, brave, loyal, open-minded), both in her loving, impractically high standards of caregiving, and in a deep, thoughtful, overanalyzing sort of way. She pounces on all moral dilemmas, philosophical problems, and psychological dissonance (in herself and in others) as puzzles to be worked out. She loves to explore - places, experiences, ideas - as though keeping a mental checklist. She can be a bit of a perfectionist, but not in the usual ways. She has a profound, intuitive, humbling awareness of the infinite nature of existence, which leads her to make choices with thoughtful, heartfelt commitment, not from any existential certainty, but because it's our choices that make us who and what we are. She is old in her wisdom and young in her play. She thinks (and loves) to the point of eccentricity. Do you know her?

“Human freedom involves our capacity to pause between the stimulus and response and, in that pause, to choose the one response toward which we wish to throw our weight. The capacity to create ourselves, based upon this freedom, is inseparable from consciousness or self-awareness." — Rollo May

"It is by an extreme capacity for defiance that certain very rare people who have everything to hope and everything to fear from each other will recognize each other." — Andre Breton

"We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love — first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage." — Albert Camus

"Hello, dq, I notice that you refuse to capitalize the word 'I'. Please explain what this choice means to you."
> Douglas Adams once pointed out that human beings tend to superstitiously capitalize things they don't understand.