What I want and what I need are different, what I need is a man that can do what no one else has been able to do. To accept me for what I am, the real me, and understand what I really am. Understand that the darkness is where I am, and that I'll never leave it for anyone again. That I don't need someone to be "the light in the darkness or the light at the end of the tunnel" I don't need to be rescued from it, and I don't want to be dragged off my path and forced to walk in the light lost. What I need is for someone to walk beside me in my darkness, and understand that the light hurts my eyes.
I need someone to see into me, see my true potential and raw talent. See that I hate how I look but because I can't care about myself, I lack the motivation to work hard for just my sake, I'm worthless. I'd need someone that wouldn't be opposed to looking at my hands and seeing calluses, seeing that I do work hard. And being the motivation for me, then working me hard to attain the body type he'd be proud to be seen with, and work with me to achieve goals. Together we could achieve many things, and build a home together.
Very idealistic and childish I know, and as you'd expect, I've been lied to and betrayed many times by many types of guys. I let them drag me out of my darkness into the blinding light, where I had to try and find my way in a place I had no path, only to get betrayed and left to find my way back. Where I had to find my lost path in the darkness again and again, I've made a small list of the types of guys I'll be avoiding and a brief reason why. Many won't like it and that's fine, I'm not looking for many guys. Just the one I spoke about, and I doubt someone like that would be hindered by it
The things I will not tolerate from anyone are drug use(weed or stronger drugs), alcohol use, cigarettes(a light smoker might be ok), bisexuals(my experience with bi guys were never good, they always lied or cheated), no discreet guys(they acted worse than the bi guys), no straight acting(it's about the same as bi and discreet), no one with kids from a past relationship with a woman(adopted kids are fine), no one that is currently in a relationship or married to someone(that's just drama and lies all over), I'm not personally interested in children as a partner so if you're a teenager it's not gonna work, 24 and older is more ideal but not way older than I am(you need to have a libido if you want to be with me, the older guys I've dated 50-53 left me unsatisfied).
I know many of you wont like that last section, and that's ok. You're allowed not to like things, and I'm allowed to not like the things you like
syfy, horror, comedy, documentaries, cartoons and yaoi for movies and shows.
salads and certain things
I like a lot of random mismatched music, random songs from all over that I've heard and like from opera to techno
Redhead eye candy