Am Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and the barman says... or rather, is ABOUT to say when he is rudely interrupted by, you guessed it, the Englishman, the worst type of Englishman, a Londoner, [boo hiss go the audience].
'I know this one' He declares, 'why the long face?'.
'No, that's not it!'.
'Sit down you thick fuck'.
From the other two. And we shall leave them arguing for a bit and focus on the main, and often disregarded character in these stories, the bar man himself.
So, what kind of man is he? Well firstly, though he enjoys being a barman it is by no means his dream fulfilled. He, like many of his profession, finished uni and continued in the same job. He recently moved to Edinburgh to begin following his childhood dream of being a writer (critics should move that this profile is being composed on a mobile phone and so should make allowances for structure, grammar etc, at least until suitably edited). He is a loving, caring man, he believes in giving the homeless man a couple of quid even if he knows for a fact it will be spent on special brew, he doesn't judge. He abhorrs injustice and cruelty. He is loyal, very open-minded, is very aware and loves that the world is made up of many different people. All in all, he's just the kind of man that everyone should have as a friend, but then I am biased, you've probably guessed why.
So, back to the joke.
'What's this?' Says the barman, pointing.
The Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman stop arguing just long enough to see what the barman is pointing at. They stop, and stare aghast at what was transpiring before them.
'I don't fucking believe it' they say in unison. 'It's a...
And there the story ends, message me if you'd like to hear what they say next.
I'm also good at understanding people, empathy. I have an ability to at least try to put myself in someone elses position, no matter how uncomfortable that can be. I hope this is what will help me succeed as a writer.
Books: Catcher in the Rye, Catch 22, Brave New World, 1984, The Trial, Narcissus and Goldmund, The Glass Bead Game, The stories of H.P. Lovecraft, Louis de Bernieres' early South American novels, 100 years of Solitude, Hitchikers (and Dirk Gently, love Douglas Addams), Terry Pratchett, Neill Gaiman (Neverwhere needs both a sequel and movie, though I love the BBC series), To Kill a Mockingbird (sublime), and many many more.
Films: Dr Strangelove, Alien, Aliens, Amelie, Happy Gilmore, Moulin Rouge, Life of Brian (utter utter genius), One Flew over th Cuckoos Nest, The Prestige, No Country for Old Men, Gattaca, Logan's Run (Jenny Agitter oh my God, I don't re4ally do celebrity crushes but as a teenage boy, she did funny things to me), Dark City etc etc.
Music: The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, The Kinks, Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan, Radiohead, Muse, Tori Amos (I know, ok), Marillion, Queens of the Stone Age, Jefferson Airplane, Neil Young, Nirvana, Moloko and so on.
The great outdoors.
Also if you just like to meet people that don't just come out of a mold, that have their own skewed view of life, even if you don't agree with it.
You should also message me if you just feel like it.