I'm obsessed with comic books, video games, log cabins, earthquakes/geology, and making new stuff out of old stuff (ie: stuffed animals from old clothes). I perpetually have ink on my fingers, paint on my clothes, and graphite on the heel of my hand. I love people who know what to do with apostrophes. I love boys in funky glasses. I love pink popcorn, road trips, thunderstorms, monkeys in shearling coats shopping for housewares, writing very real songs for my very fake band, and Catholic iconography even though I couldn't be further from religious. I'm especially interested in Dia de los Muertos and I sculpt and paint sugar skulls, which I'm considering selling on Etsy.
I'm a writer and an artist, and I'm trying to cobble my skills together in the form of a graphic novel or three. It's super slow going, but I love what I'm doing.
According to one of the hundred-thousand personality tests on this site, I'm an INFJ. While I tend toward introversion, you'd never know it if you were talking to me. I think my introversion has more to do with needing quiet time to think, and needing to (literally) sit still to do most of the things I love. But I don't believe it's so much a reflection on who and how I am socially. I've been told that I'm warm, welcoming, and charming, which is very flattering - and true, I hope! :^)
I'm looking for a super-sweet, crazy-smart, hysterically-funny grown-ass-man who's well-connected with his inner child -- somebody who'd like to go on adventures with me, eat food so spicy it makes us cry a little, try brand-new things that neither of us have ever done before, get lost on purpose, and then go home and read to each other in bed. Please be present and engaged, interested and interesting, open, sincere, consistent, fearless, honest, and brimming over with enthusiasm, personality and ideas. If you're as excited about stuff as I am, odds are, I'll be excited about you, too, heh. Bonus points if you're also a creative type; it would be amazing to find a companion with whom I could partner up or work alongside :^)
I am creative, quirky, and inspired.
Mostly what I've been doing with my life is wondering what to do with my life. I know what I'm passionate about, but I'm having a hell of a time finding work. I am actively looking, but yes, this means that I am currently unemployed. Also less than adorable: I'm living with my mom while I'm trying to sort my shit out, which is kind of an enormous bummer. She's wonderful, but this situation is less than ideal. Just know that I'm doing the best I can to get my legs under me, and it's only temporary, but I totally get it if that's a turn-off. I'm a fan of full disclosure; it spares us both some grief in the end.
I have no doubt whatsoever that I'll wind up in grad school sooner or later. I'd like to eventually have my PhD in creative writing. There's something sort of hilarious about being a doctor of something useless. I'd love to be in a situation where someone asks, "Is there a doctor in the house?" and then say, "Yep, but I'm probably not the kind of doctor you're after." I know CPR though. (Thank you, "Rescue 911" circa 1992.)
- talking to middle/high school students like they're adults
- making grilled cheese sammies
- weaving a narrative into a mix CD
- getting my glasses all scratched up
- writing books (I hope!)
- embarking on road trips on a whim
- making lame stuff fun (in the past week, two different guys have written me to tell me that I'd make an afternoon at the DMV really fun. I shit you not.)
- kicking your ass at Catan and Carcassonne
- cooking bacon, even though I'm a vegetarian, heh (the trick is to start with a cold pan; good bacon takes time)
- making ridiculous faces for roller coaster cameras
- picking up foreign languages (it's my idiot-savant skill)
- coming up with hilarious portmanteaux
- and I make the best pineapple upside-down cake you've ever had
I get a lot of comments about how smiley I am. I do smile quite a bit.
I don't look my age. Here's a little story to illustrate: a couple of birthdays ago, I went to 31 Flavors with my mom to get an ice cream cake (can I get an amen?) and the guy ringing me up asked me how old I was turning. I told him to guess. He said, "Eighteen or nineteen?" I said, "Actually, I'm 29 today."
This happens a lot. Waitresses gave me kid's menus until I was in my mid-twenties. Makes me wonder if there's not a portrait in my attic that keeps aging while I don't.
I haven't gotten any age-related questions lately, but I think it has something to do with how much gray I have in my hair now.
Young face + Einstein hair = a confusing head.
