iheartseuss
32 Manhattan, United States
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iheartseuss
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My self-summary
I love airports for the same reason people love snowstorms: they allow the freedom to do nothing. This is why people seem more happy during these events you know. Without judgement, without guilt, without a sarcastic side-eye from your artsy roommate who's on their way out of the house and to a gallery opening in some garage in Bushwhick, you're allowed to sit on your ass and do nothing while life, while completely stagnant, passes you by.

Anyways...

I'm going to level with you. At some point in the next year, I'm going to become a walking cliche and quit my job to travel. Quite frankly? I need more stories. So you're going to have to work pretty quickly if you want me to fall for you.

Why are you still even reading this?

I'm a born and raised New Yorker who is watching his previously sketchy neighborhood in Brooklyn become a location for the latest espresso bar whatever in the gods' damn name that is. Watching it all has made me feel old but at least Saraghina is in walking distance.

You know the place... I know you know the place.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm an art supervisor at a pharma ad agency and, contrary to what you may assume, I don't hate my life. Good company, good people, food every where all of the time. They spoil me.
I’m really good at
Jesus, where do I start...

First off, my MetroCard swipe success rate at this point in my life is off that charts which I notice, in my day to day, is incredibly rare. I've never lost or broken a phone and whenever I see a broken screen I'm confused and saddened. Expert at picking lines at stores (it's not the length of the line but the content of the carts that matter most). Excellent at killing time at airports. I once tore through the first five and a half seasons of Game of Thrones in 3 weeks. This was all while eating, working, going to the gym, and going on dates where I pretended I'd never do such a terrible thing. I can tie a cherry stem in my mouth in under 5 seconds and I've won several bar bets because of it. I'm not going to link this to oral sex on the sly. It's a real skill that takes real work... like oral sex I suppose. I also have the ability to make any size pizza "personal".

Excellent smizer.
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably that I'm black.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
About 55 minutes into our first date, we'll have exhausted most of the typical chatter that normally goes down. "Where are you from?" "What do you do?" "How many kids do you want?" etc etc. Around this time, you'll be thanking me that I saved my answers here for that inevitable awkward silence that we'll have.

"So... like... Hodor amiright?!"
The six things I could never do without
Heroine
Cocaine
Marijuana
Meth
Molly
Violent murders

I hate this question.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
More or less everything. Recently? Where this whole "sapiosexual" thing came from and whether or not I'm expected to take it seriously.

And why I still pay for Netflix just to watch the office over and over again.
On a typical Friday night I am
Friday's are the only day I'm able to go to the gym after work and not have to deal with a shit show so I almost always take advantage of that. Once that's over, I go home and eat a steak while watching a 30 for 30 documentary while mucking around on tinder here and there. Then I sit there all night watching random shit until I fall asleep around 2am.

My Friday's are unapologetically typical if I can help it.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
February 2015 - November 2015 | Teacher
• Great movie with a shit ending.

June 2014 - August 2014 | World traveler
• Probably my shortest relationship to date. Seemed good on paper but it never felt right. Wasn't all bad because through her I discovered Braulio.

May 2013 - June 2014 | Single
• Enjoyed the single life but ultimately decided to settle down.

April 2012 - May 2013 | Opera singer
• Great relationship overall but realized we were better friends than lovers. Still friends.

January 2012 - April 2012 | Single
• Met some nice people but mostly uneventful.

April 2011 - January 2012 | Same Opera singer
• Great relationship overall but realized we were better friends than lovers. Still friends.

April 2011 - past | Mostly a blur but someone definitely cheated on me.
You should message me if
If that message I sent you was as charming as I thought it was. It's not easy writing those things but don't message me if I was super lazy with it though. I don't deserve you...

Just so you're aware, I'm not a particularly monogamous person but it's also not something I speak out against (to each their own). I'm open about this aspect of my life as to avoid the drama that often comes with not doing so. This is something I'm constantly learning about and trying to be better at.

We can talk more about this at a later time. But for now? Be good out there.
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