I once broke into a fairly famous artist's apartment and used his fancy high-tech Japanese toilet. I also drank quite a lot of his whiskey.
I once kissed a gay man who claimed to be a former lover of Francis Bacon whilst wearing a false moustache. The moustache fell off half way through, though, so the jig may have been up.
EDIT: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS WAS THE GUY! I SHIT YOU NOT! http://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/thomas-byrne-sentenced-to-16-years-for-theft-and-fraud-1.1614282
I once developed a physical dependency on caffeine. Had to go cold turkey for a while, but me and coffee are all good again now and no longer pathologically co-dependent.
I once had a job which involved me sewing a large sack, putting on a tyvek suit, climbing into the aforementioned sack, being given a breathing tube, being hoisted up on a forklift, having the sack sprayed with expanding polyurethane foam and then being cut out of the sack. The foam-covered sack became an art. It's in a gallery in Mexico now.
I once brought a snorkel to an orgy. It was only a small orgy, though. Technically the smallest orgy possible.
Now paid by the state to read books 'n' stuff.
Today I bought a bitchin' pair of rollerskates in a second hand shop which I then had a go on in the park. A small child there was also on rollerskates, but doing a far, far better job of it than me. I cannot convey the look of utter contempt and disgust that child gave me.