27 Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
I'm the Chandler Bing of my friend group. I'm just trying to drink wine and vandalize government property with you.

Instagram: @hitbycars
What I’m doing with my life
Accidentally escalating most situations to the point where hostages are taken
I’m really good at
Having existential crises in the middle of IKEA, burning bridges (both physically and metaphorically), reanimating the dead, Connect Four, eye contact, wizard battles, fucking up my life and the lives of those around me, singing 90s/2000/ R&B songs, and failure
The first things people usually notice about me
The hollow, lifeless look in my eyes

Or maybe my Wu Tang Clan tattoo. Probably that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Anything with violence, nudity, and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
The six things I could never do without
6 aliens
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How my looks are a solid 6.5 but my personality is a straight 12 so that technically averages to a 9.25
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't know how to speak Icelandic.

I have no criminal record and it is a constant source of shame.

I don't know who Felicia is or is why everyone keeps saying bye to her and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.
You should message me if
If you're April Ludgate or Wednesday Addams. Or if you're down with the Wu. Or if you are pessimistic human garbage looking for your Trash Lord. Or if you're bored or drunk or angry about globalization I don't fucking know FIGURE IT OUT DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO