The truth is that I am *Really* sorry. Like, sincerely. Not all of you are creepy. Heck, I'm on here and I don't think that I'm creepy.
I just wanted to clear the air and let you know that I wrote my log in and password in my "little book" that I keep with me indicating all things important in my life. You just never know when you're going to get hit with amnesia, and your Mom might know a lot about you but she certainly doesn't know you are so lame you use online dating sites on a religious basis let alone *know* the log in information. I imagine her going and reading everything clucking her tongue in disapproval and as a few tears stream down her cheeks she thinks of her "I've never been lucky in love" daughter, changes EVERYTHING on said profile including pictures, inserting my First Communion portrait from Sears 1993.
Now that I cleared the air.
I will finish the rest of this portion later. It takes a lot of pride and energy admitting that you're a complete dolt. Especially when what you're doing is attempting to prove the complete opposite. Is honesty sexy? Probably as sexy as the spot I just noticed on my leg that I missed when I shaved.
So, "What I'm doing with my life" is kind of a loaded question for anyone to be asking me. Depending on how I'm feeling I might cry.... or throw a chair at you.
Actually I won't do either. I got my crying out a while ago and the only fight I got in was in 6th grade before Earth Science when my friend Amy accused me of going to the guidance counselor and tattling on her attention seeking ways (I didn't). She swung at me and it was on.
My life is beyond any ridiculous independent film about some 20-something girl who might be a little "quirky" but whose heart is in the right place and experiencing all this actualization sort of crap. What did my Mom recently say to me? Oh. "When you'd tell me things about your life... I didn't think you were lying, but I did think maybe you were... exaggerating.... a little too much. Everything in your life is horrible and did you know it just keeps getting worse. Your life is shitty. I wish you were a liar."
So right now I am doing the opposite of everything I was doing before with my shitty life and the opposite of everything I had planned for my shitty life.
It's fucking terrifying but also the most exciting time of my life.
**NOTE: Did you know that Starbucks does not turn off the magic wifi machine (I don't know computer stuff) when they close for the night? If you sit outside the location, for example where their patio is, you can use the internet, at no cost, all night (and won't get dirty looks for bringing your own snacks to complement your $5.00 16ounce beverage)
Books:any era of philip k dick is appealing to me in different ways, augusten burroughs (even though i used to HATE him and upon seeing The House he grew up in i almost tore the car door off hulk style to get out to spit on it), ray bradbury, warren ellis, scott snyder, flannery o'connor, anton chekhov, tennessee williams
Movies: alien, reanimator, the fly (original and cronenbergs, american psycho, the secret of nimh, the elephant man, possession (the '81 title), prometheis
Shows: twin peaks, lost, nova
Music: I'm weird with racket. I like silence or NPR a lot. I like a lot of older stuff and boopy stuff and guilty pleasure stuff. A typical playlist contains a lot of bauhaus, the cure, meat loaf, kronos quartet, the knife, morrissey...
Food: stuff habitual drunk people and kids eat. no eggs.
chicken wings... I really want chicken wings and have no attention of going home until I have a box of chicken wings cradled in my arms.
a hammock. I am going in that thing as soon as I have my chicken wings. I will probably pass out in it as I haven't been sleeping great and wake up around 3am covered with chicken wing slop and shame.
my phone. Im super awkward in public. It makes me look busy when I pretend to do stuff on my phone (Im usually just swiping it from on app selection page to the next)
books. books are my friends.
We Never Close. In the past week I discovered the existence of Kettle Corn Cracker Jacks (any other kind of Cracker Jacks are just foul), some kind of Sour Patch Kid that looks like a gummy turnip, "Party" Perry's ice cream sandwiches which is vanilla cookie and BIRTHDAY CAKE ICE CREAM, 33.8oz bottles of DIET CREAM SODA, and 99 cent slices of pizza. All these things everyone else only buys when they have alcohol poisoning, or I've been told, I don't drink but sometimes I pretend to be drunk so I don't look like I have the diet of an overweight 12 year olds' wet dream
Lists. I'm bored. I make a list. I'm stressed. I make a list. I'm excited. I make a list. I'm on a dating website. I make a list. I start my day. I make a list.
I have strong aversion to thinking about what was.
Clearly if you messaged me before and I never responded. If you forgive me please give me another chance, I'm not a dick. I'll give you the same level of time and respect you give/gave me.