I am unique. My friends like to say special. I'm not sure if they mean that as a compliment since they often snicker and point at a short bus when they say it.
Don't call me "dude".
Lewis Black learned sarcasm from me. He was my prize pupil and thus it was a proud day when the student surpassed the teacher.
Never poke a hurricane in the eye. They only have the one eye and it REALLY pisses them off.
I have been told that I look like a muppet in some of my pictures.
A friend of mine recently mentioned how glad he was to be into his mid/late-30s. He said it was nice to have the sex drive back off just enough to interesting things like learning how to cook. It just so happens that I started learning how to cook in that time frame as well. I am actually pretty good at this cooking thing, but don't worry, my sex drive is still healthy enough to enjoy some quality naked time.
I also brew beer. And I'm good at that too. So I can literally wine (as long as it's barley wine) and dine you all by myself. Some friends are even trying to talk me into starting a brewery with them. So I got that going for me.
I read fantasy novels and watch cartoons. There. I said it. Don't hate.
I take pictures. Artsy ones. I'm good at it. I swear I won't beg to take naked pictures of you, but if you're gonna twist my arm about it then I'll take one for the team.
So you probably noticed the Buddhism in that column over there. I'm not particularly devout (because booze and meat are yummy), but its basic message of balance with yourself and the world around you appeals to me. I don't hate Christianity. In fact, if Christianity is important to you finding balance in the world then I fully support and encourage you to keep on believing.
If it's not Scottish, it's crap!
. . . And while we're on that particular topic: You got any Scotch?
~Two Wild and Crazy Guys, SNL
TV: I used to like the History Channel but then the rednecks took over and I began to worry about my fellow man.
Movies: Ooh! Ooh! I wanna watch another goddamn vampire movie!
Food: Yes please.
~Sam Elliot, The Big Lebowski
Neither is your parrot.
You did not have the salmon mousse.
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that you are to carry Excalibur.
You believe that every sperm is sacred.
You don't like Spam.
You are not a witch.
Your favorite color is blue . . . No! Yellow!
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
If you answered "no" to any of the above statements then it's off to medical experiments for the lot of you.