34Austin, United States
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My self-summary
I am a show junkie and try to go to as many as my wallet will allow. I hate road side memorials with the white cross and plastic flowers, and have put up fake ones on the roads to work to see how long the state will mow around it. I like to spray paint bridges and dams, but i don't just write my name, (milkbone) i try to make pictures, and when I'm lucky they somewhat resemble my intended subject. I enjoy shooting, but the stigma of gun ownership is a drag. I'm a nice guy but I tend to make fun of people in my thoughts. I bleed often and sometimes don't notice it until someone points it out. Sometimes i wish I had a prosthetic limb just so I could remove it in inappropriate situations. My favorite food is cheese. My favorite color is red. My favorite shape is a circle. I will do almost anything that will make me laugh, and i have a smile on my dumb face most of the time. I have thick skin and am impossible to offend. I think feet are gross... yes even yours. oh, I also enjoy long walks on the beach.
What I’m doing with my life
I free-style travel around the country, and work to save money to buy a sailboat... eventually... In my free time I like to ride my bike, play tennis, drink 40's out of paper bags, and floss my teeth because it feels good.
What im no longer doing is telling jokes... nobody ever gets them.
I’m really good at
Judging a book by it's cover, Welding, white people dancing, cooking, fixing anything that's broken, fixing things that aren't broken, staring off into space, coming up with nicknames. giving lost people directions without using my hands, riding a bicycle, waking up on time, sneaking into the movies, urban exploration, useless trivia, navigation, trespassing, training dogs not to shit on the floor (this is an issue with me... if you're not going to take the time to properly train your dog, you shouldn't have one), finding the silver lining, entertaining myself, tennis, hiding things, reading, finding an outlet to plug my phone into on the road, and thinking of something really funny and cracking myself up in awkward public places.
The first things people usually notice about me
I talk loud sometimes... not sure. i also pretend to be invisible sometimes, and have been met with varying degrees of success.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Im retitling this space "mottos"
"Do what makes a better story"
"Well behaved people are soon forgotten"
"Even a dead fish can go with the flow"
"Two wrongs don't make a sandwich"
Six things I could never do without
bike, hammock, sleeping bag, beer, books, and spare parts.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Will this hill never end
Thing that make me laugh
Do fish get thirsty
I should invent a condom that looks like a tuxedo
Why do kangaroos have three vaginas
Winning the lottery even though i never play
What i would do with superpowers
Why am i not on Naked and Afraid
Who took the bomp from the bomp alomp alomp
What would I do with a time machine
How can I get away with this
If girls know they look sexy in a holloween costume why dont they wear them every day?
What i would do if i were king of the world...
1. Outlaw shape ups (the ugliest shoes ever)
2. Build a floating city
3. Let all nonvoilent offenders out of prison
4. Make nonviolent offenders wear shape ups as a punishment
5. Promote positive reenfocement
6. Outlaw whaling (really, what do you want a dead whale for?)
7. Put the bloods and the crips in a room together and not let them leave until they agree to get along.
8. Make street gangs wear shape ups
9. Encourage napping
10. Create a global nation
11. Outlaw the family circus
12. Limit human reproduction by selective breeding (you must be able to read to breed)
13. Make professional athelete a nonpaying volunteer position
14. Manufacture a huge piece of rope and have a transatlantic tug of war
15. Free haircuts for every man woman and child
16. Preserve the rain forest
17. Strip the wealth from the top ten richest people every year to curb capitolism
18. Make the olympics naked again.
19. Make every working persons birthday a paid holliday
20. Build an American Gladiators arena where all major conflicts will be settled.
On a typical Friday night I am
wishing all my friends were single with no kids like the good old days
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
i drink beer in the shower and pick my nose
I can knit and sew
Once i start eating pickled eggs i cant stop (seriously this is a problem and i had to give them up)
I don't enjoy serious poetry, but funny poems are ok
You should message me if
You can say the alphabet backwards
You want to give me a free hair cut
You own a sail boat
You like to play tennis
You like long excursion vacations
You can climb trees without branches
You have cooked too many tacos
You wear a holloween costume every day
You want to join me for a ride

**A brief thought on photography...if your profile pic is a group shot how do i know which one is you? if a baby you are holding in one of your pics does NOT belong to you, make a note on the bottom. all of your pics shouldnt be selfies... really. brides maid pics are scary for their own reason. i dont mean to be critical, but i can tell alot about you not by the way you look, but how you portray yourself in your photos.
The two of us