33Brooklyn, United States
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My self-summary
Even though

"The secret to being boring is to say everything"


I will tell you I am

"the G.G. Allin of casual conversation"

(-Traeg Traegball)
What I’m doing with my life

8:45-9:15-L, 4/5 Train Commute
9:30-Whenever I'm Done Getting Work-Fucked:
1. Defend Obama from twat Banking colleagues
2. Talk about "underground Death Cab For Cutie" with colleagues
3. Feign interest in conversation with Staten Island Zumba-Wife admins
4. Get chewed out by Long Island Mean Girl colleague for being "hipster"
5. (Anecdote-description over drinks sometime, here)
6. " "
7. " "
After Work-Bed:
1. (Anecdote-description over drinks sometime, here)
2. " "
3. Implore my guitars to love me
4. Troll OK Cupid for cutest visitors of the day
5. Message cute OK Cupid girl who "[loves] sarcasm" or "[is] really sarcastic" something sarcastic


11:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m.-Oversleep
1:00 p.m.-8:00 p.m.:
1. Guitar
2. (Anecdote-description over drinks sometime, here)
3. " "
4. " "
8:00 p.m.-1:00 a.m.-" "
1:00 a.m.-4:00 a.m.-" "
I’m really good at
-Premature Assgrabulation
-Fumbling ass at the one-yard line
The first things people usually notice about me
-Midwestern Nice
-TOTES adorbs fatch
-Black skinny jeans bulge
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
-Radiohead and Minutemen are the only two bands irrevocably in my personal pantheon, but I do have Dismemberment Plan and Unwound tattoos
-I've read one novel in the past four years, "A Visit From The Goon Squad," and have no plans to read any others (UPDATE: I just finished "This Is How You Lose Her." I look forward to dramatizing it with you someday)
-I ran into Michael K. Williams at the intersection of Havermeyer & Metropolitan once. As soon as I realized who it was, I screamed "Omar comin'! Omar comin'!" and ran in the opposite direction
-I love Pete Campbell
-Who's orchestrating the "Gus Fring & Barack Obama Were Separated At Birth" and "Hank & Frank Black Were Separated At Birth" conspiracies?
-Arya Stark reminds me I want to be a dad one day
Six things I could never do without
O | O | O
---|--- |---
O | O | O
I spend a lot of time thinking about
-Why girls wear Mom j'orts, and if they'd be the kind who, under a dress, would wear bike shorts
-Why? (the band)
On a typical Friday night I am
-Wondering why I'm seeing middling bands somewhere in Brooklyn


-At a yuppie bar, tuning out conversation, wondering why I'm not seeing middling bands somewhere in Brooklyn
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
-I own "Teenage Dream" on vinyl
-I hate steak
-Girls who list "Being on this site" in this space on their profile annoy me
You should message me if
-You're an "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" face
-You're the girl wearing the Nirvana shirt:
The two of us