59Chicago, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
"_You'll_ be all right. _He's_ learning." (The fortuneteller to Celine after briefly reading Jesse's palm in the film "Before Sunrise").* I hope that's true. Consider the alternative. I navigate as best I can by Yogi Berra's** thought, "You can see a lot by just looking." There's nothing more challenging that I know. "First, know yourself" is easy to _say_. If I knew _who_ I was, it would be obvious.

_What_ I am is civilized, literate, widely traveled professional, a lawyer who left big firm life and academia, or vice versa; institutional life doesn't seem to suit me, for a solo practice directed to people in underserved communities who need but cannot afford quality representation. Berra also said: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." I have taken a lot of forks in the road.

I'm culturally Jewish, spiritually Buddhist, and idiosyncratically very left wing (and it matters); overeducated, but not a snob, at least about that. There are too many PhDs or JDs who operate under the delusion that having a lot of expensive wallpaper -- I mainly keep mine in an armoire -- means one's smart.

I like to think I'm a gentleman. The tux pic in the gallery isn't to make that point with a hammer. It's only a photo that just turned up that's cool. I do like to dress in fancy, conservatively styled suits. I'm sexually _extremely_ adventurous, very kinky, and quite dominant in a low-key sort of way.

I'm not monogamous,*** jealous or possessive. I'm also not a player: absolute honesty and transparency is crucial. I'm in an open relationship with a wonderful women, but I think that love, like knowledge, is not diminished by nonexclusivity. I tried to avoid that double negative, but I think that's what I mean to say. Time is limited, but if we are right for each other, we will make time. I strive to pay attention to whoever I'm with. If you call it to my attention that I'm not, I'll thank you and see if I can do better.

I'm looking for friends as well as partners: if you're smart, fast, funny, slightly twisted, and we share interests, we can just enjoy each other's company or see if more develops.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life.
I’m really good at
Constructing and taking apart complicated arguments. Telling jokes with a dry sense of humor. Procrastinating. Learning new things. Shopping (unfortunately I do like to shop). My work.
The first things people usually notice about me
(This section needs updating.) I decided to ask _them_. A woman I'd never met in person until a while ago said her first impression of me was that I was worldly, stylish, reserved, intriguing, accommodating, absent-minded, measured, and a flaneur (a stroller of urban boulevards in search of erotic or other adventure). A male friend I've known for a while said I present as stylish, intelligent, and pleasant. A former acquaintance said that I have have style in an old-fashioned, new-fangled sort of way. There's a common thread running through this.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A gay friend once remarked,"You love musical theater and opera and care about dressing well. Are you sure you're straight?" (Does it matter? He also dubbed me an honorary queer, which I took as a high compliment.) I also love classic jazz, blues, and movies. I would rather read mysteries or history or argue politics than watch the game. I listen to everything from Dylan through Ellington, Nina Simone, Stephen Sondheim and Audra MacDonald, Bach and Beethoven, to Public Enemy.

I like the outdoors, especially if it's the Upper West Side, but tent camping vacations in places with trees are great too. My idea of a perfect evening is dinner and a show in New York City in the autumn, ending with a late night that is exquisitely sensual, and perhaps delightfully painful for somebody, and maybe dim sum in Chinatown in the morning. I'd teleport to Florence in, er, a New York minute. I presently live in Chicago.

I still have way too much stuff but I prefer people and travel, ideally travel with people, to possessions. I don't smoke or use drugs, drink fairly moderately, and mostly eat vegetarian.

It's not important to me that a partner or friend share (very many) of my nonstandard preferences, but if you think that the Tea Party is really cool, that arming teachers is a good response to school shootings, and think it's just fine that six WalMart heirs have more wealth than the bottom 41.5% of the US population, or suspect that my tastes really might mean I'm gay and think that'd be a problem, we'd have some uphill sledding.
Six things I could never do without
My family (kids, grandkid, sisters, in-laws), intelligent conversation, weird sex, high-end leather, Katz's Deli on the Lower East Side. "Hope -- the last thing in the box" used to be on the list, and while hope is vital, the word has been rather spoiled over the last seven or eight years.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
See item three above. (That's only partially a joke.) What can be done about the amount of cruelty and unnecessary suffering in the world. How to accept myself as I am _and_ be a better person. My work. What I'm going to do over the medium run. What I'm going to eat for dinner.
On a typical Friday night I am
These days I don't have too many typical Fridays.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If you look at the answers to some of the OKC questions you can draw appropriate inferences. The short versions of are in this profile out for all to see.

Some of the answers, not those I refer to here, are out-of-date and reflect former life circumstances. These are changed as found, but I've answered a lot of questions. And no doubt when when they've been changed, life will be different again.
You should message me if
You are an intelligent erotically adventurous, open-minded woman with at least some potential interest in kink, and are not possessive or jealous. We should probably have at least a mid OKC 90s% match. Being black would be a plus, not a requirement -- my first girlfriend was, and it imprinted me for life. But I care about people, not melanin content. Or you just think that someone this peculiar might make an interesting friend or partner.

You have brains, wit, style, maturity --whatever your age-- stability, self-sufficiency, honesty, curiosity, and the ability to dish it out and take it . And you have enough interest and patience to read all this.

You must be nonmonogamous, poly, or happy to be with someone who is. (That'd be me.) You should be comfortable with absolute honesty and transparency, because that's what you'll get hereabouts, and be willing to discuss needs, desires, issues, personal and other, with complete explicitness. I'm afraid reading minds is not my superpower.

We all have baggage: ours ought to be reasonably interesting to the other. Yours should not contain current or recent serious substance abuse or unresolved debilitating psychological problems. Mine doesn't involve any of these, despite the usual complement of interesting issues one picks up in living.

Friendship is first. You should be interested in relationships that are fun and interesting whether or not they involve physical contact. We can see what develops -- or just enjoy the play. I'm creative if you're patient; there are lots of ways to do things, and who's in a hurry?

*A formerly favorite film. I still like it, but things have changed. For a while, when I was working for Biglaw, it was Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, but again life is different now. I'd put A Price Above Rubies above both of them. And I never tire of the Aliens films, not since the first one came out, whatever that says about me.

**Yogi has left us now, with one last Berra-ism. When he was dying, his wife apparently asked him where he wanted to be buried, New York City, New Jersey, where? "Surprise me," he responded.

*** See http://thecouplesstudy.com/wp-content/uploads/BeyondMonogamy_1_01.pdf (about gays but generally applicable)
The two of us