39 Baltimore, United States
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My self-summary
hey girl

I'm not like the other boys

I'm not a boy

(or a girl)

agender soft butch, attracted primarily to women and femmes. singular-they pronouns, mx.-as-title, somewhat-neutral identifiers (person, cat, beast, creature, babe). it is okay to forget or misspeak sometimes, I do too (about myself).

I identify strongly with hedgehogs, porcupines, Toby Ziegler, Ruby (of Ruby and Sapphire) and other small things with strong outer defenses and a soft cuddly underbelly.

I believe in a strong public sector, that love is a thing that expands the more you use it, and that black lives matter.

I distrust unexamined motives, unregulated markets, and under-seasoned food.

there are other things I identify with, believe in, and distrust, but I'm trying, though obviously not trying very hard, to keep this pithy. see also "the most private thing I’m willing to admit" below. my point is: I am a catch.

keywords: nerdy; queer; enby/non-binary (they/them pronouns please); poly/solo poly/open
What I’m doing with my life
at the age of thirty-eight, I just bought a house in Baltimore and moved away from the Maryland suburbs of Washington, DC, where I grew up. it’s not very far away, relatively speaking, but: I never went to college. I never even went to sleepaway camp. and, making it even weirder for me, I still work in DC, though I’m less and less sure I want to keep that up. so it’s weird and a little scary.

right now I mostly go to work and unpack boxes and make my house the way I want it to be, which has been made more difficult than expected due to the actions of rogue plumbers, recalcitrant contractors, and a leaky roof.
I’m really good at
food (giving, receiving); banter (giving, receiving, watching); ridiculous hats and other headgear (receiving, wearing)
The first things people usually notice about me
unselfconsciously fat, cute, sweaty, and/or food-stained on a good day; self-consciously so on a bad day; way cuter than my already pretty cute photos would indicate every day; bartender/clergyface (i.e. "tell me your life story and/or problems"-face)

(people tell me I have pretty lips and eyelashes)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I remain skeptical of all things regressive and nostalgic, says the creature whose bookshelves resemble those of a teenager with remarkably catholic tastes circa 1994 (whom is me).

books: Iain M. Banks; Jack Vance; Jo Walton; Ursula K. LeGuin; Lois McMaster Bujold; Catherynne M. Valente; Kim Newman; Sofia Samatar; my Goodreads;

comics: Love and Rockets; Usagi Yojimbo; Finder; see above Goodreads link (but also? ask me what I'm reading!);

movies: Better Off Dead; Pump Up The Volume; Bring It On; Captain America (1 & 2); Chungking Express;

shows: Kamen Rider Fourze; Steven Universe (see aforementioned ugly crying); Supergirl;

music: Mogwai, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, & Explosions in the Sky; Tom Waits, Nick Cave, & PJ Harvey; Asobi Seksu, Lush, & Belle and Sebastian; The Mountain Goats, Sharon Van Etten, and Lykke Li; my;

food: Korean; Japanese; Ethiopian; Indian; Chinese; Vietnamese; Thai; Mediterranean; Middle Eastern; I'm experimenting with going vegetarian/vegan with a side of meat, but really I'm joyously omnivorous, and even the things I don't like I try to try a couple few times before I decide whether or not I like it. even if I don't like it in the end, I get a good idea of why people appreciate it. except for aspic. I don't understand aspic, at all.


games: Tokaido; worker placement games; 13th Age; Over the Edge; most Legends of Zelda; Chrono Trigger; Civilization;

podcasts: Selected Shorts; The Moth; Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff; Welcome to Night Vale;

some things I'm gonna judge you for: Ayn Rand; the Big Bang Theory; "everything except rap and country"; non-medical aversion to vegetables; I'm-not-feminist-because-I-believe-in-equality; #gamergate

nb: this obviously isn't everything I'm into, and we don't have to have all of these things in common, or even most of these things. I like what I like, but it's just stuff, it's not the hill I'll die on. I want to learn about new things from you, and I like it when you're open to learning about new things from me. it would probably help if you eat as indiscriminately as I eat and don't automatically count a book out if it's got an elf or a spaceship or a space elf on the cover, or a movie or TV show if it's animated or got subtitles.
The six things I could never do without
late-night Korean;
books with elves, spaceships, or space elves;
dental hygiene;
reliable hydration;
the option of a proper command line;
wet wipes, tbh
I spend a lot of time thinking about
rotary sushi bars and all-you-can-eat Korean bbq and doro wat with injera and really hot curries and half-smokes and jumbo slice and ramen and phô and dim sum and soup dumplings

(but not all at once);

how to live more gently in an increasingly hostile world;

how do I gender (specifically, how do I agender);

games of many kinds (though I don't at all identify as A Gamer);

self-assertion as an act of vulnerability;

vulnerability as an act of self-assertion;

being single & non-monogamous at an age where many of my contemporaries, even non-monogamous contemporaries, have paired off. you wouldn't think "side piece in perpetuity" to look at me, and yet. (not that I'm not eminently qualified for the position.)
On a typical Friday night I am
stalking the elusive chocodile
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have never eaten a chocodile, and now it seems unlikely that I ever will.

I don't know how to celebrate holidays, including my own birthday, so generally I just don't.

I'm often afraid, but I always manage to power through.

on some days -- good days -- my socks and underwear match.

shrooms changed/saved my life once, but only once (the other times were mostly unmemorable).

there is a reference to another website in this profile, and while that website is, itself, highly problematic (to the point where I deleted my account entirely), if you get the reference, it may be indicative of some of my predilections.

my name sans hyphen dot tumblr dot com, the content of which is also indicative of some of my predilictions.

twitter at-symbol my name with an underscore instead of a hyphen, which is my primary interface with the world.

what agender (as opposed to bigender or pangender) means to me (today) is that I'm a little bit of one and a little more of the other and carry trace elements of all but mostly I'm none at all. gender is a performance and I dislike singing for my supper. the traits I value in others and try to develop in myself (e.g. competence, compassion, resilience, vulnerability) don't carry gendered weight, they're just my go-to tools for navigating the world.

I live with and help care for a dear friend (nb: not a romantic or sexual partner) who has chronic pain/fatigue issues and literally no other means of support. she can't work and has to go to a lot of doctors. SSI disability case pending. this doesn't mean I can't go do fun stuff ever, but it does mean I have unavoidable time commitments that take top priority, much like having a disabled romantic partner or disabled adult child. fortunately, these commitments are usually during business hours, but please consider carefully whether or not this is going to be a problem for you.
You should message me if
your schedule is weird but flexible;

your relationship timeline resembles a fractal or, at the very least, the Caves of Chaos or other old-school dungeon map;

same for your relationship hierarchy;

you're in town for a few days and you want to nerd it up over fancy drinks and see where it goes;

your idea of an excellent first (and frequent subsequent) date involves lots of small plates, thrifting, and/or bookstores;

you're broke or frugal and you want to hang out, get some delivery or takeout, watch movies &/or tv, and play tabletop &/or video games;

you believe that existence is naturally unfair and thus have little to no interest in preserving nature or acting naturally in that respect;

you have chocodiles and are willing to share;

you like the idea of being commitment-phobic together;

you want a new favorite side piece;

you want a mix tape.

keywords: nerdy; queer; femme; androgynous; enby/non-binary; solo poly; chocodiles