30Irvine, United States
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My self-summary
Note: I'm in a serious relationship, but I'm always thrilled to
meet potential friends or pen pals. If you have something you'd
like to talk about or you're just bored and errant, I'm all ears
and babbles.

If you want to get in touch with me, please write something more than, "Hi! Wanna be pen pals?" Just at least say why you're writing.

Are you sure you have time to read this? I won't blame you
if you get burnt out. Hey, relax, take a break in the middle,
get a sandwhich or something:

I keep beautiful things in a cigar box.... I'm obsessed with
Modernist literature and some postmodernist (Nabokov!), but am not
as well read as I'd like to be.... I'm an etymology junky...I take
school almost too seriously...I've backpacked through Europe....
I'm always anxious and tense because I care so much about
everything, even stupid little things and while I wouldn't change
this at all, it can get exhausting crying over clothespins....I
love movies where things dissolve in light and emotion is palpable
but not overt.... Once, when I was little, I went through a phase
where I made everything out of paper- shoes, food, a
television....'Love is a battlefield' and I am a damn good
soldier...I'm a complete romantic in the insane, smoldering, epic,
aching sense, not the Hallmark card sense. There's nothing vanilla
about love.

I look for transformative moments hiding inside mundane ones,
like those captured in Edward Hopper paintings. Reality isn't
boring, you just have to see past the surface. I try to let every
little thing become so unbelievably sensual that it overwhelms me:
the way paper feels against my finger tips and how often I confuse
it with skin, the color of fruit, how beautiful rust is on metal,
the way my mint lip balm burns my mouth. I think life is probably
overwhelming, we just don't let ourselves really feel it.

I am nostalgic about tragedy, because it's real. I remember the
most painful days of my life with so much reverence....the colors,
sensations, smells, words from those days are still so vivid, and
I'm grateful for that. Pain is a tool I use to carve myself into
something beautiful. I'm also feeling completely jaded and
sarcastic these days. Sometimes when everything is so bittersweet
and meaningful, it hits a breaking point and becomes absurd. And
then everything is deeply and profoundly funny, and I don't know
why. Its like life is this beautiful tragedy and its so random and
cruel that it's also the best kind comedy. And then it's stupid.
And then it hurts. And then it's beautiful again.

Good grammar is hot, but snobbishness isn't. Language is fluid, and
sometimes I feel like being bad and ending a sentence with a
preposition or misspelling things. Go ahead and try to stop

If I don't get my hands totally smeared in ink, it's not a good
day. I'm a writer, and my writing is very important to me.
I also like to do many other kinds of arts and crafts, I guess
I just like making things… beautiful things, weird things, useful
things, etc.

Also, see my blog at: http://beingvsnonbeing.blogspot.com/. I
hardly ever write in it, but I mean to...

I am something, pretentious, and deep
What I’m doing with my life
MFA in creative writing, teaching composition.
I’m really good at
Writing, words, memorization, taking shots without flinching, cutting hair, piercing ears, french braiding, sewing, long distance running, making collages, painting and drawing, acting, being spontaneous, thinking about one thing for a long period of time, memorization, cooking almost anything, making waffle cones (I did this as a job for a while), thinking up metaphors, interpreting dreams, reading tarot cards, charades, knitting, making people that I'm comfortable with laugh, being weird and misunderstood (is this a skill?), "breathing through the pain," being there for people during really intense emotional moments, walking into a grocery store i have never been to before, possibly in a foreign country, and finding everything I need in less than two minutes (I don't know why this happens...)
The first things people usually notice about me
The thing is, I think I come off pretty shy or reserved or snobby when people first meet me, because I don't know what to say. As people get to know me really well, I open up A LOT. So I think the first time they meet me, they think I'm that girl who doesn't talk to anyone. Then, say, the tenth time they meet me, they think I'm crazy intense. I really have a dual nature when it comes to a lot of things: painfully shy and impulsive, depressed and ecstatic, cynical and idealistic, you get the idea...But the thing is, if some total stranger opens up to me right away, I am more than willing to listen and reciprocate. My shyness at the beginning is only the result of my not being able to read people. In terms of intimacy, I really have only an on/off switch, not so much degrees, and I like that about myself. I don't want to hold back my thoughts and feelings with people who are at all worth my time.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Ada or Ardor, Lolita, Adam Bede, The History of Tom Jones, Middlemarch, Anna Karenina, War and Peace, Daniel Deronda, Pnin, Vanity Fair, Silas Marner, This Side of Paradise, Sense and Sensibility, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Franny and Zooey, Wasteland, Ulysses, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Doctor Faustus, Last Evenings on Earth, The EyeThe Beautiful and Damned, Blankets, Mary Barton, The Catcher in the Rye, The Sound and the Fury, Madame Bovary, The Corrections, Gravity's Rainbow, The Crying of Lot 49, Persuasion, Dave Barry, Dubliners, Echo, Emma, Calvin and Hobbes, Jude the Obscure, Ghost World, The Great Gatsby, Gulliver's Travels, Hamlet, Mayor of Casterbridge, Ignorance, The Joke, Laughter in the Dark, Tess of the d'Urbervilles, Les Miserables, Love in the Time of Cholera, Memories of My Melancholy Whores, Mrs Dalloway, Pat the Bunny, The Painted Bird, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Movies: Almost Famous, Amelie, American Beauty, Atonement, A Very Long Engagement, Before Sunrise, Blue Velvet, Boys Don't Cry, Breakfast At Tiffany's, But I'm A Cheerleader, Chasing Amy, Citizen Cane, Elephant, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fight Club, Foxfire, The Graduate, Great Expectations, Harold and Maude, Kill Bill, Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive, Mysterious Skin, Nowhere, Office Space, Pulp Fiction, The Royal Tennenbaums, The Squid and the Whale, Synecdoche New York, Trust, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Waking Life and others...

