40 London, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Imagine a splice of Withnail and Bertie Wooster (with a dash of Basil Brush) and you’re half-way there. I’d like to think of myself as a decadent and debauched dandy and urban fop, but I’m not sure I succeed, really. I just end up coming over pretentious, pompous and arrogant, where my intentions are precisely the opposite. Sigh. One sugar, please.

Well, in a few words – Tweed. Glitter. Neckerchiefs. Animal noises. Propensity towards being a bit of a drama queen (and feeling self-conscious about it). Scruffiness and disorder. Silliness.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to work out how to do what I love and get paid for it. Plans are afoot. Had some rather life-changing events recently, and am considering a major change of direction.

One direction might be music (don’t ask me what it sounds like – it’s a bit complicated to describe…) though recently I’ve started writing words n’ stuff again, and am hoping to head back towards drama (my first love, which I fell out with years ago, and which has mysteriously turned up on the doorstep once again, begging forgiveness. I’m not sure whether to take it back, the rotten bastard). Also considering going back to study something psychological/sociological/anthropological; first degree was philosophy (and look where it got me...).

Immature? Possibly; but then we don’t stop playing when we grow old, we grow old when we stop playing. I prefer the phrase young-hearted. I can’t really say that I’m into the world of mortgages, children, trips to Ikea and suchlike yet. Decadence and bohemianism are the ways to go for me – I’d rather have an interesting life with interesting people than a comfortable one. And let’s face it, the only pension worth investing in these days, given the way society’s going, is a 12-bore and a stockpile of tinned tuna.

And on the subject of playing – I am journeying ever further into the wonderful world of kink. Still working out where I stand on certain things, but there you go. And I'm in a wonderful open relationship with the gorgeous Ms Smuterella so anyone messaging either of should know we are a pair.

That said, I'm not on here for some sort of fishing expedition. If I message you, it generally means I think that you seem like an interesting person to be chums with as thanks to the lovely algorithms it would appear that we share similar ideas, ideologies or at the very least a sense of humour. So.
I’m really good at
Making bad puns. Forgetting things. Doing silly things. Impersonating badgers and penguins. Falling over. Being pretentious. Apologising for being pretentious. Apologising generally. Forgetting things (did I mention that one?).
The first things people usually notice about me
"You're wearing make-up and lots of glitter. Are you gay?"

Yes, I'm wearing make-up. No I'm not gay. I prefer women generally. I’m not really looking for chaps; I’m open to experiences but it depends very much on the person.
But heavens, aren’t labels just sooooo 20th (or even 19th) Century?

"You sound really posh."

Yes, but I went to a state school. I like the fact that I'm well-spoken; it’s rather good fun and I just think it sounds nice. But please don't use it as a social barometer. In the fight between the masses and the classes, I'll back the masses every time. Currently trying to work out whether I'm an anarcho-communist or just a libertarian socialist, both with a heavy green slant, and wondering how to smash the patriarchy.

"I love your hair/what you're wearing."

Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Things I like:


Anything by Terry Gilliam, Peter Greenaway, Jan Svenkmajer, Tim Burton, Studio Ghibli, Jim Jarmusch, the Coen brothers, David Lean, Powell and Pressburger, Hitchcock or David Lynch. Also German expressionism, film noir. That sort of thing. Plus Withnail & I, Performance, Midnight Cowboy, Delicatessen, and plenty of others I can’t remember at the moment. Also Kieslowsky, most things with subtitles. Oh, I forgot Woody Allen. Lots of silent movies, especially Chaplin.


Mostly older stuff nowadays – late Medieval and Renaissance, lots of 19th century engraving, Gustav Dore, Arthur Rackham, Austin Osman Spare, Harry Clarke, various illustration and suchlike. Aubey Beardsley, Felicien Rops. A fair bit of 20th century stuff too, such as Marcel Duchamp and Man Ray, Cecil Beaton, other old-school photographers.


Too numerous to mention really, but here are some pointers:

Older stuff:

Taverner, Tallis, John Dowland, William Byrd, J S Bach, Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy, Stravinsky, Vaughan Williams, Bartok...

Newer stuff:

Django Reinhardt, Charlie Parker, Billie Holliday, Dave Brubeck, 20s and 30s jazz in general.

Even newer stuff:

60s psychedelia, Of Montreal, Broadcast, Stereolab, Dirty Projectors, Bjork, Kate Bush,the Decemberists, some band called the Beatles, Robyn Hitchcock, Nico, Nick Drake, Syd Barrett, Sparks, about a zillion different things besides. OOH, and the godlike genius that is Tom Waits. I don't often listen to the hit parade on the wireless.


Poetry. Lots of it (I write the damn stuff, very badly). I especially like Dylan Thomas, Keats, John Donne, Seamus Heaney, Wilfred Owen, Ted n’ Sylvia, Gerard Manley Hopkins, and quite a few others.

Favourite authors: George Orwell, Shakespeare, P G Wodehouse, Douglas Adams, Angela Carter, Iain (M) Banks, Jean-Paul Sartre, Samuel Beckett, and many more I can’t remember at the moment. Ibsen. Chekov. Dostoyevsky. Thomas Hardy. I could go on, again, zillions...

TV: I don't own a television set. I'm sure there are things I used to like on it.
The six things I could never do without
Sex/drugs/rock n’ roll

I know that's more than six things, but I don't care.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Life, the universe and everything. Music. Art. Politics. Subverting heteronormativity. Culture. Social injustice. Cakes. Climate change and how nuclear power is the most wonderful thing ever. Penguins. Dinosaurs.
On a typical Friday night I am
Applying eyeshadow, glitter, drinking a whisky and coke and heading out into the darkness to dance like a loon while my friends look on in a mixture of amusement and pity.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like prog rock. But only bits of it. There, I said it.
You should message me if
You are creative (especially if you draw or make clothes or enjoy taxidermy).

You don’t want children. Ever.

You wear lots of black.

You think life is a big fancy dress party (and have a wardrobe like a dressing-up box to match).

You prefer old things to new things.

You know what a plesiosaur or a coelacanth (or even a trilobite or a temnospondyl) is without needing to look it up.

You'd prefer it if I picked you a tree blossom rather than send you a bunch of red roses.

You like fairytales and folklore and old myths without necessarily believing in it.

You like corsets.

You want to get lost in the woods.

You like nighttime and starlight.

You have a very silly sense of humour.

You think steampunk is the best thing since sliced bread.

You are into kink (or at least are pretty broad-minded about sex). I'm afraid I'm utterly filthy.

Tall order, I know. But why not surprise me?