July 29th, 2016
"You seek a great fortune, and you will find a great fortune, though it will not be the fortune you seek."
-'O'Brother Where Art Thou?"
*hoists white ceramic coffee cup*
What am I?
I'm a beautiful and delicate snowflake, sweetheart
& you're a fucking snatch.
All three of my friends are snatches
Or quasi-delusional, plane-shifting, storm-riding cunts.
And librarians; Gothic librarians.
As for me I work, work, work, until the holes are filled then return home to my wife, her beau (essentially second husband) and our 3 Hounds of Love.
Here, I poke at the carcass of the internet with a stick
where I weep and gnash my teeth with impotent rage
and make some funnies. Ha! I kill myself.
Escaping that, I plant succulents between the stones and hold forth with Hecate in our garden. Excuse me as I go turn on the water.
Rarely do I forget to eat well, drink even more so well.
Weekend is made for brunch. I abuse my waffle iron.
Oh what else,
I rage against the machine, the dying of the light, dance with my neuroses, yaddayaddayadda
Smile like a Norseman.
So many smiles.
Here, have some.
*sips Italian roast coffee*
-They Might Be Giants
I'm fluid in all varieties of redundant, superfluous, neurotic, and ineffective actions and a whole range of their accents. It made me the man I am today. Some people call it artistry, I call it being an over-educated shithead.
*takes bite of curry & swigs marijuana vodka*
Chimpanzees point at me, nudge each other and say, "Dude! That guy masturbates a lot."
I've seen the view from the zenith of Mount Narcissis and beheld the wandering stones in the valley of Self-loathing. So pretty.
And now he's a game show host
Well one minute hilarious comedian
Now he's an undercover cop
Say, Ohhh - let the poor boy drEeeeeam
Ohhh - livin' make-beliEeeeeeve"
I'm excellent at finding my wife's misplaced beer.
I'm marvelous at knowing my limitations as I make them myself.
My ability to Tetris rocks into walls is phenomenal. This summer will be my biggest feat of terracing EVER. My friend has a Rainier view on the side of a hill and I get to transform it into a viable space for recreation and cultivation. Slate? Basalt? Dolomite? Block? the mind reels.
Resurrecting leftovers via puff pastry sheets is my thing. Well, not so much anymore. Cast iron sandwich press in the campfire to repurpose leftovers. Puff pastry can be greasy.
My ability to state the obvious is in such demand that I've exported it.
I wear underwear very well. Except for briefs. I only wear briefs if I have no pants. 'Pants' is a noun and a verb.
My therapy for removing toxins acquired from Facebook discussions is unparalleled; it involves deep-tissue sensual acubeating, weapons grade soul-kissing, and medical hard-fucking (with or without salad bar).
and I'm really good at sucking cock.
My accent which is indicative of the 906.
There is a height to me but am afraid to use it.
is the bulk of my favored listening:
I experienced science-fiction seduction at a masquerade to the thrum of Sisters of Mercy.
A Solstice bonfire at my camp (cabin) was my first exposure to Dead Can Dance.
While slammed silly, slinging plates at Café Minnies I first heard Loreena McKennitt.
One night, while watching whisky disappear, the Pogues were introduced to me.
Live campfire music at Hiawatha Music festival = doubleplusgood
'Misguided Angel' led me to the Cowboy Junkies,
Introducing a lady friend to Concrete Blonde's 'Bloodletting' led to the creation of tiny, clay, coffins.
Johnny Cash's video for 'Hurt', is one of the most powerful pieces of musical architecture I've ever experienced. Trent no longer owns that song.
'Turn the World Around' by Harry Belafonte on 'The Muppet Show'. Listening to it gives me gooseflesh.
While I was nude modeling back in college I first heard these lyrics:
"Wipe him down with gasoline, Till his arms are hard and mean From now on boys this iron boat's your home So heave away boys. Heave Away!"
-'Singapore', Tom Waits
Fools and buffoons who search for themselves and are finally rewarded for their efforts is an attractive theme to me. Hence a holy movie trinity for me is
'Kung Fu Hustle'
Books: A stew of fantasy and science fiction. I still haven't got my Heinlein on. For a geek I'm pretty lightweight.
Write more before you die you bastard!
Joseph Campbell's disections of mythology inspired me to pick up Jung (and I want to like Jung but...) and in being a good little progressive 'The People's History of the United States' is my bible.
After reading a history of the founding of Austrailia I'm powerful keen on discovering more history. Or maybe Austrailia just had a fun history since it was founded by thieves & drunks.
I savor gobbets of raw meat (citrus cured), ocean-scented oysters, and curries of the world.
(Antartican curry is my favorite)
Animation is not kiddie's faire. Sometimes, instead of music I will put on 'Spirited Away' for background flavoring.
"Always keep a sapphire in your mind. Always keep a diamond in your mind."
That stuff I drink.
Undying indifference. Or apathy. I don't care which.
The dogs have not been to the off-leash park in (x) # DAYS.
You can't have 'slaughter' without 'laughter'.
How many turns of a handle could donnie trump's head survive in a vice? How slowly could he die? How delicious would the gradual fracture of his skull be? I NEED TO KNOW.
Or putting the 'croak' in 'karaoke'.
"I'm a fat old man. Wheezing and huffing with a gin in my hand and your pretty little muffin right here next to me" _Crash Test Dummies
Here, I will admit that I cannot behold certain old atlases, maps, and encyclopedias.
Yes, I love astronomy, history, and physics
a giant map of the moon in a planetarium
certain old tomes give me the willies.
*shrugs* Go figure.
you dare eat a peach.
You would take the Bolt Bus to Portland for a weekend at a Victorian house turned hostel and visit microbreweries, Powell Books, Ground Control and points in between.
pi and pie are intriguing.
you would gape in awe at my labeling of sealed leftovers for easy identification in the 'fridge.
BUT If our match percentage is 99% please send me a haiku which summarizes your childhood trauma.
You get these following jokes:
1) Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. "But doctor..." he says "I am Pagliacci."
2) The 'Impatient Cow' knock-knock joke.
3) Zen monk approaches hot dog vendor,
"Make me one with everything'
Vendor hands him a loaded hot dog, "Three dollars."
Monk hands him a five and the vendor begins serving someone else.
"Do you expect change?"
"Yes." says the monk.
"Ah, but change comes from within."