37 Lafayette, United States
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My self-summary
I took that quiz on Pottermore and, apparently, my patronus is a weasel. This seems odd because the last time I was forced to do battle with dementors, my patronus was clearly an eight foot tall Bruce Campbell that roared like Godzilla and expelled witty one liners in the form of radioactive fire.
I've never seen a weasel do that.

I was recently decapitated and, because of some whacky hijinks, my head ended up attached to the body of a Care Bear that had also been decapitated.
It was that kind of week.
My new plush condition started being a problem when it became apparent that I was too soft and cuddly to do my job, I was also very absorbent, so I decided to fix the problem by having myself cloned and a digital copy of my mind uploaded to the new body.
This seemed like the easiest solution.
Things got complicated when neither version of me was willing to be demoted to the beta-Kimble and I was forced to participate in a Thunderdome themed battle to the death.
Needless to say, I lost.
Since then, life has returned to a relative level of normality, if one chooses to ignore the massive number of dinosaurs that suddenly seem to be everywhere. You'd think that extinction would really cut back on the number of dinosaurs walking around, but there they are.
What I’m doing with my life
I traveled back in time once, about three months from now. It was an accident, at least that's what I told myself. I will have been walking home from work one morning when a party of war clowns, people from a world where the age of brutality gave way to the age of foolishness, emerged from a shimmering portal and attacked me in the name of their grease painted god - Beppo.
The clowns will chase me through the streets of my town, hurling rubber chickens at my head and trying to knock my feet out from under me with sprays of an oil made of rotten banana peels.
It will have been a harrowing experience.
My attempts to escape will come to a sudden end when I am tackled by a stealth clown or, as they're known in their own reality, a mime-ja.
The leader of the barbarian harlequins will stand over me, snarling through his crooked teeth and bulbous nose.
"Return the sphere!" He will demand.
"I don't have a sphere." I said.
"Yes, you do!" He yelled.
"No, I don't!" I will yell back.
"Are you sure?" He asked, starting to look a bit uncertain.
"Well crap." He snarled and turned to face his followers. "He doesn't have it!"
What happens next is a bit confusing, but apparently another rift in time will open in the middle of the street and a giant robot bearing the heads of The Three Stooges, Curly iteration, will emerge and start firing rocket propelled pies at the clowns.
During this bit of chaos, I will jump through the temporal passage and arrive in the past, three weeks ago.
It was at this point that I started to doubt my story. It seemed like more had happened after I jumped through time, mainly because I was wearing a silver jumpsuit and enormous boots, which I have no reason to believe I will purchase in the coming weeks.
I was also doing that thing I do when I'm trying to hide something from myself.
However, whatever I was hiding from myself became irrelevant because I suddenly vanished from this reality in a burst of blue noise. Most likely, knowing what is going to happen in the coming weeks, I will alter my behavior to avoid the clowns, Stoogebot, and time slips that would have led to my relocation to the past.
So that version of me no longer exists.
Or maybe he does.
Who knows?
Time will tell.
I’m really good at
Adapting to the absurd.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Having thought about it, I think my favorite book is John Dies at the End by David Wong. I don't think I have ever identified with a main character as much as I do with David. I don't know what that says about me, probably nothing good, but there we are.

I recently read You're Never Weird on the Internet (almost) by Felicia Day. I really enjoyed it and found it to be very inspiring.

It's hard to pick favorites.
When it comes to movies, I tend to enjoy sci-fi and horror. I like comedies, though a lot of what is currently considered funny doesn't appeal to me. I am enjoying the Marvel movies and I'm looking forward to all the Star Wars we're going to be getting in the next few years. My favorite romantic comedies are Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and Scott Pilgrim vs The World. My favorite movie parodies are Cabin in the Woods and Shoot 'Em Up. Now neither of those are officially considered parodies, but they have more in common with classics like Airplane and Top Secret than the official garbage they've been putting out for the last decade or so.

As for books, I like Neil Gaiman (American Gods), Stephen King, Terry Pratchett(Discworld Series), Jim Butcher(The Dresden Files), Richard Kadrey(Sandman Slim Series), David Wong(John Dies at the End), J.K. Rowling Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman, Red Shirts by John Scalzi, Ready Player One by Ernest Cline and so many other books.
I love to read.

TV shows. My current favorites are The Flash, Supergirl, Person of Interest(sadly cancelled), Agents of SHIELD, Doctor Who, The IT Crowd Sherlock, Ash vs Evil Dead, Supernatural, and Firefly.

My musical tastes are very broad. Billy Joel, Weird Al, David Bowie, Rob Zombie, Elvis, AC/DC, Disturbed, Florence and The Machine, and many, many others. It really depends on what mood I'm in.

As for food, I enjoy Italian, Chinese, Mexican, and the usual hodgepodge of American food. I don't like fish though, never have. Not sure why, but something about it just doesn't mesh well with me.
The six things I could never do without
Pleasant smells in random places, like fresh baked bread on a darkened city street or wildflowers early in the morning.
An appreciation of the absurd.
The ability to accept inevitable change without being destroyed by it.
Patience. So much patience.
That feeling when you've won an argument with a squirrel.
The belief that, though things seem terrible right now, there's a chance that life can get better.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What if Jason Voorhees is actually a defective Terminator? Maybe Skynet found out that Sarah Connor went to Camp Crystal Lake as a child and sent a Terminator back to get her, but something happened during transit. Its programming got scrambled, its tissue regeneration system got messed up. Now it's wandering around following its basic programming: terminate the humans. As far as I know, ignoring the remake, Jason Goes to Hell, and Freddy vs Jason, they never really confirm, or even have a way to confirm, that that actually is Jason. And, one may ask, why would a Terminator feel compelled to wear a bag over its head or a hockey mask to hide its messed up features? Well, that is the Terminator's disguise protocols coming into play. Just like Arnold started wearing sunglasses in the first movie, after cutting out his damaged eye, this Terminator is making an effort to hide the damage it has received. But, because of the damage it has, it doesn't do it very well.
That is what I am currently thinking about.
On a typical Friday night I am
Mostly I can be found at home. Reading, playing games, watching TV. Just generally relaxing. Occasionally I will go out with friends and spend most of the evening being excessively goofy.
You should message me if
Would you be interested in wandering the city streets in the middle of the night, hunting rogue clowns, and generally keeping the world safe from the various evils that plague humanity?