It's just the premise of this whole thing. I'm trying to find the right angle for this profile. The anti-profile thing that I see a lot doesn't work too well. We're all in this OkCupid predicament together, you know? Let's make it work.
I'm sure most everyone is more interesting in person, anyway.
.ZOMG IM RLY BAD AT THIS. I do not like laughter. I do not like fun. My back is not laid. The flow does not always go with me. If you can handle all this, send some words! Alright...
OH wAIT, I'm left-handed and a Virgo and I was born in a hospital. Fair warning. If you were born if February, don't even THINK about it. I walked into a room full of "people" once, felt bad vibes and shouted to myself "these assholes were born in February!!1" as I scurried to the adjacent room of Late-August-Early-September births. I can't take this anymore.
Also, those of you looking for a TALL man need to get with the program. If I'm shorter than you, you can look over me and pretend I'm not even there! What a treat.
My mom informed me that my name was going to be Gillian, had I been a girl. She said it was because of the X-Files. But I was born before Scully was even a thing. And I would have been known as GILL for short??? GILL!
So she settled on naming me after that brat from Pet Cemetery, even though I was born before THAT too! How about that? My mom's into some futuristic shit, huh?
If you want to hang out, let's do it. I'm moving back to the area and could use some new friends.
I hope you like people because I'm a person! I'm a writer, though my clients would call me a wronger (ew). And yes, collosus is spelled incorrectly...for a reason. I genuinely value creativity and expression.
UPDATE: Ha, I'm going to become a teacher instead! WRITING, for fuck's sake.
I have a podcast now for some reason. Actually, no I don't. What was I thinking? I eat at IHOP. I'm appalled at the ten cent rise in price of the Big Steak Omelet. I was just looking for some stomach inflation, not the real deal. You guys suck.
Somehow I ended up in Southwest Atlanta the other day and the only vehicle on the road was a damn wheelchair! WTF!!!!
UPDATE: I've been there enough now and it's no longer worthy of a "WTF" I actually just mumbled "Oh." the last time. I'm hard as fuck, let's be honest.
UPDATE: I retract that...I went to Hood Mart.
Thwarting convention by adhering to it. Contemplating graduate school as the cold realities of the Bachelor's degree continue to mount. I heard it was useful, but I'm starting to wonder if I should have dropped out of high school and received a head start. I'm slightly kidding.
I like to write things and be creative. Sometimes, I even get paid for it. I'm on a quest to make this whole MONEY fiasco and creative outlet thing work out. It's a conundrum, but it's all about the experience in the end, I suppose. Not like our money has any real value (FIAT CURRENCY PRINTED OUT OF THIN AIR LOLFEDERALRESERVE)
OMG FRIENDS! WRITING DOESN'T PAY! WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Seriously are there no more cubicles left in this fucking town?
Has everyone been cubicled? Is Atlanta merely a giant office building with a little graffiti on the side to add some "culture"? Stay tuned. Find out. Dateline investigates. And asks the questions no one else will. Because only Dateline is dumb enough to ask these stupid ass questions.
What's that one local news channel that purports to ask the "tough" questions? Like, why some shitty tree hasn't been chopped down? And why some lunkhead hasn't mowed his lawn this week? Keep it local!
I'm also a hatchet man of the New World Order. For what that's worth.
I also record myself making noise and then give them song titles. Can I be a musician now?
UPDATE: I apparently CANNOT be a musician now. People, I tried to record a song today and let me tell you...my trusty COMPAQ computer microphone finally petered out. It was probably listening to what it was recording and said "fuck you, pal. I'm out!"
So, now what?
I'm good at drinking bad coffee
Avoiding sleep. I have a love/hate thing with sleep.
These two attributes seem to be intertwined, as I occasionally find myself in bed for 2 or 3 hours unable to fall asleep. Could the culprit be the pot of coffee I made at 11 PM? No way!
Apparently, my voice is soothing enough to narrate audiobooks.
I feel like I'm good at stringing words together.
Oh wait. I was on MARTA the other day and I swear every passenger KNEW I had an OKCupid profile! It was crazy. I was sitting there denying it. "I'm not GOOFCOLLOSUS!" I pleaded.
One fool with a hat asked "What ARE you doing with your life, goofcollosus??? If that is your REAL NAME!"
