I'm smooth like sandpaper and have the charm and charisma of a bull falling down a flight of stairs.
I love bad jokes and nerdy puns. I read a story about a woman who found a condom lodged in her appendix. I commented "everybody knows you're supposed to leave condoms in the glossary!" If this made you laugh, we'll have a great date.
Most of my jokes are in The Dennis Miller Ratio where only a select nerd population will laugh. I warped a thigh adductor muscle's name into a pun about grace-period yesterday. You'll need a high pun tolerance around here, haha.
Don't be half-assed. That makes it much harder to sit.
Be careful which therapod you let drive your car because you KNOW Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
I love tri's and du's but I also love a calm night in a bar listening to a band.
I was doing so well until you said "don't be weird".
Old and busted- dtf. New and hot - DTT (down to train?)
Just found the classical music stations on XM. I immediately statused "where've they been Haydn this Liszt from me?" Yeah I'm gonna die alone lol. My music puns are baroque.
i made a groucho marx meme and wrote "become a marxist and double your entendre" yes.. i am this bad.
telling really corny jokes to beautiful women to get a reaction.
Love to cook. I can make my own sushi and do pretty often. still alive so must not have screwed it up too bad right?
Looking for a class on self defence against fresh fruit and a place to register my silly walk.
Sneaky test keywords section: Run, Runner, climb, craft beer, athlete, independent, secure, confident, autonymous(dont misinterpret autonymy for desire to be alone), fearless,
Trying to avoid girls with major-self-esteem issues. It might sound cold but there's a Papa Roach song that nails it. The lyric goes "I can't help you fix yourself". If you have zero drive, zero ambition and zero self esteem, I have zero interest.
on my religion, im an atheist but i blend in with my jewish and christian friends in that i dont talk about it unless asked or faced with some unignorable travesty brought forth by a religious person. I'm also a total animal rights activist. I run a couple news pages to shut down zoos that mistreat animals and have assisted with campaigns to oust executives who abused animals. Yeah, I'm a weird conservative.
I really work to make others laugh if they look uncomfortable. I hate that you can't see my face when I'm communicating online because in the right context(and coupled with an anti-serious facial expression) something silly can work, but in the wrong context it sounds rude or out of place.
human physiology, computer engineering, Linux, math, science.. and COOKING!! I make my sauces from scratch.
Baritone vocal impressions(i do an awesome Thurl Ravenscroft version of 'you're a mean one mr grinch')
Someone just asked me why I didn't mention the vocal impressions or cartoon character voices. I am good at them but most girls think they're corny. My foreign coworker thinks I sound exactly like a couple of my impressions.
Bad puns... Juneau, I was gonna hit on this girl from Alaska but I just wasn't Inuit.
running away from discussions about religion.
fixing ANYTHING. I've always fixed my own cars, do all my own handyman work on the plaster, paint, flooring, electrical, and pretty much everything but the plumbing in my house.
odd as this may seem, I'm a computer guy for a living and never play video games...at all. Can't do the sitting-around thing, unless I'm cuddling with someone special.
Really old American animation.. but conversely, I don't like foreign animation or newer than 1970s animation. Chuck Jones was a genius, so I will occasionally watch a newer cartoon but I dont appreciate them in the same way.
Bones, Robot Chicken, Monty Python (argument clinic, self defence against fresh fruit, i mean come on these are brilliant).
Real Genius, Commando, Terminator 2,
Oh, and I'm a Metallica hipster. If you say you "like" Metallica but like ANYTHING written since 1993, you don't like REAL metal and i will argue this to the mat at any time. I'm also still pissed about them ruining Napster.
I also like really really old movies.. like before 1950-old.
I normally hate covers and remakes. It takes a lot to make me give an ounce of credit to a remake.
Things I cannot stand:
---things I'm playfully not-over:
Ross and Rachel were on a break, jean grey killed professor Xavier and Scott summers... Lol
Why are there so many fake users advertising adult sites on Okc anymore?!
When you're on the dating-site and the woman's profile says "you better say more than "hello" or "how are you doing" in your greeting"... pretty picky for being on a FREE dating site aren't ya?
I refuse to talk to those women.
It's ok if you're a theist but anyone who cites God on their profile, swipe left and don't bother me.
Does anybody else think that silly show "Rick and Morty" is some sort of reward for understanding physics and comedy at the same time?
Why does it seem like an entire generation of people have read nothing but Harry Potter. It's like they can pull ten metaphors about muggles, but have no clue who Ernest Hemingway was. If this is you, don't waste our time. Nothing wrong with Harry Potter, but if it is your only segue into literature, you don't meet my minimums.
It just occurred to me that I walk through the math books section of the bookstore like "read it, have it, have it, used to have it, read it", wouldn't it be nice to date a woman who feels the same way?
oh and I can lip sync every Schwarzenegger line in order from every terminator movie.. it's one of those useless unamusing skills.
I get goosebumps when reading white papers on the computing grid at the large hadron collider at Cern. Yes, I'm that sad of a geek.
I do big triathlons but I hate to swim.(I don't hate to swim anymore but I'm still slow after 100m)
See the word 'your' used where 'you're' would have been appropriate is like kryptonite to me. It makes my brain hurt no matter how much I've drank.
You don't misuse centrifugal when your statement means centripetal.
If you know what an EMIRP number is.
If you're the kind of person who starts (or ends) their day with a mile swim and a 5k run.(not a requirement, just an insight).
If you own your own rock climbing shoes or ski boots or cycling shoes.
If you know all the words to the Ren and Stimpy Log song.
You don't actually think the world was populated by one incestuous family twice, and you dont think that kangaroos with no opposable thumbs hopped all the way from Mt Ararat to Australia leaving no evidence of their diet, their droppings, or their feet behind along the way.
If you wouldn't use the words 'sophomoric' or 'puerile' to describe The Preston and Steve show, there's one maybe two reasons we won't get along, either because you somehow disagree, or you don't know those words. In either case we wouldn't enjoy one another. Just puttin this out there: if you like rodeos, circuses that exploit animals or any other form of animal torture for man's entertainment, swipe left. I don't want to know you.