Being an engineer affords me the opportunity to live the shallow, luxurious life I was born to enjoy. I'll admit it, I'm a bit of a consumer whore - but that's just because the only people who aren't consumer whores, are the people that picked the wrong major in college and now can't afford to be.
As a result, my life now mainly consists of:
1) driving my sports car slightly too fast for road conditions. Occasionally I will brake randomly, sound my horn, or hover in the left lane at 50, but that only seems to happen when there are cyclists or FIBs in the vicinity. Odd.
2) working long hours. But I enjoy it! I like solving problems, and occasionally solving problems means I get to tell other people what to do. Besides, what kind of man doesn't have a proper work ethic? A man who is hardly a man at all, that's who.
3) relaxing with my fine assortment of consumer electronics. Or power tools. Things that beep and/or cut things in half are neat!
4) thinking up new and improved self-absorbed, condecending fluff for this profile to weed out the ugly girls with no sense of humor
I'm telling you... it's a good life.
Oh, they want more than one word. Right.
I have a photographic memory, which comes in handy when backing up the claim that I'm a preternatural genius. Software development takes a pretty logical, detail oriented mind... and as it turns out, I'm pretty good at software development! :)
I'm also a decent athlete, if you count things that are fun as "sports" : I can shoot a decent round in golf, or disc golf even, I bowl well enough not to make a fool of myself, and I can kick all of my friends' asses at any Nintendo game, which has always been my life's ambition... except Mega Man 2. FUCK MEGA MAN 2.
That's about it... I can't fly, or shoot lasers from my fingertips, or even set things on fire with my mind - although I'm working on the last one.
Oh, and speaking of fire... I'm a decent cook, too.
Me: No, I don't think so...
Attractive Female Stranger: Oh, well may I still shower you with admiration?
Me: Very well.
Note: sometimes, this doesn't happen. Occasionally women will throw themselves at me without saying anything at all.
b) I, like the rest of the feeble-minded Internet, can't get enough of ninjas. Authentic subtitled kung-fu (and not that Crouching Tiger / Kill Bill crap) is manna from the gods. For that matter though, movies with Jet Li and Jackie Chan are just as good, in a different way... and I have to say, Kung Fu Hustle is just about the finest piece of cinema ever made!
But if it's not ninjas, then give me a classic. Something epic. Something that didn't fit on one VHS (back when things came on more than 0 VHS's). DeMille telling 10,000 people to act a little harder on the next take. Charlton Heston yelling about apes, or Peter O'Toole yelling about Turks. Either way!
c) Beatles. Stones. Zeppelin. Who. Basically the reason rock still exists. If you meet anyone that actually believes there's a song written after 1965 that wasn't influenced by the Beatles, punch them in the face for me.
d) I love to eat, I'll eat pretty much anything except mac n' cheese. My favorite food, however, is definitely spicy Oriental food. Spicy Oriental women are a close second. Also, pizza rolls. You know that feeling you get when you eat a whole bag of pizza rolls? That whole "totally awesome" but "violently ill" sort of complexity? mmmmmmmm.......
Yo quiero taco bell, mi casa esta en fuego, donde esta el supermercado, y mas, y mas...
1) Competition with my friends (in particular, winning)
3) Monkeys. Seriously, if there weren't any more monkeys, a part of you would be sad too. Admit it.
4) Pizza Shuttle, although if they keep raising their prices, one day I may have to buy them out and remind them how a neighborhood institution should be run
5) the Internet
6) the slight difference in mass between a proton and a neutron that, along with the strong nuclear force, basically allowed the universe to develop from a homogeneous sludge - therefore allowing for the development of heavier elements, stars, planets, and organic chemistry
When I do decide to think, though... it's usually about boobs. Go figure.
I suppose if I was a whiny little bitch, I'm sure I could come up with a million reasons why you shouldn't message me:
1) Bleeding-heart liberal that likes to whine about things she doesn't understand - like foreign affairs, or how a microwave works
2) A face only a mother could love
3) Secretly 15, and looking for some ass
4) Openly 55, and looking for some ass
5) Cubs fan (tee hee look at my pink hat! what's a double play?)
6) Vegan (seriously, wtf?)
7) cAn bArElY sPeAk eNgLiSh with her high-school education
8) OMG TYPES LK THIS: HEY QTWANNA CHAT 2NITE!!??
9) A guy
But honestly, why would I want to stop people from chatting with me? Some people are just too damn picky - especially you hilariously cute little political zealots. Trust me, one semester of poli sci at a liberal arts school doesn't make you a genius, people.
So having said that, even if you're all those things, message me! All we're going to do is chat, they haven't figured out a way to have a "meaningless one-night stand that you regret for the rest of your life" over the Internet yet. (Well, I guess they have, but it's really not the same.)
What's the worst that could happen? I suppose I might make fun of your eighth-grade writing ability... but you wouldn't even realize it anyway, so everyone wins!
Oh, and I almost forgot: message me if you're a tall, curvy triplet of Scandanavian descent who moved here to escape a controlling father and doesn't speak much English, who's headstrong but a little naive, curious about life and love but with a secret soft spot for authority figures. Yes, you should message me.