"Microwaving! I swear, hatted fool." I need to saunter around with fucking tinfoil on my head. LOL
Hell, I just CTRL+F'ed and searched for Catcher in the Rye! Phew. Thank GOD!
And BTW, I skimmed this and even surprised myself. I like Elvis Costello enough to list him? He's got like two albums I like! This is sickening. This profile needs to go.
Books: I prefer historical nonfiction. I like reading about corrupt politicians and enigmatic, flawed figures. Lolita, David Icke, how-to manuals, AP style books, anything that offers the closest representation of true events. All The President's Men, The Sound and the Fury. anything involving conspiracy theories, textbooks, really anything that at least aims at truth. But of course fiction is fun also. Lately, I'm more into lectures on space and conspiracies. (DID U KNOW THERE ARE REPTILIANS IN THE F'N WHITE HOUSE???)
Shows: Breaking Bad, Mr. Show, horrid reality shows, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, The Wonder Years, Arrested Development
Music: R.E.M., Guided By Voices, Boards of Canada, Smashing Pumpkins, Pavement, Neil Young, Prince, Outkast, The Lemonheads, Screeching Weasel, Slayer, Sunny Day Real Estate, Joanna Newsom, Radio Dept. Sparks, Velvet Underground, Carcass, Elvis Costello, Baby Bird, Sun Kil Moon, Red House Painters...I could never come up with a satisfactory list for this.
Movies: Annie Hall, Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Eraserhead, Mullholland Dr., Magnolia, Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski...an assortment of documentaries OH also these..Persona, King of Comedy, Fargo, other things that are good that you don't care about, most likely.
Not only do I like all these things, I also find enough time to eat. When I'm not stuffing my face, I usually am caught indulging in the above. I seriously just drink coffee and imagine eating a full course meal. I mean, with these paychecks...you know? I try to eat sushi and other things that are mildly fancy.
I also watch my sports teams a lot. They are terrible, though. So I don't really know why.
3. Dinosaur Jr.
4. Things that make me laugh and think
5. A creative outlet
6. Annnnd...oh fuck it. Barack Obama! You caught me!
Are these questions designed to make you give up on the profile before completion? Jesus. Are people sitting in a dark room betting on when a particular user says 'fuck this'? "I got 10 to 1 odds goofcollosus bails on this shit at "My Self Summary." Well, I proved that person wrong. It was actually when I determined Obamy was in my top six.
And I'm surrounded by Obamacare ads on this site. I told you guys that dude is a must have.
Simulation theory, the economy, the government and its role in the lives of citizens, the moon, how to have a positive impact on the lives of people I interact with no matter how small the impact might be, stripping away ego to find truth, black holes, deja vu, parallel universes, the feeling that great art can give and where it comes from. Also, other things that aren't dumb like why I haven't had IHOP lately or why the Atlanta Falcons like to hurt my feelings.
Recently, a friend and I pondered why no one has rapped over the Goosebumps TV show theme. I almost want to do it myself.
Lately, I've been indulging in trivia nights where I get overly emotional after missing questions about The Beatles, apparently.
(I don't even like the Beatles that much! "Yellow Submarine"! WTFFFF????)
I'm pretty good at coming up with trivia team names that will either greatly embarrass the trivia host or get my team thrown out of the establishment.
My friends and I also want to try karaoke and see which one of us can clear the room the fastest. My Billy Corgan impression should do the trick.
Come on! Like YOU have never felt like a rat in a cage??? jesus
Or wait. Maybe that I'm actually NOT embarrassed to be on this site! I mean it hasn't ruined my life yet? I haven't a clue what the deal is here.
HOW BOUT THAT FERRIS WHEEL? MORE LYKE EMBARRASS WHEEL BECAUSE IT'S F'N EMBARRASSING!)!)!(#( or something? Atlanta is goofy.
If you want to engage in an hour long staring contest and call it a date. (UPDATE: I received a message asking if I was interested in this and I kid you not, my reaction was "LOL WHO THE FUCK WOULD BE INTO THAT???" and then I actually read my profile. This thing needs to gooooooo.)
If you want to be pals.
If you want to go to a show.
If you want to just sit around and do nothing.
I need a walking friend. All you drivers will soon learn the benefits of walking paths.
Lately the messages I've gotten have been a bit on the "subtle" side. That "Hey" angle is so mysterious!!!! Oh, you! But yeah, pretty much if you give me something to respond to, I'm really into that.