31Chicago, United States
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My self-summary
I am a fantastic son of a bitch. People like me!

I am a spastically funny oil painter. I'm barrel-chested and boisterous, but also dry and analytical. Extremely forthright, honest to a fault. Salt and pepper hair. I've been told by many that I possess "retard strength" (their words not mine, although if you are offended by the "r-word", we probably won't get along).

I don't play videogames.

I will listen to what you say, and remember it!

I'm intense, because I possess emotions. I'm not interested in being cool or chill.

I give solid hugs and firm handshakes.

I'm sometimes overwhelmed by my hatred of white people.

My best friend Ebenezer is a lab/pit/boxer/hound. We're a package deal.

Oh, and I'm looking for a relationship. I've never understood "the thrill of the hunt." I want a best friend that I can't stop fucking. Little spoons apply here.

For my 30th birthday I want to be roasted by all my friends.
What I’m doing with my life
Oil painting. Sometimes acrylic if I procrastinate long enough. I recently got a couple jobs doing some graphic design. I'm completely self-taught. Learning on the fly, autodidact uninformed. Check out my stuff if you like...

I also work at a couple bars to make that cold, hard cash.

I wish I didn't enjoy doing nothing so much.
I’m really good at
Creating, conversing, cooking, making people laugh, making myself laugh, judging. I also make my own BBQ sauce to which all my friends are addicted.

Headbanging to odd time signatures.

I do karaoke impressions of Michael McDonald. And Meatloaf. And Aaron Neville.

Sentence fragments.
The first things people usually notice about me
My laugh. The volume of my voice. My overt gesticulation. My stocky stature.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Bukowski, Steinbeck, Ray Bradbury, HST, Christopher Hitchens. Anatomy books. Philosophy. Is the internet a book?

P.T. Anderson, Stanley Kubrick, Coen Bros, Tarantino, Terence Malick, Martin Scorcese, Charlie Kaufman, Michel Gondry, David Fincher. Documentaries. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is my favorite movie.

Conan, Deadwood, Louie, VEEP, Jools Holland, NBA basketball, SCIENCE channel, The Last Man on Earth, Vice on HBO.

Queens of the Stone Age, Pink Floyd, Tame Impala, Radiohead, Grizzly Bear, King Crimson, Talking Heads, NIN. Post Rock - Tortoise, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Pelican, Russian Circles, Do Make Say Think, El Ten Eleven, Holy Fuck, Battles. Classic rock; even if I don't like the song, I still might sing along sarcastically in a lovely falsetto or rich, sultry baritone. I'm a drummer; I like a tight rhythm section. Gimme some Bill Withers or Led Zep on a summer day. Music keeps my nostalgia healthy.

There are few foods I won't eat. I love to cook, especially for others. I love trying new things. My favorites are usually simple foods done extraordinarily.
Six things I could never do without
Music, food, comedy, oil paint/brushes, my dog, my imagination.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Explaining modern conveniences to a time-displaced Benjamin Franklin. What my paintings will look like when I'm 50. What I'm gonna do next.

Phrases I dislike, such as "It is what it is" and
"Get over yourself".
On a typical Friday night I am
Furiously eating fried chicken in the dark.

Probably working. If I'm off, and you insist we go out for a drink, I'd like the destination to be a dusty dive with old men mumbling to themselves and bags of Fritos for sale. Oh, and a sweet jukebox.

Maybe I'd be painting. I only work at night really.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't give a fuck about your alma mater.
You should message me if
You're kind and thoughtful. You love art. You know a lot of words. You like to laugh and have quality conversations. You're nocturnal. You appreciate a constant, good-natured ridicule.

You sometimes utter sentences and then immediately realize that it's highly likely no one in linguistic history has ever put those words in that order.

You don't define yourself by your happenstance geographical location. "I'm just a Dakota girl..." BORING.

You don't worship the almighty dollar. You are a woman, not a girl. You aren't vacuous and annoying with a shrill voice. You have the time to get to know me.

You like breakfast in bed.
The two of us