I have a lot of pet mice. Sometimes we play Adam and Eve. I'll put put about ten different types of cheeses in their cage. They're free to eat whatever cheese their hearts' desire.......... except for the forbidden cheddar. Whoever disobeys me, and eats the forbidden cheddar gets fed to the cat.
Don't make that face. It's not as cruel as it sounds. All they have to do is listen. It's not that difficult. And how else is my cat supposed to eat? I'm not buying cat food.
First of all, I don't have any money. Secondly, the pet food industry is evil. Did you know that pet food is made out of dead animals?????? Probably so. But I bet you didn't know that the animals weren't slaughtered. They use the rotting corpses of animals that die from diseases. So I urge every pet owner to prepare your beloved animal's food yourself.
The healthiest thing for a cat to eat is a mouse. I don't have any dogs. But I think they eat cats. Don't take my word for it though. You should probably look that up.
Although I love my job, I sometimes have vivid fantasies about what my life might be like if I was a detective, instead of a taxidermist.
You know all of the cliches.
I'd wear a trench coat, smoke from a briar pipe, and all of my clients would be rich with attractive daughters always attempting to seduce me.
The only thing different would be my sidekick. He'd be a trouble making spider monkey that would chill on my shoulder most of time.
Odd hobby? Well I find it odd that a person that enjoys climbing mountains is considered a sexy daredevil, but a person that enjoys climbing trees is a crazy lunatic.
What else is there to do around here? If there were any mountains in the area, I'd climb mountains instead. But there aren't any, so the trees must suffice.
4. Jesus (My Mexican friend)
5. My mom (I live in her basement)
6. My cape (I'm a superhero. I save animals from their predators)
How can these people be so content? Everyone is so uptight here. They're either happy being miserable, or they're actually really happy. How? LSU, and crawfish? It's not enough for me.
I've lived other places. It wasn't like this. Why am I here? I'm trapped. You're probably trapped too.
They say that when one door closes, another door opens. That doesn't apply here though. There's only a few doors, and they're locked. When one door closes you're fucked.
Everyone thinks they're a part of some elite group here, but they're just in denial about how meaningless their pathetic existence is, in a pathetic place. Is that an ironic statement? Smugly accusing others of elitism? What kind of mountain do I stand on? Who looks down on the mighty (Okay, I'm getting carried away. Like I'm some kind of writer. I'm so stupid)? How can I say such a thing? I can't. Just because my life has become meaningless, and miserable; I can't assume that everyone else's life is just as meaningless, and just as miserable as mine. After all, at least they have a life. At least they have LSU, and crawfish.
I have a son. I'm not a part of his life though. I blame my self. I'm too passive. But I was a great father. I really was. I was never really good at the disciplining part though. Maybe I didn't want him to end up like me (that's not it). I wanted him to be confident (nope). I was trying to be his favorite?
Of course not. I had already missed a large portion of his life. I owed him. This wasn't supposed to happen again. It was over. The bad times were behind us. His mother and I were back together. We were happy. Nothing could tear us apart. She was different now. She could never do such a horrible thing. She was older now. That was the past. Right? Wrong! Any idiot could've predicted the outcome. But I'm sure you all know the power of denial at this point in your lives. It's just as effective as a blindfold. What's the point in seeing the truth if you don't believe it. You've been in denial yourselves. You know people that think they'll live forever. You know homosexuals that think they're straight. You may even laugh at their foolish predicaments behind their back. But we've all been a fool at one point.
But anyways, like I said, I was a great father. I even helped him with his homework.
What do you think about the education system? Education? or indoctrination? Shouldn't we be taught how to survive in any situation?
Instead we're taught how to rely on a system. A totally fucked up system. Instead of being taught the meaning of life, we're taught the meaning of money. Greed trumps love. This is all either really obvious to you, or I sound like a complete idiot, but it doesn't matter either way.
But where was I? Oh yea, I was a great father. But was I? I didn't even fight for him. What kind of parent does that make me? You're right. That makes me a worthless piece of shit. I couldn't have said it any better myself. But I do regret it. I miss him too. He's about to be thirteen. But does that make anything better? I regret it? I miss him too? Nope. That doesn't make me a good person. I'm still a piece of shit. I abandoned my child.
I hate myself.I sometimes think about killing myself. Happy endings to movies make me cry, but sadness has no effect on me. Boohoo. How pathetic is that? I'm such a fucking alpha male.
I enjoy being alone. I'm actually not trying to meet anyone. If I was, I wouldn't have written any of this shit. I'm obviously trying to turn you off. But why am I on a dating site? What kind of man thinks like this? You're right. I must be a woman. I was thinking the same thing. It's like you're reading my mind.
Oh yea, I have a Kiss shirt that I only wear when I eat macaroni and cheese. Let me elaborate.
I make macaroni and cheese. I put on my Kiss shirt. I eat the macaroni and cheese. When I'm finished I take my Kiss shirt back off, and put it back in the closet. I also hate Kiss. What do you think about Kiss?