32Buffalo, United States
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My self-summary
FIRST OFF: I know that I have a profile here, actually, apparently I have several profiles here. The problem is I don't have access to it (and the others? You're asking me to remember log ins from 5 years ago? I can't even log in to the one I have.) People have seen me in Real Life and recognized me and confronted me "Hey! I messaged you **insert creepily specific time* ago. You ignored me, why do you even have OkCupid? You're stuck up!" That's usually when I either turn my switch to *off* or try to find the nearest emergency exit without averting my eyes from the person so they don't know what I'm thinking.
The truth is that I am *Really* sorry. Like, sincerely. Not all of you are creepy. Heck, I'm on here and I don't think that I'm creepy.
I just wanted to clear the air and let you know that I wrote my log in and password in my "little book" that I keep with me indicating all things important in my life. You just never know when you're going to get hit with amnesia, and your Mom might know a lot about you but she certainly doesn't know you are so lame you use online dating sites on a religious basis let alone *know* the log in information. I imagine her going and reading everything clucking her tongue in disapproval and as a few tears stream down her cheeks she thinks of her "I've never been lucky in love" daughter, changes EVERYTHING on said profile including pictures, inserting my First Communion portrait from Sears 1993.

Now that I cleared the air.

I will finish the rest of this portion later. It takes a lot of pride and energy admitting that you're a complete dolt. Especially when what you're doing is attempting to prove the complete opposite. Is honesty sexy? Probably as sexy as the spot I just noticed on my leg that I missed when I shaved.
What I’m doing with my life
You know that thing they tell you? That "You can do whatever you want as long as you put your mind/heart into it?" Well I realized that was crap even when I was a kid so I set my expectations pretty low. I even only picked ONE of those low expectations in order to be extra safe (and it was the boring one!) and it still failed in the most Epic of Fails.

So, "What I'm doing with my life" is kind of a loaded question for anyone to be asking me. Depending on how I'm feeling I might cry.... or throw a chair at you.

Actually I won't do either. I got my crying out a while ago and the only fight I got in was in 6th grade before Earth Science when my friend Amy accused me of going to the guidance counselor and tattling on her attention seeking ways (I didn't). She swung at me and it was on.

My life is beyond any ridiculous independent film about some 20-something girl who might be a little "quirky" but whose heart is in the right place and experiencing all this actualization sort of crap. What did my Mom recently say to me? Oh. "When you'd tell me things about your life... I didn't think you were lying, but I did think maybe you were... exaggerating.... a little too much. Everything in your life is horrible and did you know it just keeps getting worse. Your life is shitty. I wish you were a liar."

So right now I am doing the opposite of everything I was doing before with my shitty life and the opposite of everything I had planned for my shitty life.
It's fucking terrifying but also the most exciting time of my life.
I’m really good at
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm a girl, my hair is blonde but I should probably do something about those roots pretty soon, I go to Starbucks** to "steal" (I end up spending gross amounts of money drinking things that shouldn't cost half of what they do.), I have a lot of tattoos which I've learned is usually a "make it or break it" point(also I don't understand this "bad ass/bad girl" thing people assume. I am probably the furthest thing from either unless you count passive aggressive "missed connections" on Craigslist for people who do not know how to behave respectably in public)

**NOTE: Did you know that Starbucks does not turn off the magic wifi machine (I don't know computer stuff) when they close for the night? If you sit outside the location, for example where their patio is, you can use the internet, at no cost, all night (and won't get dirty looks for bringing your own snacks to complement your $5.00 16ounce beverage)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
This is long enough and you're tempting me with lists. This can go on all night. I'll try not to be excessive considering I've already given you my grocery list from the drunkards' convenience store.

Books:any era of philip k dick is appealing to me in different ways, augusten burroughs (even though i used to HATE him and upon seeing The House he grew up in i almost tore the car door off hulk style to get out to spit on it), ray bradbury, warren ellis, scott snyder, flannery o'connor, anton chekhov, tennessee williams

Movies: alien, reanimator, the fly (original and cronenbergs, american psycho, the secret of nimh, the elephant man, possession (the '81 title), prometheis

Shows: twin peaks, lost, nova

Music: I'm weird with racket. I like silence or NPR a lot. I like a lot of older stuff and boopy stuff and guilty pleasure stuff. A typical playlist contains a lot of bauhaus, the cure, meat loaf, kronos quartet, the knife, morrissey...

Food: stuff habitual drunk people and kids eat. no eggs.
Six things I could never do without
Ok, there are the important obvious things and I am going to completely avoid that and just have fun with this list with what I could never do without at this precise moment of 7/13@ 10:23PM

chicken wings... I really want chicken wings and have no attention of going home until I have a box of chicken wings cradled in my arms.

a hammock. I am going in that thing as soon as I have my chicken wings. I will probably pass out in it as I haven't been sleeping great and wake up around 3am covered with chicken wing slop and shame.

my phone. Im super awkward in public. It makes me look busy when I pretend to do stuff on my phone (Im usually just swiping it from on app selection page to the next)

books. books are my friends.

We Never Close. In the past week I discovered the existence of Kettle Corn Cracker Jacks (any other kind of Cracker Jacks are just foul), some kind of Sour Patch Kid that looks like a gummy turnip, "Party" Perry's ice cream sandwiches which is vanilla cookie and BIRTHDAY CAKE ICE CREAM, 33.8oz bottles of DIET CREAM SODA, and 99 cent slices of pizza. All these things everyone else only buys when they have alcohol poisoning, or I've been told, I don't drink but sometimes I pretend to be drunk so I don't look like I have the diet of an overweight 12 year olds' wet dream

Lists. I'm bored. I make a list. I'm stressed. I make a list. I'm excited. I make a list. I'm on a dating website. I make a list. I start my day. I make a list.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What's now.
What's next.

I have strong aversion to thinking about what was.
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm really especially totally completely looking to make new friends and I don't mean that with any secret code involved, nor is there any hint of creepy desperation. I just moved to a new area(Elmwood Village) and I feel like the child version of me where I was the only person in that block of the lunch room table. Granted it wasn't a huge move (Depew to Buffalo) but it's a completely different environment that has this amazing energy where you can sit on the porch and engage in random conversations with drunks all night long and you don't even have to put on pants. Depew doesn't let you do that. I've also been extremely quiet and shy for a long time and I do have GREAT friends but a few years back I lost majority of folks in my life when I stopped being door mattish and I found out how nasty and cruel and self centered folks could be. It took a while to recover from that (don't worry, I sincerely don't have baggage!)so I want to reestablish a social life that doesn't involve having dinner and movie night with my cats 7 nights a week.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If you actually read this thing you might remember I mentioned amnesia. I really had amnesia. Or have it? I'm not sure how that works. So you get amnesia, is it tensed as if it were a one time event or as if it were an ongoing thing? It's not constantly a continuously happening thing (anymore), but I do still experience situations where things come up that were affected by it.
You should message me if
If you want to.
Clearly if you messaged me before and I never responded. If you forgive me please give me another chance, I'm not a dick. I'll give you the same level of time and respect you give/gave me.
The two of us