In a nutshell:
- Chuck Palahniuk
- Papa Hemingway
- Richard Matheson
- Marquez and the magical-realists
- Margaret Atwood
- J.D. Salinger
- Stephen King
- Jose Saramago
- Cormac McCarthy
- George R. R. Martin
- Charles Burns
- Craig Thompson
- Mike Mignola
- Dan Clowes
- Alan Moore
- Frank Miller
- Warren Ellis
- Grant Morrison
- The Big Lebowski
- Fight Club
- The Professional
- Harold & Maude
- Indiana Jones (yes, even the fourth one)
- Midnight In Paris
- The Royal Tenenbaums
- West World
- The Cabin In The Woods
- As of tonight, I'm obsessed with Girls; I stayed up all night and watched every episode
- Doctor Who
- It's Always Sunny
- Arrested Development
- Parks and Recreation
- Breaking Bad
- Game of Thrones
- Walking (and then Talking) Dead
- Downton Abbey
- Firefly (If you're not on your fourth viewing, we can't be friends)
- Leonard Cohen
- No Use For A Name
- Marvin Gaye
- Elliott Smith
- Joni Mitchell
- Avail/Tim Barry
- Sufjan Stevens
- Nick Drake
- Death Cab/Postal Service
- Bob Dylan
- I make eggs in a nest all the time: http://pinchmysalt.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/egg-in-a-nest.jpg
- oily diner coffee
- fizzy water
- cheese. All of the cheese.
- Mexican (especially dos sopes)
- the best-ever eggs benny at the Castaway in Maui
- this killer garlicky-gouda-crushed red pepper-spaghetti my family makes for birthday dinners and special occasions
Comedy (because I think it's relevant)
- Patton Oswalt
- Louis C.K.
- Maria Bamford
- Sarah Silverman
- Brian Posehn
- The Walking The Room Podcast (what's up, Cuddlahs?)
- The "Nerdist" podcast
- The "Pod F. Tompkast"
(Dane Cook, Ron White, and/or Jeff Dunham fans need not apply.)
It's a blessing and a curse, but I have a mind like a steel trap, and I can remember freaky details and, for the most part, entire conversations, even from years ago. When I'm not thinking about the book I'm writing, I'm probably doing some nostalgic daydreaming.
I love to make maps in my head of the places I've been. I'd like to think that I have fairly accurate maps of Florence, Paris, and Athens floating around in there. :^)
Recently, I've been wondering why they call 'em "oyster crackers". Am I missing something?
I really like revising/reinventing old games to make them harder, or funnier, or better in some way. I've changed the rules for solitaire over & over to make it more challenging, and I made my own version of Guess Who? using random photos of strangers I found on myspace. You're forbidden from asking questions like, "Does your person have blonde hair?" You can only ask subjective or bizarre questions, like, "Could your person have bodies in the crawl space?" or "Does your guy have really bad breath?" In spite of the fact that you rarely win the game, it's much more fun to play. Trust me ;^)
Halloween is my Christmas; Christmas is my Hanukkah.
This is not an admission of weekly involvement in CosPlay -- that stuff creeps me out. Nah, I just didn't know where else to put that joke, so my best friend & brother from another mother, Jason IQuitTheForest suggested I stick it in my Typical Friday Night section, heh. He's a funny mofo. On a really typical Friday night, I'm probably talking to him, long-ass-distance, since he moved to the East Coast.
But yeah, I do take Halloween super seriously, have no fewer than 8 black & orange storage bins in my shed, and I decorate the crap out of my house every year. Y'know, for the kiddies... It's not for me at all. ;^)
The last time I went on a first date, I had to make connecting flights to do it. Yeah. Lesson learned; long distance relationships don't work for me. So, y'know, if you're like a ten minute drive from me, that would be stellar.
