What im no longer doing is telling jokes... nobody ever gets them.
"Do what makes a better story"
"Well behaved people are soon forgotten"
"Even a dead fish can go with the flow"
"Two wrongs don't make a sandwich"
Thing that make me laugh
Do fish get thirsty
I should invent a condom that looks like a tuxedo
Why do kangaroos have three vaginas
Winning the lottery even though i never play
What i would do with superpowers
Why am i not on Naked and Afraid
Who took the bomp from the bomp alomp alomp
What would I do with a time machine
How can I get away with this
If girls know they look sexy in a holloween costume why dont they wear them every day?
What i would do if i were king of the world...
1. Outlaw shape ups (the ugliest shoes ever)
2. Build a floating city
3. Let all nonvoilent offenders out of prison
4. Make nonviolent offenders wear shape ups as a punishment
5. Promote positive reenfocement
6. Outlaw whaling (really, what do you want a dead whale for?)
7. Put the bloods and the crips in a room together and not let them leave until they agree to get along.
8. Make street gangs wear shape ups
9. Encourage napping
10. Create a global nation
11. Outlaw the family circus
12. Limit human reproduction by selective breeding (you must be able to read to breed)
13. Make professional athelete a nonpaying volunteer position
14. Manufacture a huge piece of rope and have a transatlantic tug of war
15. Free haircuts for every man woman and child
16. Preserve the rain forest
17. Strip the wealth from the top ten richest people every year to curb capitolism
18. Make the olympics naked again.
19. Make every working persons birthday a paid holliday
20. Build an American Gladiators arena where all major conflicts will be settled.
I can knit and sew
Once i start eating pickled eggs i cant stop (seriously this is a problem and i had to give them up)
I don't enjoy serious poetry, but funny poems are ok
You want to give me a free hair cut
You own a sail boat
You like to play tennis
You like long excursion vacations
You can climb trees without branches
You have cooked too many tacos
You wear a holloween costume every day
You want to join me for a ride
**A brief thought on photography...if your profile pic is a group shot how do i know which one is you? if a baby you are holding in one of your pics does NOT belong to you, make a note on the bottom. all of your pics shouldnt be selfies... really. brides maid pics are scary for their own reason. i dont mean to be critical, but i can tell alot about you not by the way you look, but how you portray yourself in your photos.