hilorain
28 Odin, United States
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hilorain
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My self-summary
This profile refers to how I behave and think when I'm not at work and on my own time. If you recognize me from my work setting, I kindly ask that you respect my privacy and stop reading. Thank you. <3

Will be visiting Chicago for lgbt conference soon ... So if you're from Chicago and you like what you see here, please send a message!

Some of the match "questions" I answered years ago so try not to assume that the answer is set in stone. I don't have time to go back and reanswer 1000+ questions. I already spent a lotta time writing up things here that many people won't read, but I figure the best matches will take the time to. Sometimes I'm quiet, but when I'm not, I have a hell of a lot to say. I am a good listener and value reciprocity.

Sometimes androgynous. Sometimes femme. Recently went veg. I like zines, punk shows, sleeping, and tea houses. Night owl. Young professional, but not a yuppie. My friends love me and endearingly make fun of me for my unapologetic feminism and love of 90s music.

I <3 transwomen. I <3 inclusivity. Intersectionality too, but I realize that saying that can sound like the insincere spouting of a wonderful concept turned buzzword.

Not quite an introvert or extrovert.... It's a balance/ 50-50. Healer type, advocate, over analytical, imaginative, a sense of humor that never ceases to surprise. I moved to a rural university environment from the cities I used to live in because I'd rather be happy than cool. And I'm happier when there's no traffic, a lower cost of living, a sense of community, lots of nature, you get the drift. But it limits my options for people to date as a queer woman. And I do miss being near a thriving arts scene. I could spend all day in art galleries.

I'm pretty patient with those I care about. When I feel extroverted, it's because I'm getting energy from being around people I enjoy who are respectful to me and their environments.

Given the right context- Ie I'm not getting sexually harassed, I can be very laid back and open minded. People tell me they feel like they can tell me almost anything and feel safe doing so.

Still, I wonder if I should simply pick my nose at the next man who harasses me given the right context. I refuse to deal with it passively or quietly. I find no personal shame in desexualizing and humanizing myself when all I want so desperately is to be able to be in the in the community and still be treated respectfully without having to have a male escorting me every where I go. I am tired of being forced to go through this pain.

If I could, I'd tell all the hundreds of men that have harassed or otherwise attempted to make me feel small: Truly, it is not my problem if you have no self control when you feel threatened by a powerful and beautiful presence but are so out of touch with your feelings that you don't even realize this. Women's power and beauty are not here FOR you. These qualities just happen to be existing in the vicinity of you by some happy (or in her case, not so happy) accident. Yet Someone taught you to destroy anything or tear down anyone you find beautiful who cannot be yours to possess, taught you to force your "compliments" or your whatever you can down her throat, because it's only your reality that matters to you. Unlearn this. Stop poisoning lives because you are insecure. Don't tell us to smile and then try to justify your sexual attacks on us if we do. Don't expect us to be fleshy mannequins specially placed to entertain you in the Truman show of your unexamined life.

In conclusion, *snape pause.. You know the one* I will delete any message you send that is idiotic without a second thought. :)

If it seems like I think a lot about this shit, it's because I have no choice. It is my reality almost daily, weekly if I'm lucky.

If you want to send me a message trying to silence me by saying that I "shouldn't" be expressing feelings like this on here, or saying that I'm wasting my time, my response other than to delete the message is to ask you to read this book, even though you probably won't:

http://www.amazon.com/Men-Explain-Things-Updated-Edition/dp/1608464962

Because the fact is that by being as authentic and true to myself as possible, I attract people to my life who can relate and will be supportive. So many of us have been traumatized and there are ample opportunities for healing when you have the right people in your life. The people who will send rude messages will make themselves known quickly and will get weeded out just as quickly. That is the exact opposite of wasting my time, and it has brought me much joy both in real life and on Internet forums.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to break old habits and learn new skills

Starting a new job

Planning a grand adventure

going to a lot of basement shows

Not putting up with bullshit

Not settling

Having fun
I’m really good at
Talking openly about topics like menstruation without shame
Pooping
Meowing
Typing extraordinarily fast
My job
Helping my friends write essays about the evils of transphobia
Driving
Planning things
Taking good pictures
Going public places, including out to eat, alone (and also with people :P)
Traveling
The first things people usually notice about me
During warm weather, I think my hairy armpits and legs turn some heads. (and that statement is not an invitation to message me about how sexy you think my armpits are. Immediate deletion :)

Cold weather? White, skinny, usually no make up, RBF.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Mah Favrit Berks: Oryx and Crake, 100 years of solitude

Movies: Everything is Illuminated, Brick, Wayne's World

Shitbox: Game of Thrones only. (okay, and Firefly).

Music: Deftones, Hanson (yes, for real!) , Beirut, Imogen Heap, Regina Spektor, The Honey Trees, Incubus, M83, Tori Amos, Birthday Massacre, abandoned pools, smashing pumpkins, filter

NOMS: basil and cilantro. teeeaaaa. copious amts of garlic

Other: Andrea Gibson.
The six things I could never do without
Slingshot planner
Inky pens
A bed
Leggings as pants. Fuck your judgmentssss (and ew if you are some skeezy guy thinking of messaging me about that. Go away)
Tea
My voice
... I guess I could technically do without these things, but I wouldn't want to.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to manage my anxiety regarding pending/existing social and environmental disasters that some politicians, corporations and accompanying lobbyists merely find inconvenient to profit-making, how to appropriately respond to sexual and street harassment without getting myself shot or arrested, how to be aware of my own privileges, food.
On a typical Friday night I am
usually sober but often still dancing more crazily than the drunkest person at the show or bar.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've lived in 6 different US states.

I'm glad I tried New York City but I'm not sure I'd do it again. Never say never, though.

I think the purpose of life is striving for balance.
You should message me if
-you can think of something to say other than "hi how are u"

-you're not sleazy and misogynistic (example: I received a message from "gon2fly" who said he thought it was funny that I hated men but still posted "beautiful sexxy photos" for them to look at. His misogyny blinded him to the fact that 1. Standing up for myself and women/ non binary conforming people is not the same as hating men. I intervene when men openly hate / disrespect them, and that is totally justified. 2. I don't write on here anywhere that I'm looking for men, so no, these photos are not here for men. But I still allow straight men to see my profile because I've gotten some kind and supportive messages from straight men and I'm not going to let some assholes close me off to that 3. He told me that I just needed to accept the "reality" of evolution and that's how men are. Really? Then why have I met so many decent men that don't talk like this guy?) Don't be like him, please. I'll just delete the message and have spent more of my short time on earth being talked down to again. Fuck that.

-you want to move to New Zealand some day, or perhaps Spain or the Netherlands

-you dont think reverse racism exists. Because it doesn't.
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