29 North Hollywood, United States
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My self-summary
I recently moved to LA from what could generously be called the East Coast. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing at any time ever, but I'm getting better at faking it. I'm an amateur stand-up comic and an even more amateur writer.

Probably the most important thing to know about me is that I have a real self-deprecating sense of humor. I mean only half of it, I promise.
What I’m doing with my life
*Hearty laughter that grows more uncomfortable with each passing moment*
I’m really good at
I'm a pretty good writer and poet, or at least I'd like to think so. I'm also told I'm pretty funny.

I'm a genuinely nice person as well, but I don't consider that a talent. More the absence of a negative quality. Since when is "not an asshole" something special?
The first things people usually notice about me
I get lots of compliments on my voice. Please note that I'm choosing to take people stumbling up to me and drunkenly mumbling, "You sound just like Brian*!" as a compliment.

Also, a common reaction I get from women I meet through this site is some variation of: "Wow, you're way more attractive than your pictures!" Which... isn't really a compliment? But whatever man, I'll take it.

*Brian is apparently the cartoon dog from Family Guy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I don't have the patience for novels lately. Most of my reading is either books of poetry or graphic novels. Comics in general really intrigue me, but I'm not interested in superheroes. Charles Burns, Bryan Lee O'Malley, and Alan Moore are right up my alley, though. My favorite poet is probably Bukowski, because I am nothing if not an insufferable hipster.

Movies: Yeah, I like movies. Coen brothers are a favorite.

Shows: I think Rick and Morty is probably the best animated show on TV right now. Lately I do not have the time to watch TV. Or, um, a TV. I'd like to continue my TV education, but this is a pretty low priority on the self-improvement totem pole for me.

Music: Modest Mouse is my absolute favorite, but I'm looking to expand my horizons.

Food: At this point, I basically regard food as a capsaicin delivery mechanism. I don't know how to use chopsticks, but I tend to forget this fact until 30 seconds after I order a dish or suggest a restaurant that requires the use of chopsticks.
The six things I could never do without
1. This ashtray.
2. This paddle game.
3. This remote control.
4. These matches.
5. This lamp.
6. The chair.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Is this a joke? (Technically.) Is it funny? (No.) Should I try it at the open mic tonight? (No one cares.)
On a typical Friday night I am
I'll be sure to let you know once I find out what my new "typical" is. I'm brand new to the West Coast, keep in mind, so still kind of finding my feet.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't own a car. Working on it, though.
You should message me if
What is this "if" crap? Just message me, why not? At the very least, send some constructive criticism. Both this profile and my actual personage are very much works in progress.