33 Dayton, United States
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My self-summary
I'm looking for friends at this point. Not cause I'm entirely opposed to relationshipping but because I'm tired of going on dates that feel like really aggressive job interviews. "What are your strengths/weaknesses? What are your salary requirements? Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you are!"
N.b. ☞ Asking "What are you looking for?" in the first ten minutes of a date should be punishable by death.


Movie adaptations of Nicholas Sparks' books give me hives. I hate grass. It smells weird and it makes me itchy. I like cats and kittens. Dogs are on a case by case basis. I like fish but they're horrible to cuddle with and no fun to pet. I like babies because they're not really people yet. I hate teenagers because they're all the worst parts of people mushed into a pimple-riddled, angst-fueled bag of asshole.
What I’m doing with my life
Adulting as much as I am required to by law and society.
(Lies... I'm technically below standard expectations on this one.)
I’m really good at
Making myself unappealing, being hilarious, verbally assaulting strangers, creating elaborate fantasy worlds in my head, answering pointless questions on dating websites, ruining poignant moments, seeming way more interesting on the internet than I actually am.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I'm hilarious. Or awkward. Or both.

I imagine at some point people notice that I am a person. More specifically, a lady person.

Cause tits.

Also cause I get nervous and scream "I'M A LADY!" on occasion.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love reading but have trouble making myself read entire books nowadays as I have the attention span of a goldfish.
Currently reading "Furiously Happy" (yes, still). Also working on "Foxfire: Confessions of a Girl Gang" and "The Year of Living Biblically." (See: minimal attention span.)

Hands-down favorite movie: Aliens.
Horror movies overall. However, I like just about any movie except romantic comedies and "chick flicks."

I don't keep up on current shows for the most part, plus I don't have cable. I do like The Walking Dead and Archer though.

Atmosphere, Sage Francis, Ghost, Electric Six, Panic! at the Disco, Mayday!, The Protomen, Lana Del Rey.

I like all the foods. I do not discriminate against foods. Sushi and Italian are probably my faves.
The six things I could never do without
Newt (my cat). (Told you.)
Macaroni & cheese.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
"When can I take my pants off? Now? Can I take them off now? I bet no one would mind. And if they did, I bet they wouldn't say anything. And if they did say something, I could be all 'What the fuck, Jim? Why are you even looking, you pervert? I'm telling Luann in HR. You're out of here, pal.'"

I also wonder who the first person was to decide we needed to mow our lawns. Like, how bored was that guy?
On a typical Friday night I am
Vacillating between a desperate need to go out for the night and my body and brain's demands to hide in my bed.
You should message me if
... you can form an entire sentence using proper spelling and punctuation.
... you have strong feels about things which you think I may also have strong feels about.
... you know better than to immediately bring up your dick.
... you're looking for a new partner in your neverending quest to conquer the world of competitive ice dancing.