On a more serious, less werewolf-related note: I'm not a perfect person (though the phrase "perfect person" is a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it?). Sometimes I'm melancholy, sometimes I'm lonesome, sometimes I feel agoraphobic, sometimes I'm cranky, or lazy, or insecure... But I'm always honest, always reliable, always authentic, always compassionate, and I'm one of the best damned friends anyone could ever want. The crux of it is this: I'm a good person with enough self-awareness to recognize and actively work on my less-than-flattering habits/tendencies. I'm better now than I was 5 years ago, and I'll be better still in the next five. Just be patient with me :^)
Most of the time, I'm completely happy being single. So happy, in fact, that I often refer to myself as "The Merry Spinster" (which should really be the name of a band or a bar or a pet shop, if you ask me). But the other 17% of the time, I'm really wishing I had a partner. I love "Bringing Up Baby" and pine for the guy who could be the Grant to my Hepburn and the Hepburn to my Grant. We're all both - to varying degrees - balls of quirk and prudence. And that's goddamned beautiful in its simultaneous simplicity and complexity. Hooray for dichotomy! :^)
- you'd rather spend a Saturday night in a tent than in a club or a bar
- you think chicks who read/make comics and play video games are kinda super foxy ;^)
- you're warm, compassionate, and wholly yourself; you respect and encourage sincerity rather than making it an object of ridicule (good-natured ribbing doesn't bother me, but relentless teasing isn't going to fly)
- you read incessantly, fiction and nonfiction and autobiographies and ketchup packets and whatever you can get your hot little hands on :^)
- you love yer mama and your family and consider them to be some of your dearest friends
- you're willing to swap ghost stories and plan for the zombie apocalypse with me
- you think the Uncharted games are just about the best thing since sliced bread
- you love a girl in jeans and chucks as much (or more) than you love a girl in a dress and heels (I clean up nice, but I'm most at home in the Cons I've had since '03, which smell terrible)
- you'd go gay for Johnny Depp (or whoever, or not at all, I don't care), and you get why I'd wanna be a big ol' lesbian for Natalie Portman or Rachel Maddow. Homophobes need not apply.
- you think the green butterfly on the Lunesta adverts is totally sinister, and that the commercialization of medicine is creepy enough to begin with
- you're here looking for something real and lasting, and you think I might be who you're after
Or if you're so inclined. heh heh
But here are some reasons why you might not be inclined:
If you're anything other than single, take a hike. I have no problem with monogamy, and neither should you. I am SO NOT down with the poly thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, age is just a number and all of that, but it's only fair to mention to you fellas that I'm not interested in dating anyone younger than I am (I'm 33). I've dated a couple of guys who were 2 or 3 or 4 years younger than me, and it hasn't worked very well.
On the other end of that spectrum, I'm really not looking to date anyone over 38.
Basically, if we didn't grow up on the same Saturday morning cartoons, then I think it'd put us at a disadvantage. Heh. In a perfect world, we'd be able to be in our thirties together for a while.
Kids and Single Dads
I'm aware of how this is going to sound, but I gotta say it: I love kids, and I'm planning on having some of my own one day down the road (the very long road), but please think twice about messaging me if you already have children. I'm not going to be ready to be a mom for at least another few years, and I'm hesitant about all it would entail to help raise somebody else's kids. It's shaky footing at best, which is not a great way to start out. I might consider it, if only because it'd be ridiculous to rule out somebody awesome just 'cause he has kids -- especially when you take into account how much I <3 the kiddos -- but he would need to be exceptionally special.
It's been almost two years since my last cigarette, which I think is a hell of an accomplishment. During that first smokeless year, I would have climbed into your lap to suck the second-hand smoke out of your face, but not anymore. Now it grosses me out. Quit smoking and then message me. I've got plenty of nicotine gum to share :^)
I smoke pot maybe once every couple of years, if even that often. More power to you if you've got your card and you're all legalized and stuff, but count me out. If you're an occasional smot-poker like I am, right on, hit me up. But daily use and/or harder drugs aren't cool with me.
Full Disclosure Re: My Body
I'm a pretty curvy chick. (Think Lena Dunham with bigger boobs.) If you're looking for someone stick-thin or particularly toned, I ain't your girl, 'cause - honestly - I'm built like a zaftig peasant, not bird-boned royalty. I'm trying to lose some weight and get in better shape, but my body type is what it is, which is big-assed, wide-hipped, busty, and freaky-strong.
Even at my scrawniest, I still look like I'm smuggling - I dunno, mixing bowls? Honeydew melons? Tether balls? - down the back of my pants. (No matter what I'm smuggling, it's probably going to sound awful, so I'm just going to run with it.) Don't misunderstand me, though: I love my curves, and I think thick girls are way hotter than thin ones. If you feel differently, that's completely fine - BUT - if you like a woman with some meat on 'er, well, you know how to get in touch with me ;^)