38Los Angeles, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a New York native who's been here nearly 5 years, though sometimes I still feel fresh off the bus, like in Poison's"Fallen Angel" video.

If you're not familiar with the video, a girl gets off the bus and immediately becomes a Hollywood cliche of fast living. That being said, I'm not currently face down in a pile of cocaine, nor have I ever been. I hope this does not bring a look of chagrin to your face.

Here are some other important things about me:

1. I am fairly busy doing standup comedy most nights of the week, though I'd take a night off for you, girl.

2. I would like to find an El Guapo Sweater so I can be him next halloween.

3. I'm creative and often come up with weirdly inspired ideas, some of which I follow up on...others which I let slowly fade away.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm trying to make a career out of writing and comedy, how it's going is kind of debatable. I persevere.
I’m really good at
Writing funny things. Making you feel special, girl. Other things that don't involve hunting. Tonsil hockey.
The first things people usually notice about me
My curly hair. Sometimes, back in New York, bizarre people on the subway would ask to touch it. I let them for fear if I said no, they would brandish a sharp object and see fit to slice me with it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Galapagos, Mother Night, Catch-22, Live From New York (About SNL), Slaughterhouse Five, Assassination Vacation, A Prayer For Owen Meany, About A Boy, High Fidelity, A Short History of Nearly Everything, Roughing It, Your life story.

Movies: I Heart Huckabees, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Life of Brian, The Professional, Three Amigos, High Fidelity, Team America: World Police

Music: Idlewild, Elvis Costello, Rilo Kiley, Jenny Lewis, Magnetic Fields, Wilco, Elliott Smith, Kathleen Edwards, Silver Jews, The Beach Boys, REM, Outkast, Uncle Tupelo, Aimee Mann, Neko Case, Golden Smog
Six things I could never do without
1. Serpents
2. the shower
3. Bail Bonds
4. whimsy
5. socks
6. macbook
7. It let me put a number 7, I think OK Cupid is broken.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to be more successful.
Getting out of my comfort zone.
Moving/traveling to a foreign land.
How to best OK Cupid in all facets of the dating game.
What the margin of error is on these okcupid, friend/enemy percentages.
On a typical Friday night I am
Performing in or watching a standup show.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I was 8 years old in summer camp, my best friend introduced me to his parents as "the unathletic Evan."

Also, I put my body type as "used up" because I have no idea what that means. Does that mean I've used hard drugs so freely and have been so sexually promiscuous that it's ravaged my body and I'm a shell of a man or does it just mean I had a sports injury once and have a noticeable limp? Regrettably neither of those apply.
You should message me if
...you believe in magic. I can pull rabbits out of hats, but not hats out of rabbits.

...you have the slightest thought that says, "I think I should send this person who I don't know a message...Yeah...I totally should."

...someone dared you and they're staring at you chanting "DO IT! DO IT" You are such a sucker for peer pressure.
The two of us