38Atlanta, United States
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My self-summary
Always herpin', often derpin'. I like playing Scrabble.
What I’m doing with my life
[insert geocities-style 'under construction' animated .GIF]
I’m really good at
The thing I'm absolute best at is coming up with names for hypothetical animal sports movies and skeletal plots for them. I have a list of 300+. (Examples: Slam Duck, Footbull, Billiards Goats Gruff, Boar de France.)

Also, I am good at overusing spreadsheets.

And wedding toasts, cooking and making cocktails.
The first things people usually notice about me
The first things someone would notice about me are my irrepressible bear-like masculinity and rakish good looks, obviously! The second thing would be the sarcasm. Third thing is probably the spastic nervousness, tied with blue eyes that conceal deep inner turmoil. (Or maybe just eye juices.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't read much, but I love most movies, a lot of tv, pop music and literally all food.
Six things I could never do without
1- my elderly, idiotic bassett hound (gertrude, @gorty on Twitter)
2- sodium chloride
3- the beautiful, unbearable romantic desperation of Huey Lewis
4- my family and close friends who put up with me
5- internets, especially Twitter and photos of dogs
6- snarky self-deprecation
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Things I have been thinking about lately: Huey Lewis & the News, funny things I missed the opportunity to say, getting all my various old man health ailments straightened out, and charcuterie.
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I once played Smiths songs over the phone to a girl who had rejected me, while crying. She did not fall in love with me.
You should message me if
You can put words together in a string that more or less makes sense.
The two of us