jmzq
33 Berkeley, United States
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jmzq
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My self-summary
I'm in a stable polyamorous family-like relationship with TenThousandFeet (unconventional gendered age difference! This implies real things about both of us that are pretty awesome.). I understand that unicorn hunters are common and vexing, so I will say explicitly that I'm not looking for a triad. Also, neither of us is new to non-monogamy, and we practice lots of introspection and communication around needs, with each other and other partners. We discuss our needs with each other, and do not have power over each other's other relationships.

I envision having space for at least one other connection with someone I'd describe as a partnership.

I think my guiding principles are empathy, long-term thinking, kindness, and Oxford commas. On the theme of long-term thinking, sustainability is (quixotically) a big deal to me (Ask me about the utility-scale photovoltaic industry!). I engage in conspicuous non-consumption. I am not a fan of either masculinity or femininity.

Also very important: I know it's difficult for women to feel safe in hetero dating. I care a great deal about countering rape culture. How can we healthily express desire with all that surrounding baggage? How do we break out of a cycle of hetero men being socialized to be totally uncritical about pursuing satisfaction of their desires, and women being socialized to be similarly uncritical about going along with it? Getting meta, I read the brilliant thing about Beavis by AlanaMassey@Medium that starts by observing that feminist cred is becoming sexual currency for men, like "wokeness plumage". So how do I convey the genuine level of investment I have in others' safety and needs? I may even be less invested than I think; that's the subtlest and darnedest difficulty. I will leave it at that I'm anguished at the general fucked-up-ness of communication in hetero courtship, and I've never known how to deal with it.
What I’m doing with my life
Changing it, maybe. So far, convincing people in power to pay me enough money to stay alive without doing anything directly evil.

Making things solar-powered.

Volunteering as a peer counselor and training others to do the same, as a simple effort to mitigate the painful parts of the human experience, which I want to do more of.

As you might have guessed by now, being an intersectional feminist killjoy, which for a white cis het male-presenting person generally means keeping my mouth shut and believing others about their own life experiences, or schooling other men who're failing to do same. It's shockingly simple in principle and complicated to live up to in practice.

In 2012 I went skiing for the first time. Now during the winter I'm doing that a lot, too (See: passive evil). Did you know there are several ways to plan North Tahoe weekend ski trips entirely using public transit?

I bike for transportation as the cheapest workaround for car culture even though I pretty much hate riding through car infrastructure relying on the goodness of people in private boxes to not get maimed. I also spend a lot of time at climbing gyms. Sometimes I run, and feel awesome.
I’m really good at
Lots of things. Too many things, but often not the right ones. Anything spatial or logical. Also, communication and nurturing (working hard in the past year on doing this for myself). Troubleshooting anything. Making anything. Doing nothing. Being late and apologizing (I hate this and it's a lifelong struggle and focus of self-awareness effort).

If you take a look at my Personality tab, you'll note a huge slab of blue at the top marking me as "More Sex-Driven". That might be the case if I were more charming and confident and uncritically accepted misogynistic norms of hetero courtship, but in reality...
The first things people usually notice about me
include that I'm being a wallflower, most likely. Except when I'm the only person laughing at something particularly goofy, because I find everything funny and sometimes forget to not be weird. Or they notice that I'm shorter than average with a longer-than-average mane.

I also sometimes think I've given strangers the feeling that they've been told by a Jedi to go home and rethink their lives. I have trouble turning off the killjoy, and sometimes - some rare glorious times! - seem to figure out how to communicate it to others in ways they can listen to.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm going to leave it at "any of the above that offers enough intricacy or insight into the human condition to be interesting".

I'm quite the fan of silence, I don't know much about culture beyond discussions I follow on twitter/fb*, and I glaze over if I try to read this section.

*I gotta change this, though - my book reading has been displaced by Internet reading**, and for example I'm kinda ashamed at never having read Rebecca Solnit's books despite how deeply I appreciate her facebook posts.

**I think this was once known as "internet addiction".
The six things I could never do without
I have shown a lot of fucking adaptability (<-- Neal Stephenson reference here; maybe I've at least absorbed excitable-nerd-fantasy culture) in my life, and I'm pretty sure I could deal with deprivation up until it killed me (wish it wasn't true, and not going for an expression of masculinity here). But awesome things I appreciate include:
- Indoor plumbing and heating
- Very dark chocolate
- Funny people
- Cuddly people
- My cats! I worry about loving them too much.
- Sunshine
- Forests
- Information
- More chocolate (fair-trade, please)
- Oh, and a bicycle , how could I leave that off...
- A drill, circular saw, soldering iron, and set of basic hand tools are pretty critical too.
- And I just learned how to weld steel! So many possibilities.
[E]BufferOverflowException:Number of awesome things exceeds array size of 6.
[E]And you call yourself a software engineer.
[F]Perhaps you want to go home and rethink your career. Maybe choose one that lets you like yourself more.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The operational status of elevators on the BART system. (I am glad they announce this!)

Anything that I find uncomfortable to think about; I make it a point to identify why.

Algorithms and electricity.

Oppression of the vulnerable, the goddamn kyriarchy, how to most effectively subvert the refusal of other middle-class folks to see it, and how to get to a point where vulnerable people feel safe.

What in hell that ad with the elderly lady peeling her face off is trying to accomplish. Gah! Actually why OkCupid doesn't display better ads in general. They have complete personality profiles of most of their users, for frick's sake!

How to be a better peer counselor, and how to advocate for deliberate maintenance of mental health.

How designs of human-made objects and environments evolved, and how totally sensible design processes can result in perplexing things becoming standardized and immortal. How to engage in a kind and productive way with beliefs of others that I see as destructive - there's some need those beliefs meet. Anything other than the looming endgame of a culture based on the assumption of unlimited resources. What time it is, which I can never keep track of. And sex, but I would never say that in an OkCupid profile as a cis-dude mostly interested in women. Whether and how a straight man can be sexual while not being masculine.

All the benefits of and barriers to cooperative housing, the USA's weird real estate fetish, and imperial racist anxiety. (Please let me know if you're aware of a co-op of teetotalling introverted killjoys, or would like to start one. It'll be the funnest place in town!)

I just spend a lot of time thinking.
On a typical Friday night I am
hopefully cuddling with beloved human(s) or cat(s).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Privacy is to me all about not being unfairly judged.
So, I don't know, how judgmental are you?

My transcendentalism is being crazy about people in general and in awe of the depth of complexity and potential of human beings.

I wish I had time to read all the interesting things and know all the ways I see the world lacking and decide what the best version of myself could be and how best to move that way and plan on how to best use my energy to make the world less lacking and then have it still be morning today with a lifetime ahead of me to act on it.
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