28 Pulaski, United States
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My self-summary
Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Sorry to anyone I have visited recently and not given a nice hello message to. It's a process, and I'm sure I'll get to everyone eventually, when I feel like it.

Hello. My name is give me bj, the name fuckpants was already taken, and I enjoy giving and receiving oral sex, cuddling, and interesting people. I'm a nice guy, I don't take things too seriously, I don't like dating, I don't chase women, nor am I actively trying to solicit any sort of sexual favor from anyone, and everything else doesn't really matter for the purposes of this account. I don't want to date. I'm not looking for love. I'm just looking for a girl in the area who wants to be friendly and might like to play with my genitals or have hers played with while not making a big deal out of it. It's really more of a feel than it is a specific thing or person. I'm not a pig, I'm just honest and open with myself, unlike many people reading this. I think the whole game of dating from a male perspective is kind of sad. In the traditional sense, I'm supposed to trick you dolls into becoming interested enough in me to let your guard down and allow me to have sex with you, but I don't want to do that. I'd rather just treat you like a person, take pussy off the pedestal, and try to accomplish something, or build something meaningful, and then if you felt like taking your guard down, you'd already know nothing would happen unless you wanted it to, the choice is always yours.

Sure is slow round here...

People sure take this shit seriously.

It's amazing how many people will judge a book by it's cover, but I guess that comes with the name... And I'm not even a book. You know, I'm just a semi regular person just like everyone else, except my hair is crazy when it's down. You see that guy in front of you in line at the grocery store, or that guy sitting in the food court eating a sandwich, maybe that guy in the park feeding birds and squirrels? That's me. The only difference is I don't care about any of the stupid shit that doesn't matter, and I'm not afraid to tell you the answers to real questions.

References available upon request.
What I’m doing with my life
All sorts of irrelevant things.

What am I doing with this profile?
Just sitting around, interpreting people's initial reactions, and waiting for someone to either take this seriously and be interested or just be interested in general and have a conversation or something... boredom... I hate waiting.

So far, it would appear that not very many people are open about things of this sort, even when they're anonymous, which all of us are.
I’m really good at
Being patient, because I have no other choice.
Maintaining the state of my phallus, be it up or down.
Being bored
Squat thrusts
Getting ignored
Waiting, unfortunately
Not getting paid any attention
Getting people to put glue on things.
The first things people usually notice about me
My name is Give me BJ. If you ever see me in person you'd notice my hair is awesome; All of it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movie: Deep Throat starring Linda Lovelace from 1972

The Libertine

Music: Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny by the Bloodhound Gang
Yummy Down On This by the Bloodhound Gang

Awesome Fucker by MC Chris

Mustang Ranch by Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears

Glory Hole by Steel Panther
(thanks _kittymermaid)

For their meaning and lyrics. I really couldn't say it better myself.

Stinkfist by Tool

I Only Want You by The Eagles of Death Metal

I Want You So Hard by The Eagles of Death Metal


You'll be sorry by Boots Electric

(If anyone can think of any other songs that specifically talk about oral sex without dancing around it, alike to the lyrics of Buckcherry, feel free to say something)
The six things I could never do without
1. Respiration
2. Food
3. Water
4. Homeostasis
5. Excretion
6. Sleep... I'm kind of iffy about that one.

Technically you can live with only the six above, but life would be rather boring. Also listed on "The List" is sex but people, in general, may only need that as a means to reproduce or something along those lines.

Things I want:
A girl around my age, in my area, who wants to play with my junk and can appreciate that sort of thing, as well as what I have to offer while being respectful and friendly but still maintaining an emotional distance and an open mind, without getting attached, jealous, or overly insecure.

Things I don't want
A one night stand. I want her to be my friend and want to come back and enjoy my company!... I don't usually get that far anyways. Not many people give me a chance :c About 90% of people just ignore me, less than 1% of people that don't ignore me take any of this seriously, and of that 1%, 90+% just like the fantasy of doing anything and don't actually have the fortitude to meet or go through with anything. I get asked this a lot. That's about 1 in 10,000 people I talk to didn't ignore me, take anything on here seriously, and get to a point where we meet and they're actually interested in doing anything sexual... For clarity, I'm not asking anyone to do anything, I would just highly appreciate finding someone who wants to, as I believe is most men's dream.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How do I make my mustache do that..?

Why does OKC say so many people are more sex driven than me? Then again, I'm not really sex driven, I'm just some guy.

Who or what is self?

What would happen if I made a more serious profile?

Does anyone else play Dwarf Fortress?