I only like TV shows selectively: Six Feet Under--obsessed with this one. If you want a topic that's guarenteed to get me going, ask me about this. Also The Simpsons)

Music:Ani Difranco, Animal Collective, Aphex Twin, Arcade Fire, Band Of Horses, The Beatles, Beirut, Benny Goodman, Bjork, The Blow, Bright Eyes, Broken Social Scene, Johnny Cash, Charles Mingus, Coldplay, The Cookies, The Cranberries, The Crystals, The Cure, Daft Punk, Death Cab For Cutie, The Desaparecidos, Dntel, Edith Piaf, Elliott Smith, Freezepop, Heart, Iron and Wine, Joanna Newsom, Robert Johnson, Daniel Johnston, Lovage, The Microphones, Modest Mouse, Mum, Neutral Milk Hotel, Nico, The Pixies, The Postal Service, Radiohead, The Ramones, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Regina Spektor, The Shangri-Las, The Shins, Sia, Sigur Ros, Simon and Garfunkel, Smashing Pumpkins, Spoon, Stevie Nicks, The Strokes, T-Rex, Uh Huh Her, The Velvet Underground, Wolf Parade, Yann Tiersen, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I'm starting to get into vinyl.

Food: Fresh food with decent ingredients. I'm sort of nuts about Trader Joe's at the moment. I love to cook. I'm mostly into health food, Indian, Thia, Italian. Specifically: Big salads with things like avocado pear and goat cheese, carrot juice smoothies, brown rice and tofu, avocado and sprout sandwhiches, curry, tika masala, paneer, samosas, masala chai, pad thai, drunk noodles, asian noodles of almost any kind for that matter, tom kha soup, coconut curries, bruschetta, pesto pasta, ceasar salad, tiramisu....I'm a vegetarian, which recently made a boy so upset he wanted to throw something (don't ask me why), but I sort of think eating animals is like eating children. Message me if you think I'm a loser for feeling this way, and I'll probably laugh about it....I'm idealistic, but I can't take myself seriously much of the time.
Six things I could never do without

Writing (my own and that of others)

The ocean

The beauty of sadness

Ecstatic moments

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Oh god. Oh GOD, this could take a while:

Colors.Shapes.Food.Etymology.Phonetics.Latin.Someone who broke my heart.Fear.Apathy.Ambiguity.The link between abstracts and concretes and describing one in terms of the other.The stupidity of unwillingness to feel all the way, even if it's uncomfortable or scary.MyInsecurities.Kinesthetics.Secrets.Broken houses by the beach.How I would raise my children.The problems with value judgments.Disasters.Kitsch.Absurdity.Irony.The complexity of life.Science.Whether squandering ones gifts is an art in its own rite.Tears.Soulmates.Fluids.Paper.Intoxication.Perfect moments.Wishes.Attraction.Mediocre tragedies.The mind.Why we do what we do.Extremes.Inhibitions. Liturature.Archetecture.Dreams.Sex.Metaphors.The strangeness of being alive.Etc.

The proximity of beauty and death: It is the transitory nature of things that makes them beautiful. A life with more beauty is a life with more death. Moments, not fixed conditions.

Everything must exist in paradox. If light can be a wave or a particle depending on how we observe it, than how am I supposed to know what the hell I am? The basis of reality is always the existence of two irreconcilable, mutually exclusive truths, and it is for me to choose, as the choice doesn't matter, as neither truth is truer. The only reason we can function is that we choose one pattern or another to project onto life so that it takes on a recognizable form. Why do we do this? What's the point? So whenever anyone tells me how things are or how they feel or what life is like, I feel nauseous. I feel like we can't know anything outside of our own limited experience, and even the nature of that experience is limited by our own random, meaningless choices. I hate having to choose! I don't want to choose one way or another, wave or particle, being or non-being, yet if I don't do so each day, it's impossible to get out of bed.
I guess it comes down to learning to embrace and enjoy ambiguity. I'm working on this.
On a typical Friday night I am
Shaking up bottles of mineral water and pressing my ear to them to hear the static of the bubbles popping. Beautiful.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like...big.... WORDS and I cannot lie!

You other brothers can't deny

When a girl talks in a verbose way

With a vocab that's in your face you get sprung!

Baby got brains.....

Uh, yeah. And I'm the queen of shy and awkward and all sorts of emotional intensity. If we ever meet I'll be really completely insanely nervous. But I'm an open book. Ask me anything. I've gotten screwed over because of this but it doesn't make me want to change it.
You should message me if
You know what I mean. I'm pretty open minded really. If I don't write back, its because my life is really busy right now.
The two of us