SassMonsta
26Cincinnati, United States
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SassMonsta
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My self-summary
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, internet. i'm emily. i'm 26 and i am a human (probably). i am a loud, short asshole. i have a laundry list of health problems (mostly related to/resulting from spina bifida and/or hydrocephalus, my two main conditions), but i get around decently enough.

important thing to note: i am a feminist. if you're not down with that, then we can't hang. basically, if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my radical views on race and gender. (please tell me you got that spice girls reference. please.)

another important thing to note: "queer" does not mean "gay". i am attracted to people of all genders. glad we had this talk.

let's see...what else do i need to put in here? i'm a freelance jazz singer, bubble bath enthusiast, wearer of copious amounts of glitter, friend to all animals (except the ones i eat, i guess. oops), comedy nerd, avid dog petter, grade A space cadet, would-be social worker, and probably a bunch of other nouns too. your mom would love me.

i have an 18-year-old cat named hatchet. she is an angel. if you're mean to her, i'll kick you in the butt.

i kind of think the myers-briggs test is a huge sham, but i'm also definitely an ENFP.
What I’m doing with my life
i work in a YMCA daycare center. the kids are really cute. it's an alright job.

i also sing in a choir, go to a lot of shows, and occasionally play some of my own.
I’m really good at
deciphering makeup jargon. (if you need someone to help you find a lipstick that looks great on you, i'm your gal.)

subject-verb agreement.

being mean to predatory men.

photosynthesis.
The first things people usually notice about me
the wheelchair. i also am usually wearing glitter. but let's be real. the wheelchair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
okay. let's do this.

some of my favorite books are catcher in the rye, brave new world, animal farm, the fault in our stars, the bean trees, a separate peace, the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, orlanda (not to be confused with orlando), and dry: a memoir. i'm pretty into short stories, too, like william dean howells' "editha", sophocles' "antigone" (that's actually a play but whatever), vonnegut's "harrison bergeron", and nabokov's "signs and symbols". all good stuff. my favorite thing to read is poetry; i love e.e. cummings, jeanann verlee, hafiz, billy collins, rumi, ogden nash, shel silverstein, and kapka kassabova. i've also become a huge fan of david sedaris' essays and short stories lately.

i'm not a very avid movie-goer, but i absolutely fucking love one flew over the cuckoo's nest, a clockwork orange, the graduate, my neighbor totoro, the fall, american psycho, trainspotting, fantasia, american history x, guardians of the galaxy, mary poppins, paris je t'aime, and an assortment of others. i mostly prefer watching movies alone or with a friend or two in my living room over going to the movie theater.

my favorite tv shows fluctuate depending on what's on, but i love bob's burgers and broad city.

music-wise, i love fleet foxes, the mountain goats, andrew bird, the beatles, neutral milk hotel, david wax museum, grizzly bear, old crow medicine show, simon and/or garfunkel, wanda jackson, laura marling, esperanza spalding, arcade fire, clipse, run the jewels, the beach boys, das racist, clem snide, screamin' jay hawkins, etta james, a decent amount of 60s/70s reggae, a *ton* of old country, various female jazz singers (i think blossom dearie is my current favorite), eagles, chris thile, sufjan stevens, wilco, chet baker...you get the picture.

i'm a pretty picky eater. we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

extra credit time!

some of my favorite musicals are the music man, sound of music, peter pan, mary poppins, south pacific, spring awakening, and my fair lady.

my current favorite opera is fidelio. that is subject to change, as i go to at least one or two operas each season and am very easily swayed by good singing.

some comedians i really like are john mulaney, louis ck, mike birbiglia, maria bamford, chris gethard, kumail nanjiani, bo burnham, demetri martin, aziz ansari, moshe kasher, hari kondabolu, tig notaro, and pete holmes.

my current favorite artists include alphonse mucha, erte, sidney sime, dallas clayton, and marc johns. i know nothing about art.
Six things I could never do without
words
laughter
baths
travel
kindness
glitter
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how strange it is to be anything at all. also, how much it annoys me when people mispronounce "sherbet".
On a typical Friday night I am
listening to hank williams and crying.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
when i took photography in high school, i used to drink from the water filter in the dark room. there's something about being terrible at photography that makes me very thirsty.

i hold my pinkie out whenever i drink. it started as a weird affectation when i was a kid (i thought it made me look more fancy), and now i do it out of sheer habit. i probably look pretentious as fuck.

i have been known to keep a jar of nutella with a spoon in it on my bedside table. you know, in case of emergencies.
You should message me if
-you want to come over and help me with my birthright application while I cry in the fetal position on the floor. (edit: my application is finished now, but i may or may not still be crying in the fetal position on the floor, just, like, in general.)

-you know things about architecture and think that driving around the city and talking about buildings sounds like a good time.
More
The two of us
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Lifestyle
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Ethics
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Other
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Sex
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Dating
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Religion