Where can I find a noncommittal recreational blow job at this hour?

How many people visit my profile on whisper mode?

The many faces people have made at me that I miss.

How it's pretty difficult to get anyone to take you seriously when your name is givemebj. I wonder how I would be received if my name was something vain like hasverylargecock, meloveyoulongtime88, or... bob? Thinking about it, B.O.B, battery operated boyfriend, does also make sense in this context

Care for a haiku?
Because my dick is seven
teen syllables long ;)

Why are so many people afraid of honesty? The only real difference between me and any other guy on here is you won't have to wait three dates to find out I'm honest about my intentions.

Why am I awake right now?
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably not doing much. As entertaining as this is, it's not very effective. Come on ladies! Help me help you... or at least follow through with what you say. Bunch of fibbers. Sooo many fibbers :(

But Givemebj, if there are so many liars online, why do you keep this profile up? Well, as I've said numerous times, I'm not here to try and solicit any sort of sexual favor from anyone. It would be nice and I would appreciate it, but that's not why I'm here. I'm here for my own amusement, and sometimes some very nice people say some very amusing things to me. Also, sometimes people aren't completely full of shit, but those are few and far between.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
There really isn't anything I wouldn't admit. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll. When you're anonymous you can say anything. You can say anything when not anonymous also, but it may come with steeper consequences. I'm not ashamed of anything I've said or done so I have nothing to hide.

I own a big white unmarked van, with candy in it, that I have pimped the inside of out of to some degree. (Note: No prostitution or sexual action has ever or will ever be conducted in my van.)

Apparently OKC says 20+ people like me but I have no idea who, as I refuse to pay to find out, so if one of them is you, feel free to say, Hi. I don't bite, unless you ask me to. Also, this number tends to go up and down. It may have something to do with people deleting their accounts.

I wish masturbating worked for me. :c

If you have received a message from me, it was hand typed by none other than myself. None of that fancy smancy copy pasta business. Apparently some people think I'm fishing. This saddens me. :c Well, what can you do?

I still hate waiting...

They changed OKC's chat function. It still sucks, but now in different ways.

It sucks to be me sometimes.

Also, maybe it's just me but, I've found that most people don't actually want to do anything, even if that thing is not performing fellatio on me, they seem to just like the idea of actually doing something but lack the guts to go through with it... Maybe they only think they want to?

People sure ignore me a lot.

I believe that there are indeed girls like what I'm looking for out there, but none have the confidence or perhaps none would feel safe actually telling me so. This saddens me, too.

I don't know if I'm thirsty, but I could use a drink.

I hate prostitutes, and all that prostitution stands for. Free love people!

There are so many fake people online. People online are really flaky, too. People online rarely follow through with anything they say they will do. People online have sketchy intentions. People online...

I could probably make myself cry if I wanted to. Goodnight sweet prince.

I'm currently looking for a suitable female roommate who's OK with nudity for when I move.

I'm less polite when typing with only one hand.

I have never bought anything from Starbucks, though I have recently broke my Starbucks cherry thanks to my brother. Thanks for the iced coffee, bro.

Always a brides maid, never a bride.

It really sucks to be me sometimes... sigh

Apparently this is a thing. How did I not know this?

I think everyone should have one of these.

Go home, Internets! You're drunk!

Something important: Everything written in this profile may be serious, a joke, or possibly both... It's up to the reader to interpret it, as this profile is purposely ambiguous. Also, though I would really appreciate a blow job, I'm not asking you for one, nor will I try to get you to give me one, or anything else for that matter. I actually haven't offered you anything. I also only want one from you if, and only if, you want to give me one. If I ever ask you something, it's for the informational purposes of trying to get to know you, not trying to get into your pants... I dislike thinking of other humans as objects, but I myself am also human, and sometimes also just feel like fucking the shit out of something, but I will never ask you for it... Everyone feels like that sometimes, right?
You should message me if
-you know what you want. ;)

-you can appreciate giving or receiving oral sex, have an oral fixation, and/or want to play with some weird guy from the internet's dangly bits for whatever reason. ;)

-you weren't offended by anything above. ;)

-you have a use for me and aren't too shy to say so, or are too shy, but manage to say so anyways. Really though, help me help you. ;)

-you can appreciate winky faces. ;)


-you like beards, bad jokes, beef jerky, or have any other comment, suggestion, or questions, or you just want to talk to the guy who wrote all of this, I will probably get back to you in a timely manner.

If you want to chat and are brave, I can also skype with or without cam, just ask, or if you play MC I have a server running people can get on... but don't get mad if I fill your house with TNT.