34Nottingham, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Can't decide whether to leave this profile up and eventually rewrite it, or just ditch it and maybe create a new one later. It's been up for something like ten years now and it's sure not keeping up with who I am.

That said, I guess I got bored enough to prod at it. Behold, a newly-refurbished wall of text! I'm an autistic trans dyke, which has left me with a few other mental health issues as well (most of which won't surprise anyone who's been around others like that). The usual combination of depression, some anxiety-spectrum stuff etc etc.

I've been told by doctors and scientists that I'm incapable of empathy. More than one person has told me I'm the most empathic person they know. It turns out empathy is a complex thing and who you're trying to empathise with matters. Somehow it became this utter shock that people have an easier time empathising with people like themselves and the next thing you know this turns out to be the source of half the arguments on the political left.

So it's possible all that stuff's left me a bit cynical, but don't mistake that for me not giving a shit.

A quick note re who I'm interested in/looking for: I'm capable of some kind of attraction to men, but life's more complex than that and it's probably not a good idea. NB folks welcome regardless of assignment/etc.
What I’m doing with my life
Right now, a lot of recovery. I had a run of seriously messy relationship stuff starting in 2012, the sort that kinda permanently changes some of your outlooks. It didn't exactly do my physical health wonders either, though at least all the people involved are firmly out of my life.

I play games a lot, would like to watch TV with more people. I'm less of a tech geek than I once was, but that's not saying a lot - I'm enough of an internet old fart that I probably spend half my time yelling at The Cloud or something. Just don't blame me if it flares blood and we all have to change our passwords again or something!

When I've got the spare energy, I have a ridiculous little piece of metamathematics-that-gets-called-computer-science I'm still toying with. I even roleplay as a proper researcher once in a while, though sometimes having my slides passed around on twitter is more horrifying than gratifying - I end up wondering how come nobody's written stuff up better yet!

I guess something people need to know this bit:
there's someone I'm kinda aiming to settle down with in the long run, but she's in the wrong country at the moment - we've talked about monogamy and I think that's something I want to do if we ever get to move in together.

I've been on the receiving end of a few too many "relationship broken - add more people" incidents and I guess that's left me a bit insecure about what kinds of relationship I can safely have. But we're not monogamous at the moment. Sorry that kinda sucks for anyone looking for something long-term though.
I’m really good at
This section used to be mostly snark about how my disabilities interact with general geekiness. Not sure I can be bothered with that now.

I've learned more about conflict than I'd like. I'd prefer the peaceful route out, and if you would too we'll get on just fine - but if you didn't spot that might read as a threat, maybe slightly less so.

I seem to be pretty good at helping people remember stuff, start doing stuff, things like that. Might sound like a weird thing to list, but it's a common problem for others like me and I've learned a lot about how to deal with it.

I'd taken down anything about touch and affection for a while, but I guess I kinda am proud of being able to learn people's responses and share genuine moments where the words are only really there as framing and checking everyone's doing well. Without necessarily being a sex thing, touch as care is important to me.
The first things people usually notice about me
My height and my hair (especially if they're not facing me front-on).

I definitely talk a little softer than my writing voice, though the words're pretty much the same? Tone really doesn't carry online, unfortunately.

If I'm having a bad day (or a bad year), that I'm hypervigilant and I'm not looking to run.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Seanan McGuire (often as Mira Grant), the Discworld series, most stuff by Iain M Banks (and I've enjoyed most of what I've read without the M), most of what I've read by Greg Egan. I'm a habitual Stross fan and won a mug off him a while back.


I seem to watch more anime than anything else lately - ranging from Non Non Biyori to *monogatari. Probably not going to rewatch Evangelion any time soon though.

Bojack's excellent, whereas I watch Archer when I just want to be allowed to laugh at all the shitty things for once. I loved the extremely human way the Netflix version of Dirk Gently handles all the messed up going on in it, and it has enough of an (old) Doctor Who feel that I rather liked that aspect as a tribute to Douglas Adams too.


Mostly house and old skool hardcore, though I'll listen to most dance music - despite listing house first, I'm a sucker for a good break. I don't necessarily dislike other genres, but I've never put in the time getting to know what I like.

I'm not a particularly lyrical person though, my audio and language processing's not as fast as I'd like - I tend to be all about the music itself. Or maybe I'm just too incompetent to write something other than instrumentals!


Pizza, pasta, burgers, curry, chocolate. I'm a sucker for a good barbecue sauce. Can be talked into other stuff so long as I'm coping okay at the time though (and if not, just get me a snack beforehand?), so stretching and expanding my culinary horizons makes a good excuse for a date.

Texture can be a weird thing for me though, and sadly a lot of what's commonly considered "good food" doesn't quite work for me because of that.


Yeah, I know, not an official thing but probably useful to some of you! That, and it's one of the main ways I kill the copious amounts of time I have left to dispose of.

I enjoy games of reading and bluff - whether that's board/card/etc games like One Night Werewolf, Liar's Dice and so forth, or the aspect of fighting games like Street Fighter or King of Fighters that's all about getting in your opponent's head.

I probably play more JRPGs than most too, and I'm glad it's getting a little easier for companies that aren't Square Enix to manage a digital release over here.

I use twitch games partly as a coping mechanism - it's not unlike a martial artist's discipline there. Sometimes mindfulness means going off and doing something jaw-dropping that you absolutely mustn't think during!
Six things I could never do without
A good conversation
Sharing the subjective
A net connection
Something to keep my brain occupied!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Dealing with disability and the consequences thereof - both mine and other people's.

The nature of power and how not to abuse it. I guess you could say I have anarchist leanings (quick, call the cops!), but mostly it's about not hurting people (esp. those I care about) and stopping companies and institutions from doing so. That, and giving people agency/not taking it from them.

Old habits die hard, so: better ways to write software, writing better software, getting better software to write itself, better languages to write better software in. Better languages to talk about the languages we want to talk about our software with - and alas, that really isn't a joke.
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably doing much the same as any other night - weekends don't really stick out for me so much except insofar as they do for other people, I guess.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
So this section used to read: 'Not particularly private, but my screen name isn't "GeeksWitch". It could be said that I turn on geeks, but that's not quite the intention either.' I'm less BDSM-focused these days, though the idea of identifying as vanilla or not-kinky feels decidedly wrong.

I guess what I wrote above about touch as care is related to that? I'm more interested in care (which kinda has to involve power) than in power games in their own right - I've been known to communicate "I am looking after you" with a very gentle arm lock for example, though I'm not going to do something like that without asking unless we've got a long-established pattern!

I'm on the asexual spectrum. This doesn't mean I'm not interested in sex, it's about why - I'm very twitchy about being sexualised or fetishised without my consent though. Genuine fun is a good thing, but mostly the entire concept of talking dirty is a mismatch for me, for example. Don't worry, I've got other ways of teasing!

You know how some people snark "did you not get enough attention as a kid?"? Well, I really didn't, though there's more that one way for that to play out.
You should message me if
You feel like it (...)

You don't mind using a messaging system other than this site's one pretty quickly - I don't use the phone app and the web site's only so good. I'm pretty wordy in chat too, but I guess if you finished this profile you probably guessed that!

I guess these days I don't have a good grab-bag of labels to throw out here. The "geek" part of my username's looking pretty antiquated, right? And I don't really feel like dropping bi/poly/kink community overlap in-jokes any more. Don't feel like you have to be a tech nerd or like I'll only be interested in techie passions though!
The two of us