29 Wilmington, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
What I’m doing with my life
Living it to the fullest!
I’m really good at
Jumping out of cakes!
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not really sure but you can let me know what you notice first so then I'll know :)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Basically anything that catches my interest, I am pretty random.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Opening a brewpub.
On a typical Friday night I am
Please stop with the personal lap dance requests. I only do Batchelorette party's, birthdays (the one where I jump out of the cake with nothing but a banana hammock on), female only office parties, Avon parties, Halloween parties, Christmas parties, Tupperware parties, tea parties, and female sex toy parties.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Just ask!
You should message me if
Do not message me if you are a stripper, bartender, waitress, aspiring actress, Scorpio, or if you